Llanstephan sounds lovely.
I will put it on my list.
Thank you x
George4
Here is some info
Thankyou: @Tykeyās for your positive comments ā¦. I agree itās tough to keep going and strong but that is what my Mr G would want for me. I had a day of riding waves yesterday, there was no specific triggerā¦. the waves started as calm rumbles that developed into crashing ones ā¦. I knew I had to hold on tight to get through them, it was painful but slowly they started to calm back down ā¦ā¦ thank goodness for my dogs who needed my care, love and attentionā¦. I know the storm has not completely resided but the ripples are more manageable ā¦ I will review my plan and take care of my self thankyou
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Thank you. Namaste 
Hi @MinnieImber . You sum up exactly what it was like for me. I still have an odd poor day, I think most of them are triggered by a thought which pops into my head and goes round and round in my head and a storm blows up, but eventually calms down. Then I cant even remember what that thought was, so I guess it couldnt actually be that important.
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hello two years for me in april.i still have tears everyday.struggle everyday.sadly in my life, i lost two wives.and the pain is twice as much
Thank you so very much for this. Iāve just hit the planning stage, I need to write that list.
Hi @Moirarae . Good luck with the planning. I made sure that some things are long term projects. Penny had a wonderful skill of making our garden wildlife friendly, mainly just by putting plants in higgledy piggledy and letting them grow. It turned into a wonderful jungle! Ive not got her eye for that, and Im getting older by the minute, so bit by bit, Iāve been changing it. Itās still wildlife friendly, but somewhere I can just sit on a summer day with a beer and book or contemplate my navel. Ive just been out doing a bit of furtling with it, its taken a few months but its nearly done. Im sure she would be happy with what Ive done. In fact Ive just turned her photo around so she can see it. (Silly, isnt it)
I found the Outer Hebrides expedition to be wonderfully cathartic, Iād love to go again!
Within a couple of minutes of turning Pennyās photo around to see what I had done to āherā garden, our little dog, Zola, who acts as if she is her āmessengerā just jumped onto my chest, licked my face and stared into my eyes. The thought jumped into my head that the message from Penny was āWhat have you done to my mahonia? It isnt there any moreā. Silly, but comforting in a strange way.
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Thatās lovely Tykey ā¦. Dogs are amazing creatures ā¦.
Thank you @tykey I have been in a job I hate for ten and a half years. After losing my beloved Mum to cancer, my plan is now to get the hell out of there as life is far too short to be unhappy and I am fed up with unhappy. I have a job interview on Monday and I felt extremely scared about it until I read your post. Thank you.
Hi @Sal46 . Im absolutely delighted that I have been able to help. At work. I had by circumstance finished up with a job I didnt want, working with people I hated, in a culture I hated. I had been there for over 30 years and so my pensions and benefits were at risk if I left. I solved it by having a heart attack and negotiating early retirement, but it left me with ptsd, we dont have to go to war to suffer this, do we. A risky strategy admittedly. I wish you every good wish at your interview. Please let us know how it goes! As I mentioned special hypnotherapy really helped me to overcome it. Fingers crossed!
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I always used to do the gardening, but when Paul retired he took over, just four years ago. Ours has always had a wildlife bias, and I love a bit of ground cover, but Paul would clear the beds and now I have masses of three-cornered leek invading every spare patch. He always looked after the pond and Iām loathe to disturb it. Iāve arranged for a friend to come and help me get some kind of control over it again, the garden that is, including the pond. However I have fixed the front fence and painted half of it, I also planted some lavender in what was his wildflower patch. Iām not sure heād have approved of that. I did it just after the funeral, we had pots of it at the village hall afterward, whenever we passed a bush weād pick a piece and hand it one to the other to sniff. Each time I pass some now I pick a bit and bring it home with me. Iām thinking Iāll transport the three plants from the front garden to the back garden to create a border with the others out there and revert the wildflower patch back to its former use. I have packets of wildflower seeds supplied by the Life for a life community forest. We planted an oak tree, as per Paulās request, and scattered his ashes there.
Iāve struggled to go and sit in the garden since he died. I just end up sitting and crying. He loved being out there, and out in the countryside too. I think Iām suffering from wilderness withdrawal, itās difficult when those nearest to us arenāt the same way inclined and people worry about me wandering out on my own in the countryside.
Sorry Iām rambling, thanks for listening. Moira
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Ramble away Moira. Iām sure he would approve of planting lavender in his wildflower patch, its one of those classic flowers which bees love, and butterflies collect loads of nectar from it. I had to google that, and I am now feeling bad for pulling up a very large plant of lavender. Also, if you cut yourself, it makes an excellent natural antiseptic poultice, (the Romans introduced it here for that very purpose).
Im sure he would be happy if it makes you happy!
Ive had an interesting day today
You will remember that one major reason for getting through my grief so well has been that Ive learnt to control my thoughts, because emotions are caused by thoughts
Iāve learnt, as far as Iām able , to keep my mind gently focussed on what Im doing at the time. Penny used to complain Iād be thinking of 10 things at one time, and finishing none of them. Now, I think of only one thing, and doing even that one thing placidly.
I didnt realise how effectively I have been doing that, I have become like Winnie the Pooh (ho hum, I think Ill sit on this log for a while and have some honey is what heād say).
Today, I went to fly a spitfire, and shoot down some messerchmits and german bombers. In a simulator of course. I sat there with about a dozen dials, about 8 hand levers and 4 foot pedals. After 5 minutes I hadnt even managed to point the plane anywhere near down the runway. At that stage, my brain exploded, I just couldnt do it, and I had to give up and abandon my plane on the runway.
My brain explosion felt like when I was grieving badly, with loads of thoughts hammering around in my head, with no way out, I was shaking and panicking just as I had when I started my journey of grief.
So would I recommend controlling our thoughts as best we can , or grieve?
Seeing as its somewhat unlikely Iāll ever be needed to fly a spitfire against the Russians, I think Iāll keep my thinking in check and be reasonably happy.
So, Ill be off to eat some honey with my friend Piglet, Ho Hum!
PS if youāve never read " The House at Pooh Corner,", you might think Im cracking up!
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@tykey Your story is interesting. I have admitted that grief is now part of my life and I allow time for it as an activity in its own right, what I call my time outs. In these I can cry, reflect, even laugh at stupid things we did. This means that when I do other things grief seems less likely to intrude and I feel no guilt about doing them. I am only four months in and the emotions are still very near the surface so I am not entirely free of random or triggered meltdowns but these seem to be fewer. I think maybe we have mo choice but to allow grief a space however hard we try to fill our time, But everyone will find their own way. Keep posting.
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Hi Mike you very much remind me of how I felt after only 4 months which is still very early. Yes we have to recognise grief is normal and give it time
As we keep going the emotions become less and less, but the happy thoughts increase. Difficult to see at the time. Battle on, just burying grief doesnt help. Good luck.
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I find distraction is key.
I also have my moments but embrace them as itās still my connection to hubby.
Two years on I have āa contentment of sortsā ( think it was AnnR Iāve pinched the saying from on a previous post. )
G. X
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Hi if you can get out of a job you donāt like do it.Life is way too short
Find happiness in everything you do .
Deborah x
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