Unbearable Sadness

Hi I am new to this site and dont ever use online sites but the only ounce of comfort since my partner Julie died 3 weeks ago has been reading the posts from everyone on here over and over again. I feel so empty sad cry endlessly cant sleep without medication and cant eat. Every step I take is another reminder slippers by the door dressing gown hung up favourite tea mug in cupboard but i know anyone reading this understands the list is endless and these are things in view cant even bear to look in drawers upstairs
I know this is grief but I swear to god it is the most intense pain i have ever felt in my life - a life i know i have but dont want anymore without her by my side. I have amazing family friends and they are looking after me but i just feel alone no matter who is with me.
Thank you to whoever reads this and would love to hear if any of you can offer just a glimmer of hope for the future just so bleak, dark and just so sad beyond words which i know you all feel.
Thanks again just for reading and allowing me to share some of what i am feeling at the moment

Hi Hygge, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please use this site as much as you need to. There are some lovely people on here who will read your posts and reply if they think they can help. I am 9 months along my grief journey and this site has helped me keep going. There is a lot of good advice here about getting through the hours, days, weeks, and months at the start of your journey, and it’s worth reading the advice section as well as the posts.

You ask for just a glimmer of hope for the future and that was one of the things I remember desperately looking for. And I can give you that hope, even though I can’t say how long your unbearable sadness will last as we are all different. But after 9 months grief has loosened its grip on my life and there is a noticeable improvement. I’m not saying life is great, far from it, and I still have bad moments, but it’s not as bad as it was.

I have been going to a Cruse Bereavement Group for about 4 months and it has helped me a bit, but the main reason for mentioning it is that I have witnessed a similar improvement in some of the other members of that group, so you can draw a glimmer of hope from that as well.

I can’t say much more than that, and I don’t think I am any where near the end of my grief, and I think you learn to cope and accept rather than move on and forget, but from my experience the unbearable sadness will eventually transform into something mellower and more bearable. I wish you courage, strength, and the determination to get through your journey, so hang in there, take whatever help is offered, and it will surely ease.

Its 4 months since my husband died, I still cry in the morning and in the evening when I go to bed. I miss my husband so much but the pain within has subsidised a little. Ive found my only way to cope is to keep myself busy, every day has to be planned to minimise the time I have alone. I do voluntary work now and have joined a walking group.We all have this new life without our partners that is so painful but we have to be strong and determined to live it as best we can.The new life Im building up for myself is not what I really want but Ive no choice now. I was hoping for a long and happy retirement with my husband but he died 6 months after he retired. Life is so unfair but this site makes me realise Im not alone in this situation.
My thoughts are with you all, katy

Thank you for responding it does mean such a lot to me and i really dont feel so alone as before. I can’t image me in 9 months or even 9 weeks and what my life will be like. I may look at support groups because i only want to talk to people who can share some of my feelings and try and begin to understand just finding it hard to function eating and sleeping just so difficult at the moment
Thanks again for your kind words
H x

Thank you Katy and sorry for the loss of your husband how sad but yes keeping busy and distracting myself is what i try to keep sane. The new life you are creating is very encouraging as you say what other choice do you have and i guess i should apply this too. None of us have a choice this has been forced on us just dont get why at the moment
Thanks again
H x

Forgive me and accept my apologies for not recognising your loss too just not with it at all
H x

Of course, please don’t worry about it. Grief can affect us in many ways including forgetfulness. Take care of yourself.

Hi Hygge im very sorry for your loss.Im 15 months into my nightmare my advkice is this take it 1 day at a time .Try to get some me time your heart and brain need a break ,because your nightmare will patiently wait for you to return to reality .The phase how long is a piece of string definitely applies here .Theres no right or wrong way to grieve .Do come back as often as you want and theres no such thing as moaning in this spec ial club Colin (im 57 Denise wife darling wife was 41 she passed on her birthday 04032016).

Hi Hygge
I know what you mean by the intense pain, it rips your inside out. It does subside with time but unfortunately for me it suddenly reappears when one starts doing something which brings back memories or you see couples enjoying life etc. Ive had a bad day today even though its now 4 months since my lovely husband died. I find it hard having to do the jobs he use to do or we did together. Like you said sleeping is a problem, I seem to manage on 6 hours sleep now , waking up early every morning.We have to be strong in this situation and keep ourselves busy so our minds are distracted from the grief we bare. Did your wife die suddenley or were you prepsred for it?
My husband though I knew was terminally ill died much sooner and quicker than I ever expected.
Hope you have got through today ok, take one day at a time .
My thoughts are with all of us in this dreadful situation.

Hi Hygge
So sorry for your loss of your partner.
It’s a truly heartbreaking that we now have this life we never wanted.

I lost my partner suddenly, on the 7th May.
I quite honestly don’t know how I have got through the last 3 months.

I posted on this site a few weeks after Steve passed away. I was in a terrible state, but it gave me so much comfort knowing I wasn’t alone and people were there to offer advice through this awful journey.

Reading back I recognise how distraught and lost I was in those early weeks.
I couldnt eat, sleep.
Most days I wouldn’t even get out of bed…
I was so scared of a future without Steve.

Like you, I am blessed with a wonderful supportive family, but still feel so lonely without Steve.
I just take one day at a time now and don’t look too far into the future.

It’s still very early days for you Hygge, be kind to yourself.
Everyone’s copes with grief in their own way and in their own time.
My heart truly goes out too you.

Take care x

I lost my hubby on the 18th March this year, he died so suddenly of a massive heart attack, no warning whatsoever, to all intent & purposes he was a healthy 64 yr old, but post mortem shoed that three of his heart chambers were damaged, he never went to the GP saying you only went to the Dr if you were unwell, perhaps I should have made him go for a MOT & they may have detected high bp or high cholesterol for which he could have had treatment, anyway all this is just wishful thinking,he’s gone & Ive never felt such a mixture of emotions, we were married 44 yrs he was due to retire in Nov we had so many plans,he had worked & provided tirelessly for 50 years I feel cheated & robbed of my ‘other half’ x

Hi Geri
Thank you so much for your reply it will be 5 weeks tomorrow at 9.15pm since she died and to be honest i cant believe that time has passed much of it i cant remember at all.
I just hate this new normal life i am supposed to be living it just does not feel right and i dont want it.
I too live day to day sometimes hour to hour just existing as we all are. I know this is not what she would have wanted she would want me to be happy return to work go out for meals have shopping days and buy new clothes but i just dont want to do anything. It is still early days and so very hard. Havent even moved any clothes coats boots yet not sure when i will feel ready for this.
May i ask you and others have you still got clothes does it help you to ‘move on’ and start sorting things out what you want to keep at the moment want everything forever but know this is not possible and she certainly would not want me to do this.
Thanks again
Carol x