Two years on and the feelings so ever present

I lost my husband after an eight week battle he faced of primary cns lymphoma (brain tumour) just one day before our twin boys first birthday. These two years have felt like a lifetime in so many ways and in others it only feels like yesterday since we had our life together and the future we had planned- taken away! I recently made the decision to come off anti depressants having gone straight onto them the day my husband died and I was in shock at the time, and though I feel clearer headed I remember more and feel more emotional and wonder if this will pass. I love my children very much and do the best that I can, though every day feels like a struggle and I wonder will this eventually get easier? I thought by now I would feel less emotional- maybe it’s the dates/anniversaries but I’m feeling it somewhat right now


@lippy2022 - hello there, I am so sorry that you lost your husband - two years, two months, two days or two minutes ago - it is all the same in Grief Time. For me, it is three months since my husband died. I talk to him all the time, mostly at night, in the dark and silence, in the cavern of our bed. It is hard. We grieve, we hurt, we weep, because of the depth of love we have for them and the love we shared. I think, as Grief Time passes, we can become more accustomed to our situation - which can mean it is easier to negotiate each day. Your future life, all that you planned together, was stripped away from you, as mine was with T. We have no choice but to go on, creating another life from the one we had. It is hard but as each day goes by, we can rack up little wins - every little one counts. And in doing so, feel stronger, more confident, more in control. This is what I am experiencing. I continue to love T with all my heart and soul, as I go about each day, doing my best, hoping for the best and putting one foot in front of the other. My friend, you are doing really well there. It will get easier, and your love for your husband will always be there, and his for you. xx


I can only reiterate what people say to me. Be kind to yourself. Not only are you dealing with your grief but with being a mum to 2 small children. Grief has no rules and regulations you need to feel how you feel and try not to shut it out. I’m 15 months in now. I feel most days that I’m ‘stuck’. I know I’m not as the shock has passed. But I ache with sadness and longing. Just get up every day and deal with it as it unfolds. Lots of love to you and your boys xx

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