I lost my beautiful husband 8 months ago after 52 years together, I nursed him throughout his terrible battle with cancer . He was at home with me , it’s what he wanted , he passed in my arms 14 stone to start 5 and half stone at the end .
people tell me remember the good times, but I still live with the horrendous sights I saw . The anger I feel is terrible , I have started counselling and I think it’s slowly helping me . My life ended when he passed, the loneliness is horrid,if I didn’t have my son and daughter and 3 grandchildren I would be with him, just getting out of bed in the morning is a huge effort, I was with him since I was 14. I hate this life without him I will love and miss him until we are back in each others arms x
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I lost my wife on the 8th March and I feel the same. We had been together 60 years and would have been our 58th wedding anniversary this Sep.
The grief is overwhelming me & i just don’t want it to continue. It’s so hard. I just sit and cry, when I should be doing something.
This week is the first I have really been on my own and yes loneliness is terrible. My heart is broken and I can’t see it ever being repaired.
There was so much that I didn’t get chance to tell her, so I wrote a letter and placed it in her coffin. The vicar read it out at her funeral as I couldn’t.
Jackie,
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a short while since you left. In that time, it feels like I’ve been living in some sort of dream. At times, it feels as though I’m moving through the motions, like a zombie. Other times, it’s a nightmare that I can’t seem to escape, a constant, gnawing feeling that I’m losing myself without you. The thought that you’re never coming back is almost too much to bear.
The hardest part is going to bed at night. In the quiet, I relive our happiest moments together. I dream of us, as though we’ve had eighty years together instead of the years we had. It’s so hard to accept that those moments are just that; moments in a dream, not reality.
There are days when I feel you near, as if you’re still here with me. I can almost hear your voice in the stillness, and I hold on to that feeling like a lifeline. But then, there are days when doubt creeps in, and I’m left thinking that you’re truly gone, that I’m clinging to something that’s not there. It’s a strange and painful place to be, even as I write this letter to you.
One thing that’s become clear is how life moves on for everyone else, and there are moments when I find myself avoiding others. They have their own burdens, their own lives to live. But I’ve also been touched by the kindness of our family and friends, many of whom you would have been so surprised by. Their support has been a reminder of how deeply you were loved, and how many lives you’ve touched.
The love and companionship you gave me is a rare gift, something I know only comes once in a lifetime. I can’t imagine life without you in it. Before you, my life felt aimless, like a melody without purpose. Now, the music feels hollow.
Where have you gone, my love? Why did you have to leave so soon? I’m left with a void I don’t know how to fill. What will I do without you? I miss you more than words can express.
I love you, Jackie. Always and forever.
John
I really don’t know what life is going to bring me, I just hope it’s not too long for me
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Beautiful. X
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@Johnr
Lovely lovely words to your wife.
It’s very raw for you and it’s the hardest thing you will ever do trying to carry on but also wishing you could just go to her.
I lost my John on the 6th March just two days before you and it is the most horrendous feeling.
I have asked myself that if I was given a choice of either going to John or staying with my sons n family and my answer now in such a short time is that I would have to stay here with them…
There is no doubt or question that I am inconsolable but I love my kids n can’t leave them…John would not want me to and neither would your darling wife…
This is the burden we carry for love…
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@Lesley57
I lost my Husband to Pancreatic cancer in 11 weeks the weight dropped off. We were having a celebratory year-my 60th and 30 years married but he died 5 days before my birthday and 3months short of our 30th wedding anniversary.
Its 10 months today since he passed away, every day is a struggle, finding it difficult today.
Sadly we all share this pain
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So sorry you lost your love just two days before me.
Inconsolable and horrendous are the right words to describe what I’m feeling as well.
If it wasn’t for my 2 children and 4 grandchildren, I would take the easy ‘cowards’ way out, but I can’t put them through that having lost their mum and nanny, who they adored.
It’s such a burden to bear, but bear it, we must.
All the best
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I so feel your pain also I have thought about the cowards way out , but like you I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren who need their mom and nanny. My love for them must somehow override my overwhelming pain xx
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Sending you all my love and best wishes x
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I feel everyone’s pain and send you all hugs.
I too find it so hard to face every day, it’s hard to imagine getting through the each day without John. I don’t have children, just my two remaining cats but I remind myself that John would still want to be here (as long as he could be healthy again) enjoying his life so I try to keep going for his sake.
.
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@Lesley57
What I find helps me a little is that I set up an album on my phone of my favourite photos of our good times and I look at those last thing every single night and say goodnight to John before I turn off the bedside light.
Having the hard images in your mind I know is hard, I had them “stuck” there too but I do find this helps. Hope you find something that helps ease your pain a tiny bit
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Our neighbours cat has been visiting us, for a couple of hours, in the mornings for at least a decade.
He used to perch on the back of the sofa bed, where my wife slept, and looked out of the window.
Since she passed he has really been funny, refusing to eat any of the Dreamies treats I usually gave him each morning.
It’s only this last week, he has finally settled down on our settee. Still refuses the treats though.
So pets do grieve
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Thank you so much , I have a cushion with Dave’s face on it and I spray it with his aftershave, hug it tightly every night x
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