Trying to cope

my husband passed away last September I am finding it very hard I feel so alone the house is so empty without him I miss him everyday his smile his laugh and him asking me how I am even although it was him that was poorly I have never lived on my own before so this is new to me I went from my parents home into my marriage which lasted 44years I wish it could have lasted more I am so lost at the moment not knowing what to do

Hello Sarah29. So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. All of us on this site either feel or have felt exactly as you do now. It really is an unreal feeling and the shock is still there. Please try to eat, sleep and breathe. You must nurture yourself and that way you can keep your husband’s memory alive. If you want to tell us more about your husband we are all here to listen.
Take care, Love and light. x

@Sarah29 I think we all really miss our loved one’s company, and talking about the little things that make up our lives don’t we? It leaves us in a very lonely place. It is such a shock to know our plans together won’t come to fruition. I really miss the support and encouragement I got from my partner. We had such fun doing jobs in the house and garden (even mundane ones) and having holidays and trips away. I don’t know that anyone has any magic answers for us all unfortunately. This is the only place where I can find other people going through similar feelings which, although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, does in an odd way help, and make me realise that my feelings are also felt by others. I don’t see many people, don’t suppose most of us do with this covid situation, but I don’t know anyone that really understands, or even wants to understand. When people tell me it will get better I feel like screaming at them that I will never feel whole again, but I just try and smile at them and say I know. I do not want them to feel uncomfortable. I feel like saying to them that one day they or their partner will know how I feel, but I know that is cruel, so I don’t say it. I cannot really help you, but will be struggling alongside you. Best wishes.

I know how you feel. Unfortunately my experience has given me the ability to feel grief at it’s worse. My Bridget is still alive in a home but doesn’t know me anymore so when I see her through the window she just sees a stranger. 30 years a companionship and love gone and reminded of it when I visit. I visit because I do still love deeply but the relationship is one sided. What do they say “ to love and to be loved in return is the greatest gift”. My gift has gone.

No one not gone or not going through this really understands, how could they.

The Forum community is precious and can be leaned on always

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@Peter11, I am so sorry. I am on here after the loss of my partner, but my mum had dementia so I have a bit of an idea what you mean. Obviously I do not know what has caused Bridget to be the way she is now, so hope I do not distress you further at all. My mum died while she still had glimpses of the old her that we could see, but she was not the woman that she had been and it was extremely distressing to see the deterioration. Sometimes she thought I was another family member, sometimes she knew it was me. I am so sorry that Bridget doesn’t know you any more. I have not been in your situation, so will not pretend to understand what you have been through, and are still going through, but it says something for the love you both had that you still visit and still love her, and it also says something for the type of determined and faithful man you are. You have been loved in return, please try and hold on to that.

this message is for anyone out there. I’m sorry to bother most of you. Well, today is Sunday, I have shoveling snow for nearly 2 weeks, I have not taken the time to log on to talk or listen to you. I am feeling exhausted and tired - not to mention the chills today. Well, I am feeling sad and lonely today after taking a break from the snow showers. I live in the states, and we are getting clobbered with constant snow showers — I’m doing my part to keep sidewalks and paths open. I tried to do some house cleaning and had a round of sadness when I came across my wife’s photos, souvenirs - which again broke my heart again. You see I don’t want to forget her = she was really the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss our morning talks and coffee - we would plan our day and what we would be doing that day. I think about her all the time - that’s why I stay busy. I guess I can understand when some of the people on this forum say they are only half a person or feeling lost. Yes, I feel like that too -almost every day. I try to ignore it, but I only know I still miss her. I only wanted to share my feelings with anyone here - my heart broke the day she died. It’s not the same anymore – I look for advice or encouragement but it’s only temporary. Thank you for hearing me out. I miss my wife that’s all.
My name is Herb

Sorry you are having a down day Herb. It is Sunday in the UK too (just). Monday is coming round faster than I want it to. No wonder you are exhausted, shovelling snow for 2 weeks. I did it for a week here and it is hard work. Funnily enough it is something I have enjoyed doing since I was a kid. Trouble is once it starts the snow keeps coming. A lot of people in the UK do not clear their drives, paths or pavements. I find that annoying. The poor postmen/women and other delivery people have a hard enough job in bad weather without having to avoid slippery bits.
It is hard not having those old mundane conversations about what to do, or what to have for dinner. We have lost our best friends in life, and it leaves a massive hole in our lives and hearts.
I don’t know how to help you. I don’t quite know how to help myself. Like you I try to keep busy. Just wanted you to know that someone read your post, and is thinking of you.

Thank you Wong for your encouraging message. We got hit hard with recent blizzards - I go thru the usual stuff here as well, making shopping lists, laundry, grocery shopping etc. Just getting caught up now, feeling a bit exhausted - the thought of my departed wife brought back on the forum because I do not want to forget her. I stated to someone that I feel like I have a hold in my heart. Sometimes it feels like it’s just empty inside me. Somehow, like many of you in the UK we just have to keep busy and moving on. Thank you once again.