It’s 7 am and I still can’t get up, although I have to go to work.. I’m completely broken. My situation is so horrible that l don’t fit anywhere anymore…
Janka
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Good morning Janka I am so sorry to hear your suffering. What has brought you down today? I hope you find the strength you need to get up and look after yourself. Wishing you lots of strength and sending hugs
All the best Tom
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This forum was my last hope, Tom, but I can’t participate here when I have to read comments how people here have 4 or 5 cars and I don’t have anything anymore and they know it. I find it to be very insensitive, so I feel that I don’t belong here anymore!
Janka
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Hi Janka
I’m sorry you feel like that, please don’t leave. If it makes you feel any better, my situation isn’t good either. My future is extremely unsettled and I’m scared about it, as I live in a rented house and don’t know when I could be asked to leave. How we came to be in this situation is a long story and now that I’ve lost my best friend, the one who made everything okay, I don’t know where I fit in anymore…
Some days are easier than others, but no day can ever be the same without my lovely Ray. I also have family problems on both sides, so understand how you feel so alone.
I hope things improve for both of us!
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I’m going to have one unexpected day off tomorrow, so I’ll try to take a rest and find a way how to move on. We have many storms and rain every day now, so maybe I’ll post some pictures from my garden.
Janka
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Dear Fi, I know what you mean. I don’t know how it’s going to be with me either. I hope that we both will make it somehow. I still wake up moaning or crying from bad dreams into this lonely reality every morning when I open my eyes. as well as now at 7 am. I don’t need any alarm anymore. My left arm, that hurt before, is hurting more now. I shouldn’t lift up heavy things, but I need money to pay my bills. I asked my manager to compensate this unexpected day off, so I can work on Thursday too, that means that I won’t rest 2 days in a row as well as people do at weekends. I hope that staying at home in my lovely garden full of birds with my plushies will help me to get rid of this horrible morning anxiety I’m coping with, it’s already getting better being up now, so I don’t go back to sleep. Maybe I’ll be able to play the piano for my most beloved husband today, so it’s not so silent here. He would wish it so much… Perhaps we’ll have a better day today, the weather is beautiful here…
Hugs from Janka
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Thank you Janka. I don’t need an alarm anymore either. I wake up after a few hours and reality strikes, he’s not here and never will be again. How can I never hear his voice again, or see his lovely smile?
Sending you a big hug too, I hope your week goes as well as it can xx
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I have thousands of videos with his voice, but I still struggle to watch them. Sometimes it brings some comfort, but most of the times it’s too painful, so I rather prefer watching his lighting picture on my kitchen window and talking to him all the time. However I have a few photos in my phone bringing me peace and comfort I can look at every day. When I go to church, I put it close to my heart, so it makes me feel that he’s sitting next to me like he always did. I do it every Saturday night and I don’t care what those fake people around me think. My best friends, even though far, are still present in my life, giving me the best support they can do. So nice to hear from you, Fi!
Hugs from Janka
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Hi toni77,
I’m new here. And I know exactly how you feel I lost my wife on the 28th of June 2026 the loss and pain is unbearable. Also I wasn’t there when she passed I pop home for a shower and some food but her sister and our son were both there. I also feel like I can’t go on without her as we were together 32 years but we have 2 boys and 2 grandsons so I have to be strong for them. She was only In hospital 12 days before she passed 
.
I have recently went back to work which i hope helps me.
And they say time is a healer but I’m unsure. Always here if you need a chat as i know how you feel!!
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I hope that you all have somebody to rely on. I don’t! I only know a few people here in a foreign country to contact, if I need help. I have no family here and my best friends live 10 000 km from me. People in this forum are a good support. My most beloved husband died last year and my faith is the only thing that keeps me going on to see my love again… God bless you all! Janka
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Hello Ferdy, im so sorry for the loss of your wife, its very recent for you that you lost your wife, i hope going back to work isn’t too stressful for you..i lost my husband in March, we had been married for 35 years, we have 2 adult children and 2 grandkids that keep me going, they are my reason to get up in the morning..i hope posting here will help you , there’s a lot of caring people ready to listen and offer advice on how they cope with their loss. Take care and God bless you 
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Hi lightmary68,
Work has certainly helped a little it’s just at home is the most difficult. Just her not being there to talk too or cuddle is the hardest thing. And yes my 2 boys and 2 grandson are what is keeping me going. If I didn’t have them I don’t thing I could have coped.
And thanks for your kind words.
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Dear @Ferdy this must be a tough day for you, 1 month since your lovely wife died. Yes, the pain feels unbearable and more so in the first two months. My beautiful husband died 5 months ago today, as time goes by there are moments of calm and the intensity of the anguish does go down. But the reality is still huge sorrow, sadness and pain. Sending you a big hug
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Dear Ferdy I am sorry you are suffering. Your wife was eight years younger than my wife and it’s terrible to be left alone with a lonely future ahead. My wife was diagnosed with bile duct cancer and died after two years of treatments. It was so difficult to watch my loved one suffering and not being able save her. I thought I was prepared for what was to come but when she died the pain was unbearable. Things improve, bit by bit the pain goes and is replaced by an emptiness and longing to be together. I’m seven months in and I hope one day to be able to think about my wife without the pain of loss. I hope you find some solace here where everyone understands a bereavement. I found exercise and walking in nature to be beneficial for surviving.
Wishing you all the best Tom
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Hi Ferdy,thankyou for your reply.
All you lovely people have been great, knowing you are all grieving too means such a lot.
I am sorry you too have lost your partner.
Sending you lots of love 
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Good night Toni I am glad to see you posting I hope everything is ok and you are managing to cope.
Wishing you a good night’s sleep tonight and sending hugs
All the best Tom
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I amsorry I didn’t see this sooner.
I really am thankful for you messaging me.
Not many people understand the whole oxygen machines, ventilators, nebuliser etc What I miss most is him ringing my phone at 6.30 each morning at weekend I would usually still be asleep, weekdays I would be getting ready for work. He always rang so I could turn his oxygen concentrator on so he could go from the NIV to oxygen, then I would open the blinds. I still can’t get used to that.
It is now 6 weeks since he passed and I have just woken crying again. I still haven’t slept through the night.
I am sorry you too are struggling.
If you too want to chat you are more than welcome to message me.
Sending lots of love
Take care x
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