My husband died 2 weeks ago, his funeral was 3 days ago. I am numb. It is the only word that fits. Like a zombie, just going through the motions of living one hour at a time and trying to stay busy so that I don’t think of the future. I don’t want to talk to anyone, go anywhere, see anyone. I am exhausted physically and mentally, but I am not in a puddle of tears. I have too much that must be done with accounts and an estate and all the rest. My mind races from one thought to another and no, I don’t know what I will do with his things, his car, our house. Yes, people have already asked these questions. Wow!
Can I have a minute? What advice do any of you have on sorting through your loved one’s things and when did you do it? When I think of it and the enormity and finality of it all, I get feverish and nauseous. Did you? Not eating and manic about cleaning the house and such. Lost 5 lbs. When my parents passed, I sobbed uncontrollably for weeks. Why have I only cried three times for my husband? I think if I start, I will collapse and not recover. Is this normal? So lost at the moment. So numb to the world.
Hello, I think in the early days we’re in a state of shock, our minds struggle to understand where is he?
How your acting sounds perfectly normal to me.
In respect of my husband’s possessions I didn’t do anything for 2 years, yes I had the family say I should do this and that, I didn’t and just did what I wanted when I wanted, I still have his favourite clothes & watches etc that I have in a drawer.
So sorry you find yourself here. It’s all perfectly and sadly normal, including the manic-cleaning bits. There’s absolutely no rush to clear his things. There are still things of John’s I can’t bear to clear away even after a year. You’re so early on this journey. Step back from the sadmin and everything for a week or so, and just concentrate on taking care of yourself.
I’m a few days into losing my hubby,i am not coping at all,suppose to have a couple of “friends” who let me bend their ears but the seem to be fed up of me going on about it,but i have no-one else to talk to.
I know where you are coming from,i don’t want to go out,eat,sleep,if i do sleep i don’t want to get out of bed what’s the point he’s not there.Have sorted his wardrobe out but things are on the blanket box for now.
Hello, I am 5 weeks from my husband passing and I am the same as you, I know I have the house, pensions and everything else to sort out and feel like running away, I have good days and then crying days usually after a crying day I am able to face one admin task and slowly getting down the list. I try not to think to far ahead and concentrate on each day as it comes. Today has not been a good day I had to sell my husands car his pride and joy. Life seems pointless but I know he would want me to carry on.
Talk to me here. I am tired of repeating myself and surely, my friends are tired of listening.
I’m in the same boat,having to sort everything out,it’s a minefield.i’ve had a bad day as well today everything is just overwhelming.
I am not coping,my hubby only passed last Friday,everything is just getting on top of me,i get fed of hearing one day at a time,i miss the adult chat and company.
A lot seems pointless to me now and I want to run away too! My husband’s dear friend came by today to select his choice of one of my husband’s guitars - as promised. Another came by to visit and left with my husband’s gorgeous, long, cashmere dress coat from Italy - as promised. Each helped me move some things that required 2 people. I won’t miss these things. Nothing in my house holds any value anymore. Yes, our husband’s would want us to continue to live life to it’s fullest. I know it hurt to watch your husband’s car drive away. I can’t begin to go there yet. My heart is with you.
I’m 13 weeks in. I’m so sorry for all of your loss but this is definitely the place to get support.
The first few weeks were horrific for me, overwhelming, exhausting physically and mentally as well as just total shock!
The advice I would give regarding sorting out ‘sadmin’ is take your time, do only the most important first. The rest isn’t going anywhere.
I found a really helpful site that tells you what to do as a priority just by googling it. Typically I can’t find it now to share!
One thing I’ve learnt -
Lots of companies have bereavement teams, just ask to deal with them, much better and less traumatic in most cases.
For me some days I feel I can do it others , no way. Just chip away as you can.
Give yourself time , it’s such early days.
Rest, eat regularly and do what you need to do to get through this time.
Sending love to you all
You are doing well, one step at a time. It’s crazy that all the sadmin has to be done when you are shocked and stunned. Just take it slowly and be kind to yourself.
Stumpy, yes, I am under a ton of stuff too. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork! It is not one day at a time, it is hour by hour. The only way I get through a day is to plan the next hour and what I will accomplish. I make a list of 5 things to do each day and then I just quit. Try the Rule of 5. Mark off what you got done and at least you will see that you are moving. It’s the best I can offer as I am just treading water too.
It is nice to hear from other widows and widowers that what I am feeling is normal. Thank you.
It will be 2 yrs for me at the end of November , and I still have not done anything with my husbands clothes, they are where he had them in the wardrobes .
Dont know when I will ever get round to doing something with them ,
I dont know if i have moved on at all since he died. The first yr i just kept myself busy, but this second yr, i have been very depressed and very loney without him .
My motivation is zilch .
I am not well at the moment , not sure but i think it might be covid, I miss him not being here to look after me.
Cant be bothered to cook , cant be bothered to do anything.
Sorry for this depressing post .
Love to all of us going through this hell. Xo
Don’t apologise for a depressing post, it’s better to offload. I did get rid of most of my husbands clothes really quickly but I did keep some things. Maybe a friend would help you with that if you wanted to start. For the time being just concentrate on getting better, it’s horrible when you’re not feeling well. Give yourself a little love, wrap up warm and stay in bed if you feel like it. Try making some nice hot drinks and soups if you don’t feel like eating. I hope you feel better soon. Xx
Thank you so much for your kind words .
Thats what I’m trying to do , ’ be good to myself’ something my husband was always saying to me , because of lots of demons from my childhood , i beat myself up regularly, if you are told often enough that u are not a nice person, you start to believe it, and that was my family that said that. Long story. 
I was with my husband for 50yrs when he died , he was the best thing that ever happened to me , he kept me sane , loved me so much and was always there for me , but now he is gone and i’m left alone without him 
.
I have 2 lovely sons and 4 grandchildren , my sister and a very small cicle of friends , who are there for me , but they cant be there all the time , they have their lives to live as well.
Its just the loneliness of that one special person not being there for you anymore and its heartbreaking .
Even after nearly 2 yrs , I still miss him so much and feel this is my life now , sad and lonely 
, without him. Xo
I am so sorry that your are suffering so much. My husband was my rock, too. I felt safe with him. I will not keep his clothes for long, I waited too long with my parents’ things and then it took 4 years to let it go. Yesterday and today, 2 of my husband’s best buddies came to collect the guitars they were promised. Bittersweet, but all good. I certainly will not leave this house full of stuff for my family to sort out. So, purge it is. I will never again have dinner parties for 20, so why keep that set of dishes and wine glasses? Do I need all of these pots and pans? Do I need 8 four foot Christmas trees? Facing mortality and finality puts everything into perspective and none of these things matter anymore. None of it. Friends delivered a whole meal from a fabulous restaurant. Can’t live on boiled eggs forever. So kind.
Well have finally got a date to pick up death certificate,then hubby’s cremation can go ahead,will be pleased when i get his ashes back as he will be home where he wanted to be.
Thank you.
You are right , I think not being well for the last couple of weeks has pulled me down as well,
But very true what you say about materialistic stuff, I am finding I have no interest in any of that now , whether it will come back, I dont know?
I have always loved Autumn and the run up to Christmas, but my husbsnd died 3 werks before Christmas, so now it is a nightmare
He also loved Christmas, used to pretend he didnt and say ‘you are not putting a Christmas tree up this year are you’ haha, really asking when am I putting it up😅
So sad all these memories which is all i have now .
Hoping next yr 2025, I will be 70, still a young thinking 70yr old , life might get a bit better, not just for me , but all of us on here.
Love 
to you during this awful time you are going through xo