I’m finding it just hard to get my head round the whole situation
My husband died the 28th of may this year . I met Hak on a Friday
Our first date was a Friday
We married in a Friday
I buried him on a Friday the same date and Friday my mother was 7 years previous

Hakan and I were having a Friday night at home
Drinking wine , chatting
Nothing unusual, Hakan was smoking by our kitchen window as I was in the living room part
when he said I’ve got waves of sickness
He put the cigarette out and walked over to the sofa sat down and let out this weird nose and died in front of me
I was standing up over the other side as I was when we were talking as he smoked and without any signs this was coming has seriously done my head in
Hakan never mentioned throughout the day he was unwell, I thought he was just going to sit on the sofa
I knew he had died there n then and instead of calling anyone I went to bed
In my head I could not believe what I had just seen and for him to be alive and bubbly
To then make a short walk to just die
I’ve always imagined death to be may be a bit more dramatic or there would be signs of this happening
I’ve only just started telling my friends the truth as I had said I found him like this in the morning
For 2 days solid I sat at my fathers house in the garden just starring, repeating in my head
One minute your here
One minute your not
As basic as im writing this is , is exactly what happened
Of course the autopsy showed he had a heart condition that was shutting his organs down but I still can’t get that memory out my head
It’s helped telling my friends as previously I was kind of embarrassed in what happened, what I did etc
It’s so bizarre that I can’t do this alone, I can’t work so that’s effecting my business
My son who is 11 is being the rock that I should be
Louis was not here that night and he was the first I told after Hakan was laid to rest
Louis who is 11 said
Mummy you could not have done anything and dad was home with you so he had less time in the hospital morgue
My brain totally blanked out what I saw

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Annamarie, thank you for sharing your story and just writing about all that as happened and thinking how to put it down will have helped you, please keep posting and reading others post, it all helps. When ever and for what ever reason someone special has to leave us, the shock is always there and it’s hard to believe what has happened. I remember spending days just sitting, not getting washed or dressed, just sitting there, half died. Our love for that special person never leaves us, they are always part of our life, part of our fabric, cannot be taken away. I am sending you my love, hugs and blessings and most of all strength.
S xx


So very sad

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Marjory, it’s nice that you have joined the site but please don’t think all the post are as this one you have just read; but it is we’re people can pour out their hearts and someone will be there to hear their cry. It’s a lovely site with many special people sharing their stories and from many different perspectives. Grief is hard and we don’t talk about how we feel, so when it happens to us personally, we have little or no idea of it’s affect. Pleased you have joined us and hope to hear from you again. Take care. S xxx