Unanswered questions

My mum got diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer in April 19 it was a massive shock as had no symptoms. It was only when her tummy got acities that we new something was wrong. I feel like I am constantly on edge waiting for something and with this covid 19 I am terrified of me getting it giving it to my mum. I ask myself will I cope when the time comes, how long has she got so many questions I have no answers to. I suffered with severe depression years ago and worry I will get will get sick when time comes. My mum was a bigger lady and has lost 5 stone and it scared to see the weight coming off. I just want advice on how to deal with all the what ifs in my head.

Dear Mouradian,
I totally understand that your mind is full of what-ifs and worries at the moment and that you are looking for answers, but none of us knows what the future holds and how we will respond to things when they happen. What I found helpful, and what I have read many times in other people’s posts is that we should try to live 1 day at a time, sometimes even 1 hour or 1 minute at a time. Make precious memories with your mum. If you are living with her, or visiting her, just follow the guidelines the health services have given to reduce the risk of either getting or spreading the virus. Make the most of the time you have with your mum.

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Thank you jo it means a lot and what you have written makes sense, I need to do exactly that each day. I have cried so much I cannot cry so much now, I suppose each day are mind and body is preparing itself. Big hugs to you x

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Oh, yes, we all wish we have the answers but we don’t come with a date stamp. If things go wrong because we do something then that’s the way it was meant to be, please don’t start each day thinking about may or may not be but think I will be strong and deliver what others want but only for now. Later you have to live as you should because ‘it’s’ you. Things at that time are so difficult and will stretch us, so yes, take each day, one at a time. S

Thank you Susie

Hi , I’ve been there I lost my mum in 2011 to cancer it was a total shock to me too , I’ve not much advice as I’ve just joined for help myself , I’m not handling it very well I too suffer severe depression , all’s I can say is take each day as it comes try to be strong for ur mum and treasure every moment u have with her , try not to think of the what ifs try to concentrate on being strong for her best u can , keep strong x

AHi Titchypants, nice to know you have found the site and I do hope it helps. Many people need to post just to have a say or write about how they feel. I am sorry you suffer from depression and losing someone special increases the all problems. We have to be strong just to get from one day to the next and then we should remember to be proud of ourselves for doing just that. Under the present circumstances depression and grieving is all made much harder to deal with and just writing/talking about it helps, so please keep posting and reading what others say.
I do love your ‘name’ and it made me smile which is worth a lot. Take care and thanks for making me smile.

Hi Mouradian2581

Just seen your post and hope your OK?
I’m in a similar position, my mum has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I worry how im going to cope without her in my life. I’m a strong positive person but that makes things worse as I feel I need to be strong for everyone else. This is the 9th cancer she has had and I do feel lucky that since her 1st diagnosis I’ve been able to spend time with her. She’s seen me get married, buy my 1st home. I just don’t feel ready to say goodbye yet . Hope anyone going through the same is OK and staying strong.

I lost my sister to cancer in April I’d to watch her loose her fight, weaken and die. If anyone had asked how I’d cope in that situation I’d have said I wouldn’t be able to but youl be amazed at the strenth you will have when the time comes.


Hi. Paula. You are so right. We are all given courage, no one has more than anyone else, but it’s the realisation of that fact that escapes so many.
Us humans have the ability to reason, unlike animals. That can be a blessing or a curse. We ask questions that can never be answered in this life. So many questions can plague us and make us feel worse. We can never forget, that’s not possible, but we can concentrate on day to day events and dig deep for that inner courage we all have. Day by day is best. It’s too soon to look into the future. That will come later.
Blessings. John.

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