Hi quite rightly there are lots of threads expressing the guilt loneliness despair etc, all emotions that I have/am experiencing, I would like to hear from people down the line and ask how they are coping down the line. I need to know that whilst the pain will always be there, will it lessen. Is am experiencing such highs and lows, does this lessen. I know everyone is individual and each experience is different but I would like to think …there is a way forward.
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Hi Silverlady funnily enough I was thinking last night how have people that have posted in the past gotten through have they found peace,new relationships etc as taking each day as it comes given them the hope to carry-on without their loved ones I would like to know because I am struggling through this difficult journey Many regards MM69
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Hi metal Micky,
I take each day as it comes. I have found some peace and life is getting easier. I think we all have to find our own way, whether it be a new relationship or things to do ease the pain and sadness.
Regards Christina
Hi Both
I am finding it a little easier, I am working on our to do list and this is helping me to focus as well as working full time. I feel stronger on some days obviously the grief monster takes a bite out of me as and when it choses, it has no boundaries or respect for time and place! I have decided to take the route of being grateful for the time I had with my hubby rather than mourning the future we should have had, this for me is a healtier option. I have started to laugh without the guilt or the dark cloud that descends when i realise i can’t share it with him, i take the view point that moving forward ( not on) is the best way to respect and honour my hubby , a man that taught me so much and irritated me in ways that now i can only miss. I wish you well in your new futures and support in your darkiest days. x
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Remember when you see a lot of sad threads, that when people are feeling low is when they need the support of the site most. People who are feeling in a more positive place might not feel the need to come here and post, which is understandable, but can make it harder to find those hopeful posts about the future. However, here are a few that I thought you might like to read:
Don’t lose hope
There is hope
How have I come this far?
Hi Priscilia,
I appreciate your words I was asking the middle group, people like me that feel like they are riding a tidal wave not always up not always down, thats why i put a question mark in my title asking is this me turning a corner. This group also needs the support as this is when the pain is not at the front of your mind but guilt about moving forward is.Thank you for the post suggestions I will have a look.
I have been feeling guilty recently because I am not always thinking of my lovely Ed. My life is moving forward and I am doing more things with family and friends. I still burst into tears when I am alone but I seem to be able to cope better with this. Is this the acceptance part of grief ? I still miss him and find it hard getting up each day knowing he is no longer there but I am managing to smile more and plan things on my own. It’s only been 14 weeks since he passed away. I thought I would never cope without him and have this terrible pain in my heart forever but I am moving forward still with this awful sadness but also with a glimmer of hope of feeling I can face a future . I talk to Ed in my mind all the time and this has helped me enormously and made me feel I am not alone. He is still with me though I cannot hold him. So yes maybe I have turned a corner although not all the corners ! Love never dies . Ed’s love is helping me through the darkness. I hope this helps others on here.
Lizzed thank you, you are feeling the same way as me…in the middle ground…we are moving forward not on . We will always miss our loved one and appreciate our time together but we have to live. x My brave man said that as humans we are equipped to love more than one person in our life time without one love destracting from the other. Whilst that is a long way off ( if at all) I see the wisdom of his words and I am slowly appreciating life again albeit in a different way. x
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Hi Silverlady. It’s been nearly two years since I lost my beautiful Bea to a misdiagnosis.
You’re right, everyone is different. For me, I cried and howled for 6 months, hit the bottle more times than I’d care to admit, never thought the despair hurt and anguish would go but two years on - I’m okay. All right, I’m not the same person anymore. The sunshine doesn’t please me, flowers in the garden bursting into bloom - big deal. I can laugh with friends and neighbours but I still think about her all the time, wishing she was with me, sharing in whatever I’m doing.
I get a tiny bit morose most evenings, not having her to talk to or feeling her arms around me anymore, no interaction but I’ve got used to it.
My cooking had got a bit boring - nobody to make a nice meal for anymore but I’ve started again. I put the extras in the freezer.
At first, doing something for the first time without her was so so hard but those first times become less and less and I can enjoy them now although I’ll wish she was with me at some point during the event.
When we were first going out I thought her father was miserable but Bea said ‘no, he’s quite jolly ‘(he lost his wife in 1961 and never remarried). Now I look in the mirror and I look just the same.
We met when she was 16, started going out together when she was 17, was my best friend, soul mate and love of my life and I lost her 45 years later. There was never anyone else and I loved her with every cell of my body and still do but there’s just a tiny chink in my heart that just might let me love someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking and anyway, she’d have to be one hell of a lady to match up to my Bea but anyway- who’d take on a bloke that’s still madly in love with his wife?
I don’t need alcohol to get to sleep anymore, I eat more than 4 fish fingers a day and I don’t need to avoid the supermarket aisle that has her favourite food. I read everybody’s posts and feel empathy and sadness but I have survived, I’m coping.
Love to everybody.
You will get through this. It does get easier, not better and even if you don’t get many replies, we have read your posts and are thinking of you.
Big hug to you all - even though it’s not the one you are used to.
Haitch.
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Good morning Haitch
Thank you for your reply and understanding, I have just hit the 6 month spot and the emotions are all confused and cloudy but thank you for your words, they help more than you can know . I am hitting the middle ground I think passing from the utter despair to a I can survive this attitude, do I like it do I hell as like but I will get thru it. Bea indeed sounds like a lovely person and I am sure that she is always with you watching laughing at your actions. I close my door after work and sometimes I think us this it, no it’s not I still want more, will I ever find love who knows at this moment in time for me I’m working on my head and heart, my hubby would expect no less. I am sending you a virtual hug, because we all need one regardless if the length of time since our loved one has passed, for me sometimes it seems like an age other times it feels like yesterday. Thank you x
What a great post Haitch. It made me smile in places. It’s been over 2 years for me and I can relate to most of what you say. Thank you. A big hug coming right back at yer…xx
Hi silver lady, I am 9 months in and at 6 months I thought I am feeling different I am coping I don’t feel that awful utter despair everyday, yes I still cried a lot but not as often or for as long, then in July my only sister died suddenly at 68 and that sent me right back 6 months, I really wondered if I would cope with this overwhelming grief again, it opened up all the old wounds. I had booked to go away for 2 weeks with my children and grandchildren and was half dreading it, but I found being away helped me I wasn’t surrounded by my memories or well meaning friends and there awkward conversations, people I met didn’t see the grieving me they just saw a grandma and mum enjoying a holiday and yes I did enjoy it laughed a lot and did loads of different things, I came home feeling different, I will always miss my husband but I realise I can go on without him physically I know he is always with me in spirit and he would expect it of me, he always said I was a strong woman and now I have to live up to his expectations of me, so is this me moving forward I hope so
Take care
Jan x
Hi Jan
Thank you for your post, I have lost 5 people in 5 months, coped well until my husband died, thought I was getting better at handling things then bugger me his sister died 4 months after him, same thing, never really liked her but I too felt like I took steps backward. I am moving forward again and it is so reassuring that what i think and feel no matter how daft other people feel that way too. Thank you. x