Early dark morning and missing my wife.
She was taken from me on 21 September just gone by cancer.
Diagnosed in june with stage four and given 18 to 24 months to live.
She only got 3.
While having treatment i had a purpose of doing things,now it’s gone.
I feel totally alone.
Last week her funeral and having people here,my son and friends and neighbours, was a distraction from my grief.
My son heads back home tomorrow and the thought of being alone haunts me.
I was seeing a counsellor, while my wife was alive,for helping me to cope with the prospect of losing her within 2 years.
Life seems to have spiralled downwards so quickly.
I long to be with her quickly but i know i would leave pain with my family and friends .
How do people cope…?
I fear just turning the key to an empty house next week.
I’m so sorry to hear your wife died so quickly. My husband is 43 and has cancer. We’ve never wanted to know a prognosis purely for this reason. It kind of prepares you and then you are waiting for that timeframe. Cancer really is just evil.
You will no doubt be feeling a massive sense of loss for your wife but also, I’d imagine you will have gone from being a full time career, which is incrediy intense, to losing that sense of purpose. I’m dreading that day.
Please do seek out support; keep going with the counselling and always post on here as they’ll be someone who has a good understanding of what you are going through.
Take care x
Thank you for your kind words.
I know fully what you’re going through and understand the ordeal of it all.
It is with you night and day.
Really is a cruel disease…
I stopped even calling it by name…
Also,I believe now that the treatment made it worse,angry so to speak.
The treatment was equal in pain and suffering as the condition…
I wish you peace.
My wife was diagnosed in April (tho only by sight not by biopsy as none of her 3 biopsies returned any results - cells were always necrotic which I was told indicated an aggressive and very nasty strain of cancer) she had radiotherapy in June but on 17th July was told she was too unwell for chemo and then just before 10 am on Tuesday 22nd August she died.
Today is 6 weeks from the day she was taken to the hospice.
No day goes by without thinking of her, but each day I am learning to live with my grief - grief will be with me forever as will my memory of her but I am trying to follow the advice I was given a couple if weeks after she died in that I am slowly, carefully but surely starting to live my life until the point at which I am alive again. I have no idea when that will be but I have hope that there is a future waiting for me - as without hope it is difficult to start each day.
Everything I feel and do at the moment, good, bad, silly, risky, safe, whatever, is borne from and directed by my grief and you’ll find there are numerous different ways that you’ll be advised or recommended to deal with your grief - it wont go away but it will start to be a thing you can learn to live with.
I’m not you so I wouldnt and couldnt try to tell you how , what or when, all I know is that for me there is a light on the horizon, far away in the distance, but it is there and I’m damned if I’m going to let anything stop me from getting to it.
I agree regarding the treatment. Bar radiotherapy, it’s all been a huge waste of time and the scan anxiety was terrible, I swear my husbands quality of life would have been better had we not bothered.
I am with you here.
Understanding each word you say.
I hope the comfort you all give me is somehow returned.
The conversations with people has been a whirlpool of clichés up to now.
One day at a time…is clear out in front at the moment.
All said with good intent though.
It seems odd that the only person who could help me through this period of immense pain,is the one who left.
I am hoping to get away from were i live at the moment…
(Rural ireland) and visit friends and family for short breaks in the UK…
Just to get through the dark days of winter.
Hopefully,come spring i will feel better,maybe not.
But that distant light on the horizon you mention is something i have never given a thought yet.
I cannot see a horizon at the moment…maybe 6 weeks?
It’s been a comfort knowing i am not alone.
Totally agree with you.
Bar radiotherapy …all other treatments chemo,immunotherapy
Seemed to make the condition worse…
I too think she would have stayed with me longer if not for the treatments.
She went downhill after first chemo…(blood clot on lung )
I regret the chemo now.
Had you not tried the chemo you’d have regretted that too. Blood clots are really common in cancer regardless of treatment.
I’m glad my husband tried it all but I think if I get diagnosed with terminal cancer I’ll keep going until it’s too hard and jump on a plane to Switzerland
@Jimmy1975 I lost my wife after a 3 year battle with breast cancer in March this year. I totally get where you are and where you are coming from. I went from being a husband, lover and friend to being a carer, and… not much else. Everything about your life is taken by the disease and perversely, the treatment which seems worse sometimes. My wife fought on as she wanted to get our 2 younger children out of their late teens. Sadly that didn’t happen. I miss her every day. Life just seems so pointless and unfair without her. I’ve always been strong mentally and decisive but since her death I’m scared of making any decision without her, don’t know why, i just am. At first i was in a very dark place and couldn’t see any type of life or future for me. Slowly, I’m learning to live with my grief and cope with the everyday chore of simply existing without her. I read someone on here saying something about there being a light on the very far, far horizon now for them. I’m not seeing that far out yet to be honest but i can only hope that the changes I’ve seen in my grieving process enable me, and everyone else, to get through this terribly lonely and painful journey. I wish you all the best and hope you can find whatever peace you need.
After reading your thoughts,in some ways it relieved my feelings . I keep feeling what if my beautiful son had managed to get some treatment. He died 17th July 2023, he was due to start Radiation the next day,it was not a cure ,but to help ease the pain of is hips etc. The cancer had gone from secondary bone cancer and went into the bone marrow. I wish there was more research into metastasis.
Metastasis is just horrendous. My husband has just had a referral to go into the hospice tomorrow as we just can’t get on top of the pain as one of his lesions has broken the bone in the lumbar and part of the bone is hitting the spinal cord. The other lesion (he has many) at the top is hitting a nerve. It’s just to sort pain meds out x
I know,I just cannot believe how brave Christopher was,and when it went into the bone marrow he just more or less bled to death. My feeling is if they did more research into Metastasis ,and stopped it spreading it would maybe give more time to try and cure primary cancer.
I wish they’d start by looking at all the crap they are putting in foods and drink which they know is a carcinogenic (aspartame for example)… other countries ban it yet we just carry on…
There just seems to be so much more research into the more common cancer. But from what I gather cancer goes into remission , never really cured and when it comes back it tends to metastasis.
I can’t understand my son never smoked,or drunk , very rarely ate Red meat .The only think I wonder about is the epilepsy medication he was on?
Reading your comments (and others)…
And relating to your chosen words is painful.
All different stories of individual sadness.
But knowing there are people out who are all sharing this similar pain and hopelessness gives comfort.
I hope for us all.
Another broken sleep night has brought me here to write this reply.
(Sleep is the only respite at the moment)
I wish all of you grieving, peace and strength to carry on.
Thank you for replying to my words.
We all try and do our best,and hope what the doctors tell us is good advice.when I see all the bad people in the world ,I think why our loved ones.Then I think the bad people have mothers fathers ,children why should the relatives suffer too. I just hope they can get more research into this terrible cancer. Nori I am thinking of you today,I know what bone metastasis is like, my son was rushed back into hospital because the masses were pressing on his spine. Look after your self and those beautiful boys, I cry every day for mine.