Two years on…..

It’s been two years since my husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I thought I’d been doing so well and yet here I am, back to where I started with the crying and longing to be with him.

I’ve just fallen out with my daughter as she doesn’t understand how I find life so hard without her dad. I have no family living near me so am on my own. After two years, people just expect that I will have moved on now and that all is ok. How can it ever be ok?

I’ve done everything the books tell you to do. I volunteer, I’ve joined new groups, one a bereavement group, and I’ve made new friends. And yet, it’s the loneliness and sadness I still can’t cope with.

It’s just so hard and I can’t see a future that will be any different from the last two years………

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Hi @Trixie1,
In grief, as people always say, take it one day at a time, it’s when we look ahead it can feel overwhelming. The loss of someone you were so close to is no doubt a big change, & feeling the empty spaces where they once were, you are not alone, we all feel the loss of our loved ones, this shows how much we love them. Sending hugs of support.

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Hi so sorry for your loss it is horrible journey for us I feel just like you I lost my husband two years ago suddenly so know how you feel it is definitely not any easier is it family and friends do expect us to get over it but that can not happen when we have lost our soul mate I don’t feel that I fit in know have lovely son and daughter which I am grateful for but they have there lives I just keep trying but so hard and wish I did not have to
Thinking of you all that are o this site and hope you find the strength to find a way to survive this journey xxx

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Have just read your post and can tell you I feel exactly the same. It’s two and a half years for me. I’ve done the same - volunteering, making new friends, joining various groups.
But I just feel so alone. I feel as though I’m waiting and waiting for my husband to come home - but he never does. I tell him everyday how much I love and miss him. We’re not meant to live alone - sitting here alone day after day and night after night. I’ve two daughters who speak to me most days and do care about me. I feel no one can understand what this loneliness is like unless they have lost a partner themselves. I was married for over 48 years - but with him for 52 - since I was 15 years old.
I agree with you - nothing will ever be ok for us. I still cry every day and cannot see any improvement as the months or years go by.
We’ve also lost any spontaneity in life. Can’t just decide to pack a bag and go away for a few days or even go out for a meal on the spur of the moment. No one to go with unless it’s organised in advance. All very boring.
Sorry I can’t be more uplifting in my response to you - but it just feels like a life sentence of loneliness and heartache to me.

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Dear BarbM

Like you, I can’t see a future except one of loneliness and heartache. I’ve tried but nothing can fill the gap left by Ian. I’m thinking of moving to be nearer family as living so far away just increases the loneliness.

I still message Ian everyday, telling him how much I miss him and our life together. I suppose I’ve never accepted what’s happened as I keep expecting to see him again and hear his voice. How could that never happen again!

I’m tired of trying to fill my days with distractions as that is all they are really. Everyone is so busy with their lives that there is no room for anyone else.

I feel as if I’ve lost my identity as a person. I’m just a widow( how I hate that word) who has to accept what has happened and get on with it.

Take care x

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