Today the pain is unbearable. I cant move, cant focus feel an awful gnawing pain inside. I miss my son so much, cant believe hes gone and will never see him again.
Sorry for bleak message.
X
7 Likes
Oh Susan I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my son Theo October of 2021 he was 22 years old. I don’t know exactly how you feel but I felt same in early days. I know with the pain you’re feeling now you’re probably not be able to grasp that things will get better but they will. I am still struggling myself but it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning. I know the pain is unbearable and sometimes you feel like you’re not going to make it to the next day but you do. Just getting up and out of bed is moving forward. Don’t ever apologize for your messages being bleak everyone on here is here to support and not judge. Feel safe to say anything that you feel. I wish I could come through and give you a big hug. 
4 Likes
Hi Susan.
It really is the most terrible pain. There are no words that explain to people who don’t know. It takes you to the very bottom. Nothing anyone can say will help. But interacting with people on here definitely helps. You can find people who know exactly where you are up to on your journey. In the beginning nothing makes any sense. You loose your appetite. All your senses go haywire. The days are endless with only the even worse nights to look forward to. If I could give you the answers you are looking for I would be a miracle worker. It’s an horrendous path that we must travel. Your every thought is filled by your son. You will cry a river, you will become emotionally redundant. People around won’t know what to say or do, they will want to help, but they can’t. Each day is a mountain to climb and you really don’t know how you manage to get past this truly awful pain you are feeling.
But as racy said, just getting out of bed is a massive achievement. Learning to breath again, doing anything at all is a step in the rite direction. Writing messages on here is all positive stuff. Everyone on here has been were you are or are still were you are. Each day that passes is a day nearer to getting some sort of normality back in to your life. As boring as routine is, it is one thing that helps you,. Also there are no magical cures for what we suffer but if you need to try something/anything that you think might help then don’t hesitate, you must give it a go. Your mind plays tricks on you. Your imagination will have you reliving your shock over and over again. But one thing I can guarantee, there will definitely be better days ahead. Not rite away. But you will reach a point when you realize that you are feeling slightly better even it’s just miniscule. Loosing a child is a massive trauma. It’s not something we can just walk away from. It will change you, it will change how you view life. It will change everything around you. You will get to a better place Susan. I no you can’t see that yet. But it will come. Try not to be to hard on yourself. Some days you will cry all day till you can’t cry anymore. It’s totally understandable. Never apologize on here, you have nothing to apologize for. We are all on the same path as you, some further than others. You are a strong person.
Take care my friend
Jim.
3 Likes
Hi Racy,
Im so sorry for the loss of Theo, 22 is so young, thats a terrible loss. My son was 28. Thanks for your kind message, I’ve actually slept most of the day huddled up on the settee so I feel a bit calmer now.
Sending hugs
Sue xx
3 Likes
Hi Jim, thank you so much for your heartwarming message, you have explained it so well, I feel all those things but you have put it into words much better than I ever could.
Your description of ‘a horrendous path’ is so so true, it’s a path that nobody should have to take but sadly here we all are. Your talk of better days gives me hope as Im still very much at the start of that path. Thank you again.
Sending love and thanks
Sue
3 Likes
Thank you Sue I appreciate that and we are all in this together 
3 Likes
Susan I had the most unbearable day yesterday even though all your posts cheered me up a little my heart is in bits the anxiety the headache s the panic attacks and not knowing what to do next I really feel for you I wish I could say something to make you feel better but my love goes to you and your family. Love shellyanne XX 
2 Likes
Susan94 - my heart is going out to you. The pain can be incredible and feel unendurable but it won’t always be as raw and totally overwhelming as you feel now. That’s something I learned from others on here and it’s true. Keep on coming here and you will get support as we are all grieving and we get it. Sending you love x
2 Likes
Thank you Nell yes the pain is unbearable and it’s so hard to accept she’s gone such a young beautiful girl and I look forward to coming on here and chatting to you all xx. 
2 Likes
I know we are searching to make sense of the senseless. My daughter died in January tragically and at first my anger was overwhelming and I felt feral about caring for my grandkids. The whole family fell apart. I didn’t think such pain was possible. I have had chinks of light - brief times when I think of something else besides the whole loss and injustice of someone dying young etc, etc……we feel like this because we loved them so much and we are there mum. It’s our job to protect them, but we are helpless. It’s the worst thing that ever happened to me and to my daughter. We can rebuild our lives, they won’t be the same as we expected but we can survive and, when they come, grab the chinks of light. Just 10 minutes being absorbed in just doing the washing up or watching the tv. or a walk in the park. It’s a start. Cry and rage you’ve got a right to. Lie in bed all day, if you can, and feel like it. Keep on keeping on whichever way you can right now and one day or hour at a time. Don’t expect too much of yourself, grieve in your own way. Xxxx
2 Likes
Hello Susan, my heart breaks for you. Don’t ever apologise for anything you write on here or to anyone my lovely. You are doing so well, just take one day at a time. I lost my Mam 6 weeks ago, which has devastated me and my life. I have been listening to podcasts that feature julia samuel she’s a grief counsellor and she’s amazing for helping u understand grief. Keep strong
2 Likes
Hi Jane, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mum so recently, its a terrible loss. Thank you for your kind message and suggestion of the podcast, I will give that a try. I have been listening to guided meditations on youtube which help slightly.
Sending you love and hugs.
Sue xx
2 Likes
Hi Susan I no the feeling very well I lost Leah in Jan this year the pain is unbearable the pain in your chest is awful and the sobbing doesn’t stop I had a day like that yesterday the feeling of being alone is terrible but I came back on tday and feel a tad better keep talking Susan we will all support each other sending you my love XX
2 Likes
Hi, I can fully empathise with how you are feeling. My Son died on the 12th July. My first born Son aged 29. Totally unexpected and died in his sleep. I now have the task of waiting for examinations and test results to find out the cause. Fit and well and loving life. I just can’t understand how, or why until I have the answers. I lost my husband of 29yrs just over 2 years ago and now this. It’s just unbareable. I need to stay strong for my other boys, but it’s bloody hard.
3 Likes
Hi Mich, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, it is so tragic and horrendous waiting to find out what happened. I send you my deepest sympathies, our children have been taken away from us and its heartbreaking. It has been a great support and comfort finding this site, I hope you find some comfort and support from the messages on here. Please keep writing and take care. Sending you love and hugs xxxx
3 Likes
Hi Mich, very sorry to hear what has happened. I lost my daughter 39 in January. It was a huge shock and overwhelming. This website is really helpful and full of kind and supportive people who ‘get it’. You aren’t alone and there’s always someone further down the path of grief to share their insights. I find it a comfort. Sending all kind thoughts xx
3 Likes
Hi mich so sorry for your loss it’s devastating and heartbreaking there’s nothing anyone can say at this moment to ease your pain I still feel the same at the moment it’s very early days and very raw I lost my youngest daughter to cancer and it’s ripped me apart but I come on here every day to chat to these lovely supportive understanding people who are going through the same thing you can write anything you like on here. And you are not alone. Take care. Shellyanne XX
2 Likes
Hi Susan….it’s coming up in September 20 yrs since I lost my son to cancer…he was 34…then 16 months ago I lost my hubby which was out of the blue collapse …At first with my son it was horrendous but it did ease after some time…but still feels like yesterday…but now losing my hubby after 54 yrs married it brings all the pain back and more…but my heart goes out to you and I send a big (((((hug ))))) xx
2 Likes
Hi Joan, thank you for your kind message. I am so sorry to hear of both your terrible losses. It must have been so hard losing your son David to cancer, you are so strong for carrying on. Loosing your husband Roy must be so, so difficult, you have been together for so long. I am sure that you will find inner strength to cope. Sending you big hugs and lots of love. Xxx
2 Likes