Trying to find answers

Losing a parent
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My mum suddenly died after a short illness at home - she was on her own - she had suffered with the usual aches and pains of age and thought she had a virus. I had to go down to her house the day after and managed to piece together the last moments via the placement of things and their significance - she has been with the coroner for a week now and I still don’t have a cause - It’s so preoccupying trying to work out what could have been wrong - I found that she had made a call to 111 and they appear to have called back at 3am where she picked up their answer phone message and then in true mum style, deleted it. When does the noise of constantly trying to piece together the last unknown moments of her passing alone stop ? It’s so physically preoccupying):

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Hello @AndreaF,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like her death was very sudden and shocking for you. It’s completely understandable that you’re preoccupied by what happened when you have no answers yet.

I can see you’re getting support on another thread, but I just wanted to let you know you’ve been heard. You might also want to take a look at some of our resources which can help you cope with grief.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you, too. Take good care,

Seaneen

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@AndreaF I hear you loud and clear. My situation is slightly different to yours, but I still wanted answers. I finally got answers and it does ease things slightly.
My mum was our lone parent for 50yrs, so I feel your loss too.
Have you managed to get anymore details together?

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Hi Paul

We found out yesterday that the doctor has stated cause of death as a cancer that had spread…….I’m not sure what is most difficult now - the sudden loss and lack of answers or discovering that mum must have known and concealed the cancer from us (I work in nursing - the specifics of the outcome are not presumed and would have been on records)

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Do you think she was being a mother to the end? Not wanting to worry her kids? My mum was the same x

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Im so sorry for your loss :broken_heart: I am about 18 months down the line and have many unanswered questions about my Mums sudden death which was from undiagnosed bowel cancer. I am tortured by unanswered questions still now but I have work to do which I have been to traumatised to face. I have managed to get mum’s GP records that show my mum refused a scan (she was scared of MRI scans and she thought a CT scan was an MRI) she was barely facing the issues she had through fear but I still feel the doctors could have done more in many areas so it’s not just about missed and late scans, fears and misunderstandings but mistakes made too. It took me a long time to be able to face asking for the doctor’s notes and I’m still waiting for hospital notes. Can you get copies of her medical records to answer some questions? It’s a must for me. I really am struggling with this aspect utterly relentlessly and find it so hard. Even last night I had a dream that I was in the funeral home and saw mums body and I saw she was still alive and they had made mistakes. She opened one eye and looked at me whilst I was wiping her hair of her face :cry:. I told her she has been very poorly whilst I was stroking her face. Then I woke up. I’m sure this dream stems from unresolved issues. Xx

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It now transpires that mum had no idea she was so poorly and her thoughts of having an awful virus in the last weeks of her life were accurate - she had blood tests that I suggested she have done in the last week which were able to show markers - I have always been a believer in fate but never imagined that those blood tests would be to determine COD - but I guess I should be thankful that it helped answer questions - to think she battled through cancer with no idea - a hot water bottle and pain killers is testament to a tougher minded generation x

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