Hi, my son died last week age 15. I can’t see any way forward. I need to be here for his sisters and dad but I want to go to him to make sure he is ok , he had no one looking after him on the other side…please help …
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Hi @JSL
I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t had a similar experience, so don’t feel as though I can offer any wisdom, but I know that other’s on here have. Well done for reaching out, grief is hard. I hope that being on this site helps. Sending Hugs Xxx
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I’m so sorry, I lost my Son in May. I say I am just about surviving for my other children but it’s so hard. I take each minute, can’t think ahead and can’t go back as it’s too painful. I’m still in shock and you are very early on. Sending love x
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Hi, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your son…such a young age. My son passed away a year ago on Christmas Eve and he was 25. These first few days and weeks will be hard and sometimes seem surreal ( I found) but as each week passes the days get easier to get through and I can think about my son without breaking down. I still have days when I can’t function properly and when it hits, it hits hard.
Being on this forum helped me so much during those first weeks as there are so many going through the same and I could talk about my feelings to those who could relate.
Just take each day as it comes and try not to think too far ahead. My eldest son keeps me going because I wouldn’t want to cause him any more pain than he has already with the loss of his brother.
Sending hugs xx
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Thank you , I just have this overwhelming need to know he is being looked after. It was my job for 15 years and apart from the the feelings of loss and what if … I just have the image of him surrounded by paramedics keeping his heart beating then holding his hand as they had to stop … The torture of having to let him go with out me is too much to bear…
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I don’t like to think of my son’s last minutes… I can’t read the inquest report which I’ve had for 10 months because it makes me feel sick thinking about it.
My dad and brother passed away 2 years before my son and I like to think they are all together.
When my younger brother passed away it took me a long time to accept he was gone and like you, I tortured myself wondering what his last moments were like and feeling guilty for not being there for him.
I like to think of my son’s happier days and that helps me. Xx
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I don’t know whether this will help…and this response is not for everyone, but…since you seem to…in a way…be looking for a spiritual answer, I can give you one:
He very likely is being looked after. In a way it is hard for us to imagine. I once heard that the feeling of dying can be described as “taking off a really tight shoe”.
During my partner’s battle with cancer, I started to search for meaning beyond what we know. This lead me to studying at university: amongst other subjects, I studied theories of consciousness. I am still studying this after his death and…what I can say is that whilst we do not know still what “consciousness” is, we are discovering more and more evidence that consciousness is not limited to the body and the brain. I have heard it described as: If you were an alien coming to earth, and you saw a tv, you would assume that the tv show you saw projecting from the tv was coming from the tv itself. Of course, we know this isn’t the case, the tv receives its channels from a broadcasting station. In the same way, there are theories that the brain and body are simply the “receiver” for consciousness, but not its limitation. Why does this matter? It matters because turning the tv off doesn’t stop the broadcast, it merely means we cannot see it anymore and experience it in the same way - at least we don’t know how to efficiently yet.
One more thing I would like to add, is that…when we lose someone young, there is a strong sense of “this should never have happened”. Although I have not lost a child, I lost my partner 2 weeks ago at 33 years old, so I somewhat understand the feeling of disorder, although I do understand for you this will be very different, also. We like to think there was an alternative to dying…but…there isn’t. Ultimately, no matter what: we all will die. Whether it is today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. We will die. I can SO relate to needing more time with the person you love. That is fully understandable. Once I heard the phrase “We are all just walking each other home”. And we are. Our ultimate destination is the same for all of us. We will all join each other at some point. In that way we are all kin. <3 He is being looked after, because there are plenty of compassionate souls who have gone before him.
What I can see from the depth of your pain is the depth of your love for your son, which would have likely been extremely evident to him in life, as you walked each other towards “home”. This is the most we can do, and I hear from your words that you offered him a strong and deep love whilst he was here with us. We walk with each other in life for various time spans, but we are all walking in the same direction. I’m so, so sorry for your loss, but I hope at least some of this can give you comfort, as it has me in the past weeks. I now realise that, whilst all may seem lost, we really…maybe…just don’t know exactly how to find it yet. Lots of love. <3
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write that, I am so sorry for the loss of your partner…your words do resonate and ‘walking each other home’ even amid this overwhelming sorrow is a great comfort. Sending thanks and love xx
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