Trying to live again

Bereaved after a long marriage, I remarried due to loneliness, grabbing at the first man who seemed nice. I wanted to recapture the happiness I had known. I realise I acted too hastily, despite my friends’ warnings. He’s a good man who does his best, and it is a relief not be alone. Yet I still grieve deeply for my first husband. I don’t feel my second one loves me like he did, maybe I am emotionally crippled from being able to love again. The fault is mine. I don’t believe him when he says he loves me.

I go around feeling depressed and empty, just doing my duties but never feel easy or fulfilled. When I am alone I cry. I fear that if I move on, my first husband will be forgotten and I am so letting him down.

Is it really possible to be happy again and should I give it time?


Rachel I don’t have the answers for you but I do know that your first husband wouldn’t want to be unhappy. I don’t think I would marry again because I would be comparing him to my darling Jim who was fantastic in everything but I do feel like I could be happy with a companion just to meet up have a coffee maybe lunch and someone to share conversation with I’m only 59 so I don’t want to live for the next 20 odd years on my own. If you are not happy tell your new husband and the reason why you may be surprised and I expect he’ll understand . But what ever you decide just be happy. Sorry if I’m not giving you the right advice but I’m not very good with this sort of thing. Xx


Thankyou, that is good advice.
It’s just so hard to give your heart again.

We only get the one life, you had a great marriage with a fantastic guy I’m sure,
sadly that was stolen from you and apart of you died with him… But as you say you can’t spend the next 20yrs alone, and no-one that truely loves there partner would ever want them to be unhappy and alone.
Your old life is over but never forgotten but now you have a new life and a new love doesn’t mean your first is forgotten he will always be with you in your heart and in your memories, but it would be a tragedy if you didn’t live your new life to the best of your abilities.
I don’t believe humans are built to be alone and nor should we, being in love and apart of something is amazing.
In my opinion and of course it’s just my opinion but I think you’re being too hard on yourself, your husband is with you always you won’t ever forget him, so do your best to enjoy what life you have left.

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Hi I lost my husband at 35 and I bought up 2 small kids alone
After 10 years I found a lovely man to love and loved me back I went through all the guilt .I never ever forgot my first husband and I was always free to talk about him.and still love him but I would not trade the wonderful 24 years I had second time around sadly I am alone again. But had 2 wonderful men and glad I took the chance anne


I am in turmoil. It’s been some years with my new partner and I just cannot make it work. Everyone thinks we are happy, but appearances are deceptive, even to ourselves.
The connection of heart and mind is not there. Yet I do not want to be alone again.
I remain confused, disappointed.
Is it a mistake to try to recapture that perfect love?
Should we look to anyone to fulfill all our needs?
I feel Utterly lonely and empty inside. In my quiet moments I pretend my late husband is with me, then my soul becomes comforted.
The truth is I only want him.