woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach - cant cry, never have but mornings are worst for me! 4 weeks since Tony “died” and even saying that word feels me with unbelievable sadness. Half of me has gone, does anyone else feel like that? Trying so hard to move forward. Does it get easier? Cynthonia x
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@Cynthonia im so sorry for your loss. 4 weeks is very early days my partner passed away 10 weeks tomorrow. I have that feeling of a knot in my stomach a lot of the times especially when i wake up and when i go out. After to speaking to a few people this is common.
It is hard moving forward and the sadness we feel is overwhelming and the thought of moving forward is hard without our partners it is taking each day/hour at a time. This is how i try to get through i know i am not much further on in this journey but knowing you are not alone and being able to post on here does help.
Take care x
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I’m sorry for your loss I know the feeling I lost my fiancé last July it never goes away you just learn to try and cope little by little day by day some days it feels like he’s passed all over again I try to stay focused by finding things to do around the home or watch a comedy with my daughter but when I’m in my own that’s when it hits hard and I break my heart all over again just remember your not alone on here we are all here for you
Thank you both soo much - thought knot in stomach just me! Spend lots of time with family but very aware I must somehow forge a different route with own age group - justvdont want to be a drag on them! This life change awful isnt it and we akways think it happens to someone else until it its yourself! Although Tony was ill with cancer his decline very rapid but even then we didnt expect him to die! sending love to new friends x
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Hi cythonia, i know exactly what your saying i feel the same. My husband died 2 weeks ago yesterday, everything is so hard and raw and my world so dark, even the most menial task is so very hard i miss him so much it physically hurts. Also understand the knot in your stomach thing too i took our kids out yesterday to the barbers and a play area, places we used to go a lot together, it was so hard i dont really know how i managed to keep it together. Havent slept last night as my 5 year old is really unsettled and keeps waking me up, i keep thinking i just wish he was here he coped better with the youngest and his tantrums than i do.
I hate the fact were all going through this, but im glad to hear im not alone. Xx
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People deal with their grief differently I sometimes go to a spiritualist church which helps me I know my beloved will never come back and losing him was really hard as I never got to say goodbye etc his family banished me from his funeral but I believe in karma I’ve had to deal with my grief alone that is why I joined this group as they are very supportive and it makes me feel better knowing I’m trying to help others just remember he will always be with you in your heart 
xx don’t hate yourself like I do I sometimes wish I could have saved my fiancé but in the end I couldn’t xx
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@Cynthonia i am the same with my partners death he had been ill and eventually we had the cancer diagnosis after 6 weeks of tests where he had declinded rapidly and within 5 days he passed away.
Its such a shock and the loss is so heartbreaking.
I have found my family such a supprt and my friends have been fantastic and taken me out or just having a cuppa and listening to.me allowing me to sit and cry them just being there has helped me.
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Hi @Cynthonia. A really dreadful time isnt it! I’ve been alone for 20 months, but I’ll never forget the avalanche of emotions I had to cope with. Nothing made sense, and my future was bleak, I couldnt imagine tackling the rest of my life without her.
But you asked the question “does it get better”, the answer is that its almost impossible to see how and when it will get better, but it surely will. The agony will ease, and happy memories will begin to replace them.
There will always things which stir the emotions, and we have a few tears. In fact, one just happened, because Dolly Parton just sang “I will always love you” on the radio. I had a few small tears, but I recovered quickly.
So it does getter far better, so try to be confident in your journey.
Hang on in there, good luck.
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So sorry for your loss. It’s still early days so please try to take one day at a time and let emotions and feelings flow don’t try to suppress them.
9 months exactly today, I still can’t bear to use the word ‘d…’ all I can say is my angel passed away. Don’t think I can ever use the ‘d’ word for as long as I live- it’s just too painful for me 
I hope & pray it will get better for us all.
Sending hugs and strength x