Hi
I lost my husband just before Christmas following a brain tumour which was a total shock. We had just nine weeks from diagnosis to death. We had been married for 51 wonderful years and he was my everything. I totally underestimated just how devastating his death would be, i expected something like the grief I felt when my father died. How wrong I was, this is so much more intense to the point of unbearable. I also didn’t give any thought as to how lonely life would be without him, absolutely everything is so different now.
I’ve tried counselling but although it’s helpful just to talk to someone I need someone who truly understands what I’m going through. It’s been 14 weeks today since he passed away but I feel worse with each passing day like I’m stuck in reverse. I don’t understand how after spending all my adult life with a man I adored I am supposed to move forward on my own? I am so lost right now.
You’re so right Wrens. It is totally devastating to lose the one we love and who loved us, the one we have spent all of our adult lives with and shared everything with for as long as we can remember. Suddenly its all gone. How can that be? Missing them, the loneliness and the heartache is unbearable. My husband died suddenly, next to me, in bed as we were chatting one Saturday morning 10 months ago. We were torn apart in minutes and I couldn’t save him. I find I am crying more now it’s spring as I remember this time last year when he was getting his boat ready to go for his first sail of the season. All that work then he didn’t even get one sail because he died that day. So unfair. We have to keep going, step by step, building a new life without them because we don’t have any choice. It’s so so hard. I watch a lot of ‘grief’ YouTube video’s, some of which help a bit, particularly those by Megan Divine. She understands as her partner drowned. I hope you can find some help and support. My 2 daughters don’t live nearby but they support me a lot by phoning nearly every day. We can’t escape the grief. We have to learn to accept it and go through it even though it is so painful. There are lots of us going through this. We’re not alone. Thinking of you xx
Hi Wrens. Hopefully this website will help you see just how many people feel just like you. It feels like you have to learn to walk again on weak and wobbly legs. You keep falling down and all the painful muscles are screaming at you to stop. It isn’t a person that has died its a couple. That couple was you too. A new person has to rise from the ashes but it seems so overwhelming, just where do you start. With just one step. Do not look down the long and winding road, the panic will set in. Just concentrate on the little things. You will overcome obstacles and gain in confidence but it is incredibly slow progress and the bad days will make you question your progress. Its a game of snakes and ladders. I’m nearly 6months down the road and it doesn’t feel like much progress is made. But I spoke to several neighbours yesterday and I spoke about him without crying. I look at his picture and cry, my ambition is to be able to look at it and just smile. I hope we can all get to that point. Good luck.
Thank you Debsie1 for responding to my post. I’ve woken up this morning feeling very sad as always. Like you I am unable to look at my husbands photos without bursting into tears. I long for him to still be here with me. I promised him that I would be o.k. after his death and I would look after our son and grandson. I wasn’t prepared for the intense grief that comes with losing a spouse. I am already appreciating what this online community offers. Finally I have people that truly understand what I’m going through and that is so important. I hope that we can both move forward to a time when we can look at our photos and smile. Take care.
Hi Wrens - totally get where you’re coming from regarding the intensity of grief. Nothing can even begin to prepare us for this. For me, it has been ten times as hard as previous losses. This community is a tremendous help - it helps even just knowing that we aren’t alone in our feelings.
I totally underestimated how bad it would be for me, too. Worse than any loss I’ve experienced. It affects everything, what you do, what you eat, where you go, etc. It affects how you see yourself and relate to yourself, your identity. I’m overwhelmed more than not, but some days are a little better. My progress is so slow. I hope you find peace and comfort on your journey.
Hi Nancy123
I am having such a horrible time right now. I cannot comprehend how I can possibly move forward with life on my own after 51 years of marriage. I miss my husband every minute of every day, he was my everything. When you lose everything you’re left with nothing. I don’t have any friends as my husband was the only friend I ever needed, we lived in our own little world perfectly happy.
I have a son who has been my rock since my husbands death but he has his own family to look after. Next week is my birthday and the week after would have been our 52nd wedding anniversary. Our anniversary was always our favourite day of the year. I think we both knew that what we had was very special. Of course I am very grateful for all the wonderful years we spent together but that just makes his loss all the harder to bear.
I feel emotionally and physically drained and I long for a day when I feel relieved of all this heartache. I hope you too can move forward on your journey. Take care.
Thank you. Take care of yourself, too.