Sorry, it can be very difficult, as people expect you to be ok after a while, but inside youāre not. It is useful to draw strength from people on here who understand, but real life groups are good too. Not necessarily counselling but also volunteering groups. Do you have any friends or family you could tell how sad you are feeling? Sending all good wishes.
Floss1 I used to cook for my mum too and she cooked for me. She was a veggie very before her time for over 40 years and was decorating weeks before her stroke she was a fit 82 so this was a shock how quickly in a year she got so frail. I think until you start to accept the loss this is a long process and missing their existence is so hard. Iām 57 and feel like an orphaned kid probably ridiculous to a lot who tell me to move on but your mums your mum eh? Iām sure every person lost knows how much we miss and love them.
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Good luck for Friday Iām sure it will be a beautiful day and you will do her proud 
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I will be thinking of you for the funeral send your lovely mum to rest. Please let me know how it goes xx
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Please could I ask if your grief is causing insomnia x
@Floss1 ,
Hope all goes as well as it can today, if itās anything like my mams funeral you wonāt remember much about it by tonight :ā(
Iāll be thinking about you
Jean x
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Thinking of you x
My heart goes out to you today. Iām sure it will all be beautiful and she will be proud of you 
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Hi @Bon74
The funeral was Beauiful, everything was perfect, she had lots of beautiful flowers.
I have collected her ashes today and it has completely broken me, it all just seems so real.
Xxx
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@Floss1 It is a surreal feeling when you are handed your motherās ashes. I made a joke of how she had put weight on, as I couldnāt believe how heavy the ashes were, before I broke down and sobbed my heart out. I have had a couple of pieces of jewellery made out of some of her ashes, a necklace and a matching bracelet. I like the idea of carrying her around with me. Even now, her ashes box is on her shelf in the living room. I say good morning and good night daily. I felt a sense of peace when she was returned to me, peace that she was at home where she belongs.
I am pleased the funeral went as well as it could have for you. May you find some peace now you have her ashes. Take each day as best you can, and please take care of yourself. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no time limit either. Just made sure you let it out, itās better out, than stored inside of you. 
Hi Floss, so sorry for the delay in responding I havenāt been well. It was lovely to hear the funeral and flowers were beautiful, Iām sure your mum would be very proud too of you. Did you have any support when you collected the ashes ?x
I take comfort and some peace from talking to the ashes and lighting a memorial candle . X
I have a memorial candle next to her ashes box, along with a picture of her. It gives me comfort when I talk to her and light the candle. I talk to her expecting her to answer me. But then I can hear her in my head and that makes me smile.
@MowgliGirl82 @Bon74
My son came with me to pick up mums ashes, they were really close and had a special bond.
I have indeed placed her next to a lovely photo, and I intend on getting a ring made and maybe a tattoo with some ashes mixed in the ink, I was thinking of having her hand writing tattooed, some thing like ā lots of love mumā taken from a birthday card that she had written me.
Where are you guys from, Iām in London xx
Itās so hard watching my dad grieve because he just looks so lost, and when I break down I feel guilty because he breaks down too.
Iām in South Wales. Near the Brecon Beacons we do find peace in a walk with the dog, but then itās back to earth with a bump when we get home.
Thereās no escaping grief Iām afraid, but you need to be strong for your dad. Yes life wonāt be the same because losing a mum is a big loss. No doubt you have a lot of memories with mum happy and sad. Iām the same and they can come flooding back at any time or triggered by finding something.