Two losses in 15 months

Hi, sorry if I’ve posted in the wrong place. I’m new here. Just feeling so sad.

In January 2016 my twin brother was reported missing by his colleagues after not showing up at work for 3 days. The police found him dead in his bedroom. The autopsy and further tests showed he had died from an epileptic seizure. He wasn’t diagnosed as epileptic because he’d only ever had one seizure before (takes at least 2 for diagnosis).

My family were beginning to cope but then in April this year, my mum went out for the night and had a cardiac arrest and died. We are still awaiting test results because her autopy was inconclusive.

My parent split when I was 7-8 and I grew up in a house with my mum, brother and sister. Now half that household is gone. I feel so lonely. I’m not alone. I’m married with a child and close to my sister, my in laws, and have some fantastic friends. But I still feel so empty right now and so sad. Not quite sure what to do with myself.

Hi Cat,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and your brother. You have absolutely come to the right place - there are lots of supportive people here who understand what it is like to grieve for a loved one.

It is common for a second loss to bring back lots of feelings from the first one, and it is very normal to be feeling empty and sad. It’s important to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Can you talk about things with your spouse and family and friends? Talking about grief is better for you than bottling it up.

I hope that it helps a little to be able to share your feelings here. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might also find it helpful to read and reply to some recent posts from people in similar situations, for example:

Angela lost her mum very suddenly: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-mum-suddenly

Josie has lost her brother recently, after also losing her parents: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/dealing-grief-0#post-8629

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the site, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

Hi Cat, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and your mother. I too have lost my brother and my mother some time ago. I can understand your pain and I too feel it deeply every day.

Please be assured that the loss and hurt you are feeling now isn’t unique. It’s shared by all of us on this site and millions of others in the world. I hope by visiting this site you’ll get some comfort from the fact that you’re not alone. It’s helped me a great deal to know I can talk or listen in this forum and nobody will expect anything from me. I hope you get some comfort from it too. xx

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