Trying to end a ‘friendship’ after bereavement

[chasingalaxies]

hello. I lost my mum in may this year and it’s been difficult navigating through things without her. I’m only 20 and would go to her for advice about everything, so I thought I’d try here to get some opinions since I’m so lost on what to do about this.
Recently, or maybe not since it’s been going on for a while, I’ve found myself in a situation with a ‘friend’. I met her online since we have mutual interests and at first it was fun talking to her. I’m quite a laid back person and I’m not super into social media/texting, so after a while when she started to text multiple times a day I got overwhelmed. Every time I text back she’d be there immediately. I couldn’t keep up with everything she was saying and felt bad if I didn’t respond because she did so quickly. My instincts were to be more distant and hope she got the message that all the texts were too much but she still did the same thing. So I expressed that it’s a bit overwhelming and she took it badly and thought that I found her really annoying. I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I reassured her.
We stopped talking for months and now recently she’s come back, asking me why I haven’t stayed in contact. I know it sounds bad, but I really don’t have a connection with her as a friend and would prefer not speaking to her because of this repetitive behaviour and torrents of messages. When I ignore them, she tells me she cries and that she really wants to stay in contact with me. I’m so busy after mums death and need to prioritise university but even after I said this she said that she has a lot going on too.

Now she has found me on another social media platform and is messaging me on there. I really don’t know how to get her to stop as I’ve tried different ways and don’t want to hurt her feelings since she seem really sensitive and to be honest, even if I was blunt I feel like she’d come back since I tried to be frank before and she got offended but still came back. She’s not a bad person, her messages are always innocent but they’re just a lot. I think she’s a bit younger than me so I feel even more mean when I express that I don’t want to be friends. I’m sorry for the long rant, I just needed to get this out and try to make sense of it without mum to talk to. If anyone could help or tell me what they would do I would appreciate it so much.

[SusieM]

Hi, I do feel for and I understand your concerns but I don’t really feel that this site can help and unfortunately I don’t personally know where you can find the right kind of help. I do hope you find a solution to your problem. Take care and stay safe. Susie 123

[Crazy_Kate]

Hello @chasingalaxies. I’m sorry you’ve lost your mum and at such a young age too. Mum’s are very special people and I still miss mine very much.

With regards your ‘friendship’ problem, I’m no agony aunt but frankly I would ignore this person completely. You’re being too nice which is allowing her to do what she’s doing. I’m not familiar with social media, in fact this site is the closest I’ve got to it. However, I am aware you can block people or unfriend them and this is what I would do. I’m a mum and this is the advice I would give my children in the same situation. What do you think your own mum would say to you?

You’re obviously a very kind person and a credit to your mum but in this instance you need to get tough.

I’m pleased you felt you were able to post here; you may find more help and support on the ‘Lost a Parent’ category.

Good luck. xx

[Lostinlimbo]

Hey chasing, such a young age to lose your mum it really is sad… And yeah they do make the best people to go to for advice
Hopefully you get some kind of help for your loss and don’t bottle it up… In your persition I’d simply just be honest and tell her the truth, if she can’t handle it she’ll get over it, you hot enough on your plate and don’t need the added hassle… Its nice your being thoughtful towards not hurting her feelings… But it’s obviously not working so like I said I would just be blunt… Tell her you got no time in your life and have alot on your plate… And if the bluntest of responses don’t get through to her then yes block her
Hope you figure it out and best of luck too you on your struggles with the loss of your mum, you have my deepest sympathy… Take care

[chasingalaxies]

thank you all so much. I truly appreciate your advice about the situation and otherwise. I’m going to take a look at the losing a parent section as I didn’t see it last time, thank you for bringing it to my attention.

sending gratitude and hugs