Trying to survive without mum

Hi everyone am new on here this is my first post, I lost my beautiful mum who was 73 just over 2 months ago, and it still feels like am dreaming, am just so lost and alone without her am in my 40s but am just broken little girl deep down whos lost her wee mammy,.

I get totally frustrated with people asking how are you and I reply aye fine that sounds bad of me saying that but it’s exhausting and trying to put a face on at work aswell, I went back to work 3 weeks after mum had passed and I was doing no bad then it had just got so incredibly hard over the past couple of weeks, then with Christmas coming I really could just sleep right through but I know my mum loved it so I need to try my best for my dad brother niece nephew and my wife.

The only thing that keeps me going some days is my mum told me she had had enough so she was ready and we were all there with mum when she passed except my nephew who was on holiday, she told us all earlier that day to look after each other and said to my wife you look after my lassie del, we are really lucky in that aspect because some people don’t get that chance.

Mum had a lot of things wrong with her she had rheumatoid arthritis since she was 50 heart failure she also broke a bone in her back then she had sepsis then broke her arm then found out she had cancer in the lung and liver then fell in the house and broke her leg in two places so she was in hospital for a couple of weeks then she didn’t get any treatment for her cancer in 12 weeks cos of her leg but personally I think it had got worse then she had a chest infection which was pneumonia and still never complained maybe just a wee aw am fed up but nothing else, she was my best friend the best mum a daughter could ask for caring loving gentle funny just so lost with out her.

Think I went on a bit there sorry

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Hello @Angel11, I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Take good care,


Hello Angel11
I am sorry for your loss I feel your pain and you are not on your own. You are feeling the same as many including me I feel like a scared 6 year old sitting on a sofa waiting for my mom to come for me. I went back to work just a week after my mom passed away I struggled through each day. Then on the 1 of December it all felt so overwhelming with dark mornings and evenings and coughs and cold from my pupils Christmas trees song’s and not sleeping it was a complete mess. Not infront of my pupil’s. Grief takes time it comes and goes like waves. You mom sounds like a wonderful soul and a strong and brave. Don’t ever be sorry for honoring your mom it’s good to talk on her as I said we are all feeling the same. Sending much love a fellow inner child xxx


Thank you @Lolla49 for reaching out to me, and am really sorry for loss sending love to you .

How did you manage that going back to work after 1 week ? But then again it’s amazing how strong you can be when it’s your only option .

Last night a got angry with myself because I hadn’t cried yesterday, I was like why am I not crying every day I lost my best friend my mum, my heads all over the place right now.

Speak later and thanks again

Hello Angel11
Going back to work was a huge mistake I panicked when my boss asked me if I was going to be in so he could sort out cover as I work in a school. I just couldn’t understand what my head and heart wanted. But my biggest mistake was I didn’t talk to my boss or ask for help. I thought just keep my head down and push people away. I would be fine. So now I’m sat at home after being signed off work feel stupid helpless and alone. But reaching out on her for anyone to hear me and understand me as the one person who did has left me. All I can say is if you take time as much as you need talk to your boss or colleagues let people help you it is not a weakness and some days you think you are OK and out of the blue wham you’ve hit the grief again. Listening and talking to people on here we have all losted we all grief we all have pain and suffering we have to honor them we can notheal what we can not feel but we do not have to let go we just have to let it be. Take time talk and breathe don’t be afraid to ask for help it is always here if needed sending much love xxx


I am sorry you are struggling so much top Lolla. I am a mum and primary teacher too and lost mum in April, as you may remember from my first post. I too went back a fortnight after losing mum as I felt guilty about leaving my class any longer. I wasn’t in control of rational thought and the trauma of mum hadn’t hit. And only 2wks ago I broke and had to be signed off too. It hits us all eventually and in different ways. You take time to heal and just be. Best advice I got from Dr and only this week it was a revelation. I have spent it doing video diaries and voice notes when I felt emotional and it was cathartic. Journallong didn’t work for me. I also talked with a counsellor online, I wasn’t brave enough to do face to face or telephone but it helped a little. Do what you need to do to heal. Most importantly don’t let work dictate your timeline. Heal at your rate. Take care. X

Hello Mocreid
You are right it is so easy to type on her all your fears and worries and not have to do things face to face and give support to friends in the same situation but we ourselves have to listen to hard advise. And yes just be is the best advise let the day just be let you emotions just be we are all different and our lives are different and our love ones are different but we all have to make our grief meaningful and have a purpose for the pain and yes we all take it at our own pace with our new friend by our side to carry the weight of it love you and sending much love xxx

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