So it’s not 5 months since my partner died, and this weekend, like the last few, I’ve not received one phone call, one invite, or one text asking how I am, do I fancy dinner, not a thing. Infact it’s not even restricted to weekends, no one checks in on me anymore, it’s been like that for several weeks now, infact I’m looking forward to the counselling session I have tomorrow just so I can talk to someone!
I come home from work Friday, go out for about 3 hours on Saturday, and that’s it, the whole cycle starts again. I’m bored, lonely and depressed…… it’s not sympathy I’m after, many of us are in the same situation as me, I get that, but literally everyone around me has carried on, then there’s me, stuck in a perpetual hell.
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That pretty much sums it up , I have good support from my son and daughter in law . And a very good friend, everyone else has dropped away and got on with their own lives . They don’t realise how hard and lonely it is .
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Yep, my mum rings me twice a week, but then again she always has done, other than that, siblings, niece….. not a single thing for weeks, infact I received 2 invites in the last 3 weeks, one for my nieces engagement party and one for my sisters 25th wedding anniversary party! Do they think I want to celebrate that? Maybe I’m being selfish, but I pretty much hate people at the moment, let alone being around them while they are enjoying themselves.
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Dear Ade
People don’t think, they have no idea what losing a partner is like. My sister yesterday morning said how much she liked having the bed to herself ( he was away for the weekend) I wanted to scream, make the most of having him there.
I’m jealous, couples around you hugging and planning holidays. It wasn’t that long ago that was us, we had no idea it would end. It was our 40th anniversary September we should have been going to Venice. Instead I bought a tree.
I know it doesn’t help but know we are all here with you x
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I know what you mean , I find it hard when I see couples out and about all happy especially the older couples. I said this to my counsellor. He said it was normal to feel this way .
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Hi Helen, yes we were supposed to go on our ‘cruise of a lifetime’ in June, top suite, the works, now all I have is watching people walk hand in hand around me, and when it’s couples in their 60’s, 70’s I think “ that should have been us in years to come” so you get jealous.
People really have zero idea what it feels like until it happens to them, their family life they take for granted no doubt (as I did) & you only appreciate it when it’s gone.
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I feel the same way seeing people having fun just reminds me of my wife and that I will never feel them feelings again. We all go through life wanting someone to love and when they are gone we feel so empty this pain is awful.
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It might be normal but it’s not nice. Bad day today. Stephen loved today, looked forward to the lighter nights. My son in law has just said to my daughter, but what time is it really. That was our joke, it always amused Stephen that I would keep referring back to the proper time for days. I miss him so much.
A new day tomorrow and I have two of my grandchildren for the day. Will take them to the park and buy them a treat. Something to forward too. Sorry for being a misery x
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I’ve not had great day either, hope the weather is better tomorrow when you go to the park with your grandchildren.
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Oh that was us too! Ray used to dread the clocks changing twice a year, he’d ask me numerous times ‘but what time is it really’… lovely the little jokes and sayings you have between yourselves. All to memory now, so sad
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I am exactly the same, at first I had loads of visitors, texts asking how I am but now I dont get any from friends that we used to meet up with, they are all getting on with their own life, unless I message them, and then it takes ages for them to answer I hear nothing, I think they have finally given up on me , as they probably can’t cope with how I am, I do try to put a brave face on but it doesn’t always work, I dont have any friends now to go out with, its so lonely, I feel scared and lost x
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So sorry for your loss @Ade188
Society that tells us we must move on quickly, that grief must be buried, pain pushed aside, life resumed as if nothing happened. Most of us have been taught to avoid suffering; we are told to get over it, to move on and to stay strong at all costs.
So, I think this may be why friends and family can back off after the first few months. They think the initial phase of grief is the worst and, if they have helped you through that, they think their job is done. When they hear you say I’m OK or I’m fine, that just confirms it for them.
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I think your right there as when I do get asked how I am I say im ok, knowing im not but dont want to have to say all that im heartbroken 
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I think you’re right, other people seem to be able to get on with their own lives . Then they become so busy I think they forget to get how we are doing.
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I think most of us say that when asked how we are… ‘Yeah im ok’ because pride stops us saying ‘im terrible, im dying inside & every day is a living hell’.
We dont want to make a meeting into an akward situation, to make the people asking feel awkward, so we just lie to make it easier.
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@Ade188 absolutely sums it up !! I am two years on in April , and I just feel like I am living a prison sentence ! I go to work , I go swimming , I like gardening , I go out with friends , but at 58 I could have what ? 30+ years left , of a prison sentence ! X
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That is so true, they wouldn’t understand if they haven’t been on this terrible journey so its just best to say im ok, I hate having to put on a brave face but what else can you do, im so broken inside x
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That’s it we worry about making other people feel awkward when the truth is we can’t see any good days ahead without them. Is there any light at the end of the tunnel because the ones we have lost will hate to see us all like this.
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Hi Wilson9, & thankyou.
Yes i think youre right, they see you seem ok, functioning, so assume you are ok, what they dint see is behind closed doors when the mask is off and the raw grief is still there and laid bare. As time moves on i think we are afraid to show it too, so we just say ‘Im ok thanks’ and the conversation moves onto something else.
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I’m the same I lost my partner 31st Jan from cardiac arrest and people say they will stay in touch but they don’t, everyone is in their own bubble and getting on with lifes . I feel so lonely without him .Losing a partner that you spent 24, 7 with is a totally different grief . I hate it all . I wish people would keep their promise .
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