Twice widowed

Hello,
I’m brand new here. I was widowed in 2015 after 18years Relationship by my husband Mike. We were married for 7 days as we knew he was dying from lymphoma. On the 17th August this year my new partner Tom, after two years relationship was taken from me at the age of 35. We’d had a row and he went out and drank himself to death.
I don’t know how to even describe how I feel. I feel so desperate and cheated.

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I’m so so sorry for ur loss, and to have it happen 2 times, I’m broken for u xx masive hugs I feel the pain for my first loss of my husband, but to loses 2 times and to feel double pain I can’t believe or emagin what ur going though here if u need to chat xx

Hi Steve, I am so very sorry for your losses, I lost my fiancé in April and I wish I could say it gets easier but I can’t say that it’s too soon for me and for you to cope twice you have my admiration in your strength but I totally understand how you feel robbed it’s exactly what I feel and I need to blame someone and answer for it but it will never happen x

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Thank you for your replies. I’m sorry to hear of your losses too. I recognise a lot of symptoms this time, anger being the most prevalent. Anger and jealousy:

Anger at the world, the injustice and at the way people can be. I’ve been asked twice for money and to listen to their problems since Tom died. Unbelievable.

Jealously of everyone on social Media who is posting happy couple pictures. My world has stopped. It’s hard to witness other people’s carrying on with their partner.

I do have some amazing friends and this is what is getting me through. I took myself off To rural Spain to stay with friends and that did help. Coming back to an empty flat and having to quarantine is hard. I’m glad I found this forum.

Lovey I got a good unit of friends by ur side.
Iv come of Facebook the day it happened as iv got nothing to post and don’t realy want to see people moan about crap that’s not important or see pictures same as u.
Think that it’s going to be okay at some point and one day we can look at our pictures or others, I hope, but for now as it’s still fresh u can’t beat urself up let it out the pain the tears ect xx
I bet spain was a lovey break, but like like u said
It’s nice till u come bk but its real n it hurts, xx

Dear Steve

I am so sorry for both your losses and can empathise with you a little although I know grief is different for everyone. I, like you was recently widowed for 2nd time. Firstly in 2009 …a sudden but natural death and secondly in March this year after 9 months of married happiness to suicide. I like you…am so distraught.
How have you coped? I appear to be coping well on outside but inside I feel so sick and sad.

Hello,

Thanks for your reply. I didn’t cope at all at the start. I took myself off to A&E to get help then saw my GP. Since then I felt like I wanted to escape so when an invitation came to visit friends in Spain, I did the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done and booked the flight in under five minutes thinking “get me the hell out of this misery”

Since coming back I’m having to quarantine and have had a lot time to think, read and watch videos about grief. I’m trying to understand this Grief because like you, it’s based on shock and disbelief. I need to know all about it so I can understand it. The best thing I’ve read is “the cure for grief is motion” and this resonates. Going to Spain was motion and the distraction helped. Now I’m back and I’m mostly trying not to turn to alcohol. Mostly I just think. I relive the day over and over and over again dissecting every part. Friends have been amazing but they haven’t been through it. The only way I feel I can cope is by learning, understanding and realising I’ve got to get past this. I plan to go away again as soon as I can. Again, it’s the same “get me out of here” mentality but if it helps me I’ll do it. I hope you are not too bad today
Steve xx

Hiya, hope your coping a bit better today, it’s a horrible thing to go through even once but twice I don’t know how you are doing it, I lost my darling fiancé in April then my best friend my aunt in August and I’m feeling it really hard to cope with so we are mostly in the same boat on this river of grief and talking helps more than I realised so I’m glad about that