My friends adult daughter died suddenly three weeks ago. Due to Corona I can’t go and see her (I’m a front line worker so can’t risk it) so trying to support her via text and sending a few small gifts through Amazon.
I’m at a loss, she is obviously devastated and drinking alot and I’m trying to support her but don’t know what else I can do, I feel so helpless.
Do any of you have any suggestions of what else I can do to help her or anything not to say to her.
Lots of rumours of how she died but I haven’t asked, in my mind, she’s lost her daughter regardless of how or why.
Any help would really be appreciated.
I work long shifts so please don’t take offense if I don’t reply for a few hours and thank you for reading.
Stay safe everyone xx
Hello Swanner.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s very recent loss. It is understandable that things are very tough for her at the moment and you want to support in anyway you can.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share your concerns on here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what your friend is going through. They will also have had similar experiences and hopefully be able to guide you.
You may want to suggest to your friend that Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so she can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
Another good place to get support is The Compassionate Friends - for families who have lost a child of any age. 0345 123 2304 https://www.tcf.org.uk/ .
Take care,
Audrey
Online Community team
Hello, Swanner,
You are being very kind to your friend who has lost her daughter. I believe that you are doing a really good job by being such a kind and thoughtful friend. x x
Hi.Swanner,
It’s good that you want to support your friend she will need all the friends and support she can get.
Simple things are often the best-
A text just to keep in touch - not everyday but just so she knows you’re there.
Don’t wait for her to phone or text you she probably won’t have the motivation to do it.
Does she have children ? Can you help them in anyway? A dog / can you offer to walk the dog?
Can you phone her and give her chance to talk about her daughter or anything she wants to?
Talk about her daughter, not about how she died but a nice memory of her.
If you do phone her listen don’t offer advice/ or say things like “move on " " accept it”
" my friends daughter died. and she’s fine now."
Can you go for a socially distanced walk with her?
If you look at the What’s My Grief website it has a list of "64 things not to say to a grieving person "
Maybe leave her a nice meal on the doorstep ?
Keep it simple is best . I hope this helps .
I’m glad you’ve asked for help you wouldn’t believe some of the things people have said to me or the number of people who’ve never contacted me since the funeral.
Sadme.
Thank you ladies. Good to see I’m doing things right, I am so sorry that youve gone through this.
I do text her but I didn’t actually know her daughter, she spoke of her but we never met, she is a client of mine over many years who has become a friend xx