A comment of mine on another post got me thinking about why I am finding my second husband’s death so much harder.
I think it is because we were together 24/7. My first husband went out to work every day and I sorted everything else.
This time I had not been out on my own for 16 years. I feel totally unable to function as a single person, exposed and vulnerable.
I gave up driving, I sat back and let him handle all the financial and technical stuff.
Quite apart from the emotional devastation, the burden of ‘stuff’ is crippling.
I used to be quite competent, I managed relatively well after the death of my first husband. But not this time, life has changed so much in 16 years. Online shopping, using a debit card and all the other technology has me reeling. Even household appliances are different now. Of course, I am now 20 years older and it feels like the shock is cumulative. They say that lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, well it has struck me twice with the same sudden cardiac arrests.
Sorry, feeling sad, lonely and bewildered by it all.
And it’s the sodding weekend again.
Xx
Aww willow i answered you in your first post life is so cruel. I am really struggling this time i dont think i will ever get over this. I keep asking what did i do that was so bad i have to go through this again . I just wish this was like thebold style chat rooms so you could have a proper chat and there was always someone to talk to all day everyday. Xxx