Trying to look at the big picture

Another late night at home all by myself in house meant to house an entire family…

I keep two distinctly different inspirational pieces framed in my newly reclaimed bedroom. The first is a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald that I dearly love and take a few moments to read and contemplate every morning even before I brew my first cup of coffee.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or,
in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the courage to start all over again”

This is a description of the life that my wife, Gail, would have wanted for me and I don’t plan to dishonor her by not seeking it. At least not in the long run. For now, I will mourn. But only for a while. I’ll never forget, but the mourning period must have a beginning and an end.

The other thing that I have framed and hung in my bedroom adjacent to my bed is “Desiderata”. It is too long to post here, but if you’re not familiar with it and wish to read it then it is readily available to you via a cursory internet search.

Make no mistake, these are very, very, very, very difficult times.

We are all suffering.

I intend to come out of it a stronger person. At some point in time.

Just not quite yet.

I hope you do too.



For the record, “Desiderata” was written by Max Ehrmann. I realized after the fact that i was pedaling the works of two American writers to people of a country that spawned the likes of Shakespeare and Dickens, but we are all a product of our own culture and our own past.

Wisdom, like emotion, is universal.

Goodnight for me and good morning for you.

Tomorrow is one more step into our new reality. May it be far better than our present.


I like the text and spirit of Deisderata, I had never read that before thank you.
I don’t have these on my wall but a couple of quotes that often return to me these days:

“Ideas come to us as the successors of griefs, and griefs, at the moment when they change into ideas, lose some part of their power to injure the heart”
Marcel Proust

“If I thought I was not thinking about the past, the past was thinking about me”
Deborah Levy

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Thank you for sharing these. They are very uplifting. I too am coming to the realisation that I must make the most of the rest of my life in honour of my husband. I must make him proud that I have not wasted the time left to me. It is very difficult at the moment but hopefully we will get there.


Well said.
I strongly believe my wife has been called away from us early for 2 reasons.

The first is to teach the boys and i that we can cope with life alone and learn to be better people, get out of our comfort zones and make a positive difference.

The second is that my wife has been called away early to help other people who need to learn to love oneanother and be selfless do so in another life…
Her need elsewhere is stronger than her need to stay with me, she has already tought me all i need to know, i just need a kick in the pants to act upon it.

I will grieve, cry, feel sick and lonely for many a year no doubt, but i know she is looking after me/us from above and that she is helping other people who need it.

I hope to forget the bad parts of our life together in time, and discard the big bag of regrets i will carry around with me, and try to just remeber the happy loving times.

I know she doesnt want me to be unhappy or grieve for ever and to hopefully find love again in he future.

She will always be in our hearts and be a part of our universe with everyone else for ever.



Thank you for this it’s sums up how I feel and how I know my husband would wish for me


Thank you. It’s so lovely to see an uplifting post.
I too am concentrating on the good things. On another website talking about loss said they were a million other things. ( this was talking about addiction loss but I think it’s true for anyone grieving) we all have regrets and ‘what ifs’ and will never know. We remember them for who they were and celebrate that.
If I had died first my partner would want me to grieve and then live life to the full,
I have no idea how to get there or what it looks like but I’m determined to try.
I’ve said yes to going to a music concert in the anniversary of his death. I am not that bothered about music but it is me saying I’m going to live life!


Good for you. Bless you and go find a place of peace and happiness again. You deserve it!

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I lost my beautiful, kind, selfless soulmate wife Helen today at Myton Hospice Warwick.
She was not in any pain at the end and was surrounded by loving family and friends and knew she was truely loved by us all, as she loved us all…
I am so heartbroken and lost, quite numb and in shock.
Why so many wonderful people loose there lives when so many evil people dont!!
Helen was loved by so many people she and i were truely blessed…
I am partly unpleasantly glad that the end came to here relatively quickly as she had been in severe pain and difficulty breathing for several months at the end it was tourture and pure evil to watch and try to comfort her both day and night…
I know she is now no longer in pain and is with her loving father and my mum who will welcome her to heaven where she will help us all out from above.
I miss her so very very much already…

I feel so very sorry for less fortunate people who have no company at the end i hope i have people who love me around me at the end…
I can not praise myton hospice enough, they have been fantastic in every way from start to finish… if you ever get the opportunity to help them out please do so… we all set up our monthly donations on day one.
Time to grieve and reflect on a beautiful person who will no longer be with me.

So many regrets…

@Ollie1 Hello again, so sorry that it’s come to this. All I can say is take your time, do as you will, love her. When you’re ready come back here. My heart goes out to you x

Take care and be gentle with yourself. There are no words at a time like this. But knos that you csn always come here for support as you move through this time. God bless.

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Thank you all


Hi Ollie1 - I am so sorry for you. Your beautiful soulmate Helen will always be with you in some form. The regrets never leave you sadly, but eventually you will be able to remember the happy times, even though they hurt. Take care of yourself. xx

I am the same as you why do some many good people die before their time.
One of the worst things is cancer , we all have it in us and for some reason it attacks the most loving Kindest of people my son was only 47 never drank,smoke,or eat a lot of red meat . It does not seem fair

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Im so sorry for your loss and young again my wife was only 52.

My mum was in her early 80s when cancer took her and that didnt feel so bad… she had a good innings as it where.
But at these ages they had half a life time of love to give and receive and new experience to enjoy.

Best wishes


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