I don’t even know how this post is going to be. I hope it makes sense.
On the night of 15th July my family dog died. She was quite old already and had been going through some health issues towards the end of her life.
I haven’t lived in the family home for 5 years now (they live in Spain) and it all felt very… I don’t know… far away for me.
She accompanied me through my early teens up until I moved out. I have visited on multiple occasions but it was for a few days or a couple of weeks max. But I still loved her with all my heart, she was like a sister, always next to me when I was sad and just loved to be around us, always made my days better.
On the day it happened, I was the one being strong to support my mother and brother through their feelings and arranging the funerary services. I think I only cried for a minute when I realised they called me because she died and not because she was feeling sick but still living. The day after I was feeling down but still was not able to feel the grief because I have other responsibilities and other people depending on me. It will be a month in about 10 days and I’m still not able to feel anything sadness or the ‘stages of grief’ other than apathy towards everything or nothing different to my regular depression.
I think in my mind I still don’t feel her gone like that, just gone like when I leave after visiting but, i am aware that’s not the case.
Maybe someone has some tips on how to get it out. I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to talk about it.