Had a lovely day out with Oldfield’s best friend and his wife. We visited an orchard that’s been dedicated to his memory, we walked we talked, mostly about Oldfield. How everything reminds me of him, how doing the regular stuff gets more familiar, how some things feel pointless, and others …well, I just have to get on with them.
I’ve had lots of support from friends, but they are busy with their lives, and when I don’t see them I find myself less motivated to do things. This second year has seemed really challenging, especially the last six months. Perhaps, due to a couple of viruses, and some dental surgery, there seems to have been a lot of things that need fixing and sorting with the house and car too.
When I’m doing stuff, I feel calmer, sort of numb, when I stop the grief, and the sadness just bubbles up and overflows.
I don’t know what I want , without him I feel adrift, lost, just bumping along …going with the flow.
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Hi @Moirarae
I’m sure it was nice to have a day where you could chat about your husband with friends and remember all the good things and the love you shared.
But as you say we still have that gaping hole where they have been and that seems impossible to fill.
People carry on but we are stuck in a different reality we don’t want.
I hope you continue to try and get the best out of life that you can do as I’m sure he would have wanted that for you.
I hope that time will make it easier for us all and somehow and somewhere we can find peace and purpose so we can move on to live a less sad existence.
Sending love and strength xx
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@Moirarae yes will be 2years in a couple of weeks for me. Not sure what i was hoping for but will say this very few people now talk about your loss. I have found if you seem to be getting on the assumption is all is well. Which is far from the reality as there is a constant internally battle keeping the grief, loneliness, and lack of purpose at bay. But here we are in an hollow existance trying to keep going on. Illness is a,real challenge even when not compounded with grief, so you are doing really well. Stay safe allen
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What a lovely name “Oldfield”, how unusual.
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Well at 19 months things continue to need fixing. Did from the start actually. Things I didn’t manage are worse now. The. Second year of ongoing stuff tougher. Just mowed front. I had help last year but if I don’t do it will have to join the pay for gardening queue. I started clipping the laurel bush and put off by shower. I will dutifully do it. But weeds keep coming thick and fast. I coped last year but way behind this year as trying to do other things as well. My son helped with some maintenance last year but lost gets endless so will have to try myself. Well now his headstone is up feel will simplify his grave and hope just get strimmed.
His car has gone so that is off my hands.
His clothes haven’t yet. There is a clothes swop going on will maybe try.
Been wearing his stuff
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A good way of stopping weeds growing as easily is to weed, then put down black membrane then cover with bark chippings. You need to renew the chippings in spring but both the membrane and the chippings are not too expensive, although i have no idea how big your garden is.
My garden isn’t big but back front and side. Well I moan but I do get to talk to neighbours doing front. Just lowered my standards. Got fork out how but lose stuff.
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