My son was my best friend too and he said i was his. He was 35 and still said he was mummys boy and proud to say it.
This life we now find ourselves in is just awful, trying to keep going as our children would want us to but its so very hard.
The pain of missing him is overwhelming at times and i have massive meltdowns. I shed tears every day. I long to be with him again. I look at his children, 6 and 3 years and it breaks my heart he is not here to see them grow up.
I miss my son so very much 
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I’m so sorry, I know exactly how you feel my son was 28 when I lost him. I feel every bit of your pain. There is no normal, never will be. But there is trying to learn to cope which is sooooo difficult. I get up and scream out loud to release the pain every morning. Believe me it sounds nuts but it helps. There is no way of making anyone understand because our own grief is personal to us. People say time is a great healer, well it’s not, but I I’ve now realised he would hate me to give up on life, I try because he didn’t have long enough to. I can’t believe I’m writing this I never thought I would be able to. Just don’t listen or read about how you should be feeling, or doing things. Do things in your own time and what’s best for you.
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I send him a text every morning his partner keeps his phone charged i write in a journal as well. I have him at home and talk to him all the time, if i go out i leave alexa playing his favourite radio channel. Sometimes i feel im going crazy.
Im still in disbelif mode at times though. I so long to have him back. Sending love in your pain too xx
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This life is cruel im so sorry your on this horrible journey a rollercoaster ride of emotion .just be you your good to get out of bed in the morning theres no rules my sam had sarcoma a rare cancer he was 24 .he passed just after his 25th birthday .today was his funeral four years ago it dont seem possible or real i still ache so bad .its just cruel … our children live in our hearts pocket . Always around sending everyone love and hugs …always come on here your among friends without this site who knows … 
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This is now day 55 without my lovely son. I think that the only people who understand what it is like to lose a child is another person who has lost their child. The grief is totally different to losing a parent or sibling. I feel like a big chunk has been cut out of my very soul. We are the ones who grew our child in our bodies. Our blood ran through their veins. We helped them take their first breath. Is it any wonder why we feel like we do. It’s such an effort to get out of bed, plod through the day looking for things to do to try to distract yourself, until the day is finally over and you can go back to bed. The thought of living like this until I die is so overwhelming. I’m sure I’m not the only person who is welcoming the thought of death now. It is a glimmer of hope in the horizon. It’ll be wonderful to meet up with my darling son again. Until then I’ll just have to endure each difficult monotonous day. Sorry for rambling and thanks for listening.
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Letty68 i completely understand how you are feeling. It will be 23 weeks this wednesdsy i relive the whole day every week.
I wake up in the mornings and mad im still here. I so long to be with my boy xx
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The pain you feel now has to ease your in great shock right now such trauma the sick feeling in the morning is it real will get a little easier our bodys and brains learn to cope a bit better i have to believe we will see them again there at peace not in pain there too good for this world keep coming on say anything you like this is a safe place sending hugs zoe
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Letty, please don’t think like that. I want to hug, kiss, laugh, wind up my son so much, I’ve heard people say in the past that their heart hurts, I never understood it. Now I do tenfold. You need to be proud of being a wonderful mom, and now you need to be kind and caring to yourself.
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We are all struggling with the loss our children, as someone said the monotony of each day which sometimes feels like an endurance test is awful. Unless you have lost a child, a young child, a teenage child or an adult child, noone can understand the endless reply of events leading up to thier deaths, could we have done more? Was there any hint of what was to come? On and on it goes.
I owe it to my daughter to carry on, she was so alive, so bloody wonderful that it t would be so disrespectful for me to give up as I’ve wanted to so very many times. I firmly believe I will see her again one day, I have to, it’s that thought that drives me on. With love to all xxxx
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I’m so sorry! I’m crying just thinking about how hurt you are. I’m lying in bed too, crying and don’t want to get up either. My 22 year old son has passed as well, on May 8. I’m so sorry. This is so hard, I know.
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Foxiefair123
My heart goes out to you as do all the mums on here who have lost their baby. My baby left me 23 weeks ago this Wednesday and ive just had a major meltdown. The saying “time heals” well it doesnt the pain gets worse each passing day, the tears fall every day. I cant give you any hope for the future but i can give you my love and say you are not alone as many mums on here have said to me. Heartbroken is not a strong enough word. Thinking of you 
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Dear @Zoe9
I have read many of your posts over the past few years and have always been struck by your support, kindness and compassion for others. What a wonderful mum your son has.
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Guess we all know that feeling of never wanting to get up again because our beloved son or daughter will not be there.
But keep faith - the grief will become less overwhelming. The sorrow will never end but at least life becomes more tolerable.
And at some point we will smile again and we will feel our children smiling right back through the crack in our broken hearts.
Life may feel unbearable and at best seem pointless but we must remember, through our loss, that life is a precious gift 
love sent to you all
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Ellen3 your kind words have really touched me ,thank you… this horrible journey we have found ourselfs on .so many people have helped me i hope along the way sometimes my words help others on this site . Thank you zoe
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I’m having a major meltdown today. I can’t ever see a way forward without my son. Why couldn’t I have gone with him that day.
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I had major meltdown yesterday which has carried on today. I feel exactly the same sending love xx
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I so wish I could take some your pain away, grief is so hard and consuming, so is love, we grieve hard because we loved so hard xxx
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Letti. You have described every emotion and feeling I am going through. I have two boys aged 33 and 27 and my youngest Matt passed away on 6th April. Waiting for coroner to advise why and have been told it could be six months. This pain is so intense and I feel as though I cannot carry on. My husband and older child are the only reasons I am still here. The pain. There are no words. How awful it is for every parent on here who has sadly lost a child but yet they are helping to pull each other out of the dark. I am so sorry for you loss and for everyone on here who is missing a part of their heart with the loss of a precious child. Tomorrow my Matt would have been gone 8 long long weeks I cannot understand how this is our reality 
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Jen
Our situations are so similar. I have another son aged 26 and a daughter aged 32 and my youngest aged 24 passed away 9 weeks tomorrow. We’re also still waiting for the final results of the post mortem but I know it will have been due to sudden adult death syndrome. We are both on this journey and experiencing the same emotions at the same time so don’t be scared to reach out if you need a chat, to cry, to scream, I am here to listen and scream with you.
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Thank you Letty. I think we all need each other on this chat and thank you yes I will probably need to scream and cry with you ,
My head feels like it’s going to explode and today my whole body is tingling with anxiety and panic.
8 weeks today I lost my baby and every day this gets so much harder.
I feel as though my heart is constantly racing.
I am praying we get an answer from the test results. Not that it changes anything but may help other family members it there is a genetic defect that was undiscovered with our beautiful sensitive kind and considerate son Matt.
I am crying as I am writing this as I am sitting on the sofa at my eldest son’s house whilst everyone else is still asleep. I am trying not to cry around my husband and older son as I don’t think they are coping well so don’t want to burden them with this.
Why so much pain and why have our beautiful children been taken so soon. It’s just so sad for them that they are not here with their families and friends doing what they should be at such a young age.
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