Unattended funeral

My Dad died a week ago. I was with him the day before he died, probably about 12 hours before he died. He had been ill for quite a while and I knew he didn’t have long and he knew. He had heart and kidney failure. He was basically bed bound and the hospice care was all set up. “Just in case meds” were delivered that day while I was there. He told me he had had enough and said sorry to me for being morbid. I was holding his hand and told him not to be sorry, now was the time to say what he felt. I told him how much I loved him. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. I left and said I’d see him the next day. He died in the early hours of the morning. He was at home with my step mum when he went. I’m grateful that I had the time to spend with him that day, it means so much to me. The unattended funeral hasn’t happened yet, and I know they let you know when it’s done, but I’m struggling with not being able to say goodbye. It’s what my Dad wanted but it will be hard to think of him going off alone without me or my sisters there or my step mum.


Sorry for your loss. I’ve never heard of this. So it’s basically a funeral no one goes to?

Why can I ask was this his wish?

You can’t go to it, you only know the day and time. My Dad’s wishes not mine

Oh I see, could you and your family not think of something to honour his memory, like maybe releasing balloons etc. Or meeting somewhere for a meal with all the family?

Like the idea of going for a meal actually. Thank you


Hi my husband and my dad both had this type of funeral you could release blooms with a special message on them or maybe a bench with his name on it or even plant a tree with a special plaque just a thought so sorry for your loss xx


I had a friend whose mum passed and she had a funeral like you mentioned The family all met at the stated time at a special place and had a picnic then watched the sun setting It was beautiful. They went to a local beach and raised a glass of wine also.
You could do a small celebration of life with everyone bring some food to share .
Maybe you could do something similar.
Thinking of you


Its known as a direct cremation
Thats what I arranged for my wife, and what will happen when my turn comes. I later arranged a party to celebrate her life, so everybody had a chance to say goodbye.

They tell you the exact time the cremation will take place, and where. They are treated with the exact respect they would get in a traditional funeral. I didn’t want her to be alone, so I went with a couple of her closest friends and sat in the adjoining garden of remembrance with her two dogs, and talked about her, and to her. We saw her coffin arrive

It was as perfect a send off as I could possibly imagine.

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My husband also chose to have this funeral it is due in the next week,it was his wishes and i hope i can honour him in some of the ways you have suggested,i am so proud of him as he knew i would stuggle terribly if i had to go through a funeral he always thought of me and knew this would ease my suffering the funeral directors are two females they have been wonderful and assured me they will conduct the service with all the respect and dignity that they always do for every funeral so i am at peace with it and his ashes will be returned to me i am going to have a butterfly pendant with his ashes or lock of hair inside too sending love and strength to all god bless xx

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