Unable to cope with my wife's death

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hello,
Been six months today that I became a widower. I lost my wife Balbir aged 49, a caring, warm loving person.
She was born that way and it’s always the good ones who go first, polite, smiling and laughing making the most of any situation adhered .
I miss her so much, so that each day I talk too her daily through out each day seeking her help, understanding so that my kids and I can get through another day.
I pound the pavements every night just wondering, talking to Bal, crying etc.

It helps and now six months on its seems harder to cope, missing her voice, laughter, presence in our house.
Our house is a lonely place with no joy, just a eerie silence as we sit in different room, not watched TV nor bought a newspaper , my life is on hold since that day.

Just to say thank you Bal for 23 years of togetherness.
You where unique and I want you to come for me soon,as promised so that we can be a couple again, live life again together.

Ravinder.
Words cannot express what you meant to us.

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#2

I am so sorry to hear this. I lost my partner one month ago. I can tell the love you had for each other through your words. I phoned Cruse Bereavement Care and spoke to them a few times. I am having an assessment today for face to face free counseling with them. Would you consider this?
I also could not put the TV on for ages. It felt I don’t know disrespectful or like entertainment and my partner was gone, why am I entertaining myself? But now even drivel on TV slightly gives my mind an outlet. I think I just put the picture on the TV in first, then the sound eventually.
What I next say is not a criticism, here goes… I think your wife would want you and your children to try and live a happier life. However that is without your wife there. Small steps. Sit together a bit more? Hug…
That’s my bit for now.

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#3

Hello,
Mysmugcat thank you for your concern, king thoughts.
Unfortunately I just can’t seem to be able to live life normally as before, even a little bit since I would feel guilty doing so without my Bal.
We never knew any other way but togetherness.
Try to manage my kids by supporting them the best I can daily, I ve tried Cruise and found them un helpful. They just want individuals to quickly move on and accept the facts, treat you like a production line, Next lot please!
I have made friends via cruze and this site which helps ad we can keep in contact, times of feeling low, contact them just for a chat to get through that feeling of sadness, loneliness, hear and share our thoughts .

Thank you.
Ravinder

#4

Hi Ravinder im very sorry for your loss .I completely understand the guilt part .But please dont be offended by my advice .Try to find something new that only you enjoy .Your heart and brain need a temporary release from your nightmare .lt wont vanish unfortunately your nightmare will patiently wait (im just over a year into my nightmare.I still at times think ill wake up and my Denise will be alive.Constant facing your nightmare 247 isnt good for you try to escape it .Colin

#5

Hi Ravinder
Thank you for posting your story. I find it comforting to read the experience of other widowers who are going through the same agony. I lost my wife Cathryn just six weeks ago today. She was 50. From what I feel we each have to find our own way to continue our lives alongside the loss but it helps to understand how others have managed. Maybe there will come a point where each of us decides that there is a future out there. I know I want that because it seems wrong to me to suffer for ever more. I don’t feel any guilt or shame about wanting that. Wishing you and your children well.
Tim

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