Posting on here because I found this forum so helpful in the early months after my son James died aged 28.
Tomorrow is exactly two years since he died, unexpectedly. He was living with us and my husband found him dead in bed. His inquest concluded it was accidental, he had emphysema, which we didn’t know about, and had used heroin. His beautiful girlfriend took her own life in the July before he died, and I think he was trying to cope.
Finding this year so much harder than last, thinking I must have been numb and still in shock last year. Finding it very hard to get out of bed each day, or be interested in anything.
I hadn’t realised how much of me was still bound up in being a mum.
This really is an awful time of year for those of us who have lost our children. James probably founds the drugs helped him escape the misery of the loss of his gf. Sometimes i think life is worse for those of us who found our children passed away, then im torn a bit, thinking i wouldn’t have wanted my son to have been found by somebody else.
This time of year is filled with immense sadness. I try to be fun for my grandson, but i would rather do nothing, there is nothing to celebrate when your family is forever incomplete.
It is so hard, especially because everyone seems to be celebrating this time of year. I feel like a hollow version of my previous self. No words to describe this pain. xxx
Thank you. Christmas is such a hard time. I hope things will become easier to bear, but it’s difficult putting one foot in front of the other some days.