Two weeks of widowhood.

[Nigel-Marnee]

Lizzy you are totally correct - she said she had missed me terribly when I was away. She’d also had a few drinks, but that meant she was uninhibited, so was able to let it out. I did phone her just now and she said she was more worried about me than herself. I do have such wonderful children but want them to handle this awful situation too. She was off work from 2 days before Mary went into hospital until mid January due to work related stress so she is rather vulnerable at the moment. Thanks for your support.

Nigel xxxx

[Nigel-Marnee]

Oh how I wish I could help daughter #2! She broke down for the first time in my presence tonight since November. I’ve told her I’m there for her 24/7 but just wish I could take her pain away! It’s so tough to see your children in such distress! My heart is literally aching for them!

[Greiving]

Well my sleep is still all messed up

[Mbg]

I always have trouble sleeping. 3.15 and still awake. I am a night owl. I wish I could sleep, just for some peace

[PeachesDixon]

Well, this is always like coming in at the end of the movie and having to ask “what’s going on?” Y’all have been so chatty, I love it! Where do I start?

Debsie, welcome home! That was so good of you to help your son with his garden. He needs to start tilling that soil and mixing some good stuff in it. I lived on a river my whole life and I know river clay. Impossible when wet. Dang is that stop/start thing where the engine stops when you stop the car at the traffic light? My friend in Houston had a giant truck with that and it was horrid in Houston’s summer traffic. I hope you can turn it off. We couldn’t. It was her husband’s truck.

The kittens will claw up everything. I suggest you get the tallest cat tree you can find, get 2. Give them something to climb or they will be on your curtain rods. Put old quilts on your sofas/chairs, etc. Of course, it is hilarious to see them climb the curtain and then hear them cry out for help. And climb up your bathrobe. Just hold them close all day and they will get settled. Oh, and gets some bandages.

Sleep deeply, friend.

Mbg, thank you for asking, I do feel better today. Maybe the cold was cured by chocolate. I’ve a nice OTC medicine that clears the sinuses and relieves the watering eyes, but the ears tingle on the inside. Bit of a cough, not too bad. I have a great immune system.

I don’t know how you handle 4 dogs. I am peddling as fast as I can with one. They are adorable though. I am sure they make you laugh a lot. Mine sure does. Even when he is bad, hesagoodboy!

Digger, so nice to read that you had a lovely day with family. I know you missed Maria, as did everyone else. It occurred to me years ago that at every celebration in my entire life, someone was missing someone. True. I am so glad that you have good family. It makes a huge difference, doesn’t it?

Grieving. You are coping. This is what coping looks like early on. It is a complete shit show everywhere you turn. If you are paying the bills, eating something everyday, bathing once in a while, and resting a lot. That is coping. As is crying. I am so sorry, I know the mental torment. Our coping isn’t what we thought it would be. Be kind to yourself.

Lizzy, you are in the cat bird seat. The house is going to sell within a week. Get ready. I don’t know exactly what a home report person is as here the listing agent sets the price with the client. Then we have home inspections done, usually by the buyer’s inspector and based on the report, negotiations begin or the seller can walk away. If the report is bad, you must disclose to all other potential buyers.

I’ve loads of chocolate, but I am limiting my intake. I would like to shove an entire moist chocolate cake with creamy frosting into my mouth, but . . . no.

Of course you are in bed. You should be worn out with all the activity you’ve been up to recently. Stay there. It can all wait.

I love that red rug. I want one. Precious little devil dog.

Nigel, sometimes we just can’t handle any more sorrow. It’s okay to bail on supper with another widower. We only have so much to give. I am sorry to read of the death of your daughter’s best friend. It is crushing to lose a best gal friend. I have. It is quite like losing a spouse save all the paperwork and responsibilities. It is sad because we know we will never be able to replace our partner in crime. My heart hurts for her.

I suppose it is good that D2 cried tonight and let out that deeply held emotion. When one of our family suffers, we all suffer. It is hard to see them cry and makes us join in. I know she will sleep well tonight. I hope you do as well.

Peter, regret nothing. Those are things and they mean nothing. You parted with them with a giving heart so let them live elsewhere. It’s okay.

Phil, 4 months seemed a milestone for me. The fog started to lift a bit. I hope it has for you as well. It has continued to lift a bit at a time. Now, at 30 weeks (yes, I still count the weeks), I am functioning better. Long way to go, but you will survive and get to a place of peace. We will never stop missing our spouses, we just have to learn to live with the loss. I am so sorry. Good on you for volunteering. Let us know how that is going.

Barbarap, I think I am in love. Ruffy is so handsome!

Love to all my compadres in grief.

Nothing lasts forever and my own mortality is more real than ever.

[PeachesDixon]

So, loaded the SUV. Got paperwork for tomorrow. Fed The Beast twice. Ate an egg.

Painted the outdoor table. It is a mess, but seriously this furniture is 25 years old and has been painted at least 15 times. It’s fine.

Then, I ventured into the man cave to purge 5 things. I did it and more. Of course, now I have to put away all the things that I can use and do some shredding. Tossed a few things.

While I was doing that The Beast pee-peed a near complete circle around my sofa. So unnecessary. I have already given it to him, he didn’t have to mark it. Who’s a good boy?

After moping that up, I left the bucket and mop in the middle of the floor because I am too tired to empty it right now. I got a glass of ice for a soda, saw an opened bottle on the counter and poured it over the ice. It was olive oil from the sauteed flounder I made last night. Yes, I am fine! Don’t ask again.

The Beast is trying to get in my lap as I eat my dinner. All 65 lbs of him. He doesn’t have to to this, he will get half in a minute. And guess who is going to the doctor this week? You got it! Beastie Boy. He’ll get nails clipped too before he punctures an artery.

No phone calls today and I didn’t call anyone as I didn’t want to disturb their joyful day. Whatever I have to say can wait.

All in all, a good day to be alive.

Night all. Many Blessings to you all.

[Lizzy28]

Peaches,
Good evening to you, I had a few hours sleep, but the cough woke me up, it’s in my chest for sure now, I need to sit up. I have to take medication to suppress my immune system as it goes into overdrive and makes me ill so it takes longer for colds to clear. Crazy system.

I think the beast is great for you, I have a picture in my had of the beast sitting on you, she sounds massive, I wish you could send a picture. You could ask your tech guy to show you,

If you are selling property here you have to have a Home Report first and pay possibly about £600, I’m not sure on price yet but I googled what it could be as I have to pay that separately. He does what your buyers would get to inspect the property if they are interested in it. It used to be like that but if 5 people wanted it they would all pay for a surveyor to inspect it. Our way is we pay but anyone can get a copy of it, it will list any faults and he will value it. If he says it’s worth 200k the mortgage companies would only give you that figure for a mortgage, if it goes higher you would have to put the money in it yourself. My house is probably a down-sizer for people, most wouldn’t need a mortgage, but just depends a young couple moved in next door. It’s and old house, there are bound to be faults listed. Would have loads a few years ago before we upgraded it a bit. The Estate Agent lists it usually lower to get the interest going then it could go to a closing date and time and you honestly don’t know what buyers put in till that time ends. It’s a waiting game. That only happens if there is a lot of interest.
I’m not sure if the rest of the UK do this or if it’s just Scottish Law which seems to differ a lot from English Law. It’s a good idea as it saves having a lot of surveyors coming out to inspect it.

Debsie, I have that stop/start on my car.its a little button with green leaves on mine which says econ on it. I hate it as I keep thinking the engine has failed. It’s supposed to save petrol. When I needed a new battery the guy told me when its on that mode, it takes twenty minutes of driving to go back into the battery, he advised turning it off as I don’t drive it every day and over time it’s draining my battery. If the battery is getting low, this econ mode won’t work either as the battery won’t cope with it. It’s off and staying like that.

Well I only had a few hours sleep again, going to take a lemsip, they have been helping, they seem to make me sweat but I guess it’s helping my body cope.

Nigel, your family are so lucky to have you, you are a great support for them, your daughter will feel a bit better today or she could hate herself for burdening you with doing that to you last night. I hope it’s the better one. She probably worried about you driving all that way on your own as well.

Quite a few of you wakened just now, it’s horrible, my body clock all over the place but it could be the 2 hour difference from Turkey still. Who knows, I hope you have all managed to get to sleep. I’m off to make my hot drink, take care xxxx

[Lizzy28]

Peaches I forgot to say, the red rug has been dumped. I had about 5 in the loft which I changed depending on the season, that was my Christmas winter one. I can’t take them all, I have a plain navy one down just now, my living room is silver with pops of navy. I liked the red one, it was cosy but it had to go, I will buy a new one if I need it. It’s mostly for the fire, as the coal has a tendency to roll as they are oval shaped, I have burnt quite a few rugs in my time or my husband had. Xxx

[Nigel-Marnee]

Lizzy I hadn’t thought about that hour clock change - I was awake at 6 this morning after only 5 hours sleep. But it was good sleep! I must have crashed out as nothing is on charge, whiskey still in the glass and both hearing aids in my ears! Oh well I certainly was tired after the long emotional day! Both my daughters and # 2 son were there plus my 2 SILs and almost all their kids and some long standing good friends. Nice evening!

I hope people have a good day today.

Love to all

PS. If the reception by all 3 kids was anything to go by, I was definitely missed! I’m so blessed with my family and that we are all so close (in miles and in our relationships)!

[Nigel-Marnee]

Thanks Peaches, she was only 50 and a lovely girl, who became a family friend too. I only found out when I got to the hotel, as my daughter didn’t tell me when she called whilst I was driving. (Fully hands free through the infotainment system). I hope she gets time off from school to go to the funeral (they were both teachers at different schools) I’ll go with her if I can. She’ll need support.

Nigel xxxx

[Lizzy28]

Nigel you are certainly blessed to have all your family as close as that. I hope I can be a bit closer to my son when I move back home. My DIL phones and texts me, keeps me up to date on what Daisy is up to. I feel I don’t know her as well as my other Grandaughter, I hope to rectify that. My son only calls to wish me happy birthday or Christmas, he is not big on conversation, not like his mum lol.

My daughter looked round the house last night and pointed to a few things that could be better, she was going to go out and weed a few bits for me but as it was late when they came and I wasn’t keen on going out I said I would do it today. I hate weeding. I have a burner it’s a long thing but I’ve never actually switched it on. My husband always handed me it ready to go. Do they light by an ignition switch, I’m not sure, I will need to go and look at it. The weeds at the front have died off but are all yellow, I want to burn them so they won’t look as bad. How lazy is that. I just hope it’s a sunny day when pics are done as this house is so light when sun is out. My Maintenance free garden looks great atm. Any plants that have survived the winter are flowering now. Just need to sweep up and get the odd weed out that I must have forgotten to put weed killer on. It shouldn’t take me too long. (I hope)
I found where the wheel barrow is lol, it’s hidden behind a large barrel with a massive plant in it. I bought it for my husband’s birthday about ten years ago as the one he had was wrecked… this one is heavy plastic but it had a crack in it and he kinda fixed it lol. I should have taken it to the dump, I might need to book a slot as they have a new system in place. There are shovels and stuff that I have missed as well. My daughter noticed them, how did I miss these things?.
I hope you have a good day Nigel, you should just chill today after your long journey yesterday. Xxx

[jody]

Good morning everyone

It is 12 months to the day that I lost my beloved partner so suddenly and unexpectedly, whilst we were on holiday. I have returned to the very north west of Scotland to scatter some of his ashes. It is very poignant but also very comforting, as it was the last place where we were together. I loved him then, I love him now and I will love him always.

In the style of Peaches, here’s 5 things I’ve learnt this last year:

• things don’t get better, just different
• I will survive
• there are some extremely kind people on this planet
• with regard to inheritance ( and perceived rights) when money comes through the door, love flies out the window
• most things don’t matter and nothing much matters at all

I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m determined not to die before I’m dead.

This site has supported me and kept me sane, when my world had collapsed and thought no one else understood; so thank you everyone.

Love to you all xx

Blockquote

[Debsie1]

Morning everyone. I love waking up and reading your overnight/early morning posts. It’s not good you are not sleeping but something for me to look forward to.

Peaches glad you feel so much better. You certainly bounce back quickly. A nice positive post. The beast sure keeps you busy. How is your garden looking?

Lizzy I’m now worrying that you have a chest infection. Just the thought turns my blood to ice. Take care.

Its been a while since we moved house but in England I think its still the potential buyer that gets a report or survey depending on how old the property is, or if there may be structural problems.

Nigel it must be nice to be missed. When we lose someone we keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing seems certain anymore or taken for granted. The English are great with the stiff upper lip but when it goes it really goes.

I forgot to say yesterday that I heard my first cuckoo. Always something we got excited about. Spring is definitely here.

Not really sure what to do today. Need to drop some Easter eggs off. Weather is not very good. I hope I can get a walk later.

Lizzy I didn’t know about a weed burner that sounds like something I need.

Jody, I hope today goes well. I am planning to scatter my husbands ashes in August and have no idea how I will feel. Your 5 things you have learnt is spot on, you have summed it up well. Well done on getting this far, he will be proud of you as we all are.

[Nigel-Marnee]

Lizzy, the weed burner should have a button you turn to allow the gas to flow and a (red?). Upton to press to light the gas. Don’t turn the gas on too high at first, just enough to light it, then you can adjust the flame accordingly.

#2 this morning!

“Thanks so much Nige. I feel horrible today. Too much to drink makes you emotional and doesn’t help anything. I avoid crying about mum because that doesn’t help anything either. Just going to keep busy today and hope this shit feeling passes. Thanks for being there for me. It really does mean a lot. Love you xxxx”

I need that magic wand!

[Nigel-Marnee]

I so hope everything today goes smoothly and as planned. Many hugs!

[Nigel-Marnee]

Debsie, like you, a chill goes down my neck at those words “chest infection”. I’ll never say “it’s just a chest infection” ever again!

I think we do an Energy Performance Certificate in England these days and the buyer can still choose what level of survey they want.

Yes it’s nice to be missed but it can be restrictive too - unfortunately! I really just wanted to go to bed last night, but I did enjoy it. Sometimes I wish I didn’t actually enjoy talking about Mary quite so much. Is that strange? A coping mechanism maybe?

Have a good day Debsie xxxx

[Nigel-Marnee]

Lizzy - Upton! What! I meant button.

[Diggerdave]

Goodmorning all .hope we all had a good sleep last night.raining today .hope we all haveca good day today xx

[Lizzy28]

Nigel, I thought daughter would feel like that, its been playing on her mind since she got up, hopefully sending the message will help her today.

Thanks for that info about the burner, gas things scare me, occasionally my husband lit the fire with a blow torch if it was being stubborn. I would leave the room. I will try it. Just hope I have enough gas as the elderly couple took about 8 cans away with them as I had no idea why my husband needed them. I know now! Wouldn’t that be funny if I ran out of gas. They were after the burner as well but I said I might need it. Wish I’d seen the wheel barrow, bet they would have taken that.

Nigel what would we do without you? Im so glad we all met up and kept posting.
Xxxx🤗

[Lizzy28]

Good morning Dave,
We have sunshine in Scotland today