I lost my beloved mother and best friend on Mother’s Day of this year. She was not only my mother, but my rock, my best friend, my ally, my world.
Mum started showing signs of dementia nearly twenty years ago, what started by a little repetition, became more serious as time went on with more repeating, forgetting how to do things, and a more dependence on myself and my father instead of being a very independent woman.
Mum had me when she was 38, back then she was classed as a “mature mother” I was her only child. My biological father vanished into thin air when I was only 2 and until the age of 7 it was just me and her. She went without for me, she would go hungry in order for me to eat. She was my fierce protector and I loved her so much for that.
When the man I now call dad arrived on the scene we became a trio and our lives improved greatly. But the relationship between my mother became stronger. Me and my mum were the last two of my blood line. Now it’s just me.
It was after Christmas last year that the deterioration began. She had kidney stones and was hospitalised with UTI. When she was discharged she then became bed bound. She stopped eating and then stopped drinking, then by the 10th March. Mother’s Day. We lost her.
It was the dementia that took her from us. But we were lucky, in the sense that until the last couple of weeks she knew who we were and who she was.
I didn’t realise until after her death that she had been prepping me for the time when I would be without her. Even now I can hear her in my head. Telling me things, comforting me, trying to keep me going.
I miss her, well, me and dad both miss her greatly. But I miss her every second of every day. I just can’t get my head around never seeing her again. For 41 years it was me and her, now I have decades to live with just me. How do I do that?
More importantly, do I really want to do that? Do I want to live without her? How do I go on without the woman who raised me, my best friend?
Grief is the price we pay for love, and my god I loved her. 
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
I’m so sorry to hear this. I lost my mum just after you and I know how hard it is. My mum was nearly 37 when she had me, and I am an only one. It all makes things very difficult. Wishing you well.
I lost my lovely mum two years ago, we were also best friends and she was my rock too, we spent a lot of time together over the years, holidays etc. I gave up work to be her carer and live with her. I’m struggling so much my heart is broken. Try to take comfort that she is no longer suffering.
I’m so sorry. It is so difficult. It’s hard to know what will help. Groups like this or counselling sometimes help. I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to talk a lot to my husband. For other people I have put on an act that I am ok.
Thinking of you. Xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss, and offer my sincere condolences. I lost my mother in November, and the grief is utterly utterly awful.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in October, my best friend, unexpectandly. Mum lived with me for 5 years I worked full time and was her carer. 46 years, mum had me late at 39, but she was my world. Now I feel totally alone, and at a complete loss as to what my life is now. My greatest sympathies to you and sincere condolences.
Hello, I lost my best friend, best advice giver, unconditional love she gave,
My beautiful Mum, 13th December, she slipped away during the night so peacefully.
My emotions are still so raw, we have her funeral this Friday 10th.
And I have been keeping myself busy with arranging the funeral.
I’m so
Scared I’m going to go down with a bang after the funeral.
I moved in to care for her, which I’m very proud off doing.
I just don’t know how to carry on without her 
Hello Floss,
I’m so sorry you lost your beautiful mum, hearing she slipped away peacefully I hope brings some comfort to you. I can only imagine the shock and heartbreak from this loss. I found what helped me was knowing mum was at peace and not suffering. Think what your mum would say to you and how she would reassure you. Stay strong for the funeral as best you can. I hope you have family or friends to comfort you. If you want to talk please let me know x
All of the replies to this thread have made me cry. I lost my Mam in September 2022 and I am still so broken and lost without her. It’s like it happened yesterday. Life seems so pointless without her. She was my absolute everything. It hurts so much, I still feel the guilt and can’t get rid of the memories of how much she suffered be she went. It’s horrific. And lonely. I hate that everyone else feels the same. Hugs to all
@MowgliGirl82 I so get your situation. My beautiful mum died on New Years Day a week ago and my stepfather and I are beyond distraught. I am only child, my real father left when I was 8 months old. My mum fought to keep me safe and happy. My amazing stepfather came along when I was 7. I have nearly always lived with my mum, we were the best of friends and did so much together. I have never married and have no children. I too feel so bleak about the furure and the prospect of decades of life without her. Probaly no comfort except to say I feel just the same.
Hugs to you Lisa and Simon, everyone’s grief journey is different. I’m still bereft 2 years of losing mum, we were together all the time as I was living and caring for her, my sister committed suicide seven weeks later which I still cannot believe and it’s all still so raw. Just try to look after yourself and take strength from the good memories and take any support you can x
Gosh. I am so sorry. I have no words. Just be kind to yourself. Life can be so amazing but so horrible and painful. Take care
Your story is my story but my mum never got with a man or thought about a man. Mum bought me up after kicking my dad out when I was 8, I never saw him again or looked him up. Like you it was just me and mum, so I do understand you. You not alone either in your story, I felt the tears coming when I reading your story. I do have a sister but from a different father, I did ask her why she was with mum like she was, all I got you was closer. Regards living alone, well I been alone in the flat I lived with mum now since August 23. It’s not easy I’m still getting emotional about it because when our mum’s are alive we kind take that for granted and it definitely gets harder the older they get. Dementia is awful as you don’t know what the damage is and it just eats the person on a daily basis. I remember cooking sausages 1 day mum liked but couldn’t remember what they were called. The only advice I can give you is maybe look into spirituality or counseling, sorry for your loss.
Can I just personally thank everyone who have replied to my post. You would not believe how much the replies have helped me. Helped me to know I’m not alone, that there are people who are going through this imaginable pain with me, sometimes grief can isolate you from the real world, grief can make your mind play tricks on you.
I think the hardest thing is not having siblings, or family on my biological side. I feel so very alone, even though I have a support network in place. Sometimes I think that they are fed up with how low in myself I feel. (Again I think it’s my mind and grief playing tricks with me.)
But I am so thankful for this group of people.
My heart goes out you my mum was showing signs of dementia, she would ask me to cook all different meals each day then she would not eat them she liked me to stay next to her in the chair all night it was exhausting. Stay strong talking keeps me going
It’s not your mind playing tricks, it’s the loss and deep down you know there never be anyone like your mum again. You don’t have that connection with them as you did with your mum. Which makes it even harder and the world has changed so much from when we grew up, the world and the people in it. It doesn’t help in fact it makes it worse!
I’m sorry to all of you for your losses as I know how you’re feeling. I lost my mum dec 23 after numerous bad years but the last one in particular as I thought I was going to lose her to Covid the previous Xmas but she was never as strong after. People have faded off or been unsupportive and I feel really alone and isolated. I just often feel what’s the point in all this and I’m just very sad. Last Xmas and new year just gone have been the worse. I miss her terribly and I’m really depressed
Hi Bon74,
Thank you for your lovely reply, I know mum wouldn’t want me to feel like this, she would be saying why am I making all this fuss for her funeral.
I will come back and tell you have Friday goes. Xx
Bon74,
I to used to cook what ever my mum wanted to eat and she would have forgotten by the time I gave it to her.
It is exhausting care all the time.
Xx