Unexpected loss of son

It’s been 12 days now and I’m struggling. He was only 23 and we have no answers of why he died in his sleep. I have a wife and other children and that’s the only reason I’m trying to get over this. We are all in bits.

Every day is unbeatable, all I can think about is the sadness and sorrow for him for what he’s going to miss out on. He had a lovely girlfriend and a great job - he had such a great future ahead of him.

I feel like I’m still in shock and there’s going to be a happy ending to this but know this will not happen.

Will I still feel this awful in a months time?

Also, has anybody been prescribed anything from the Doctor that has helped because I am thinking I need something just to take the edge off this pain so I can at least get through each day.

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Hello Lifeissht

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling, it sounds really raw for you right now. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to try The Compassionate Friends who provide support for families who have lost a child of any age: you can contact them on 0345 123 2304 or https://www.tcf.org.uk/

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi

Hi x I’m so sorry for your loss :heart: I still feel in shock. Almost 6 months ago we also lost our beautiful 15 year old boy, suddenly and unexpectedly. We have since found out that Euan had an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. Even if this had been detected, we have been told that surgery would have been extremely risky and I know that the life he lived and loved would have been very different, but that is very difficult to accept. Somehow we get up every day in the main we have to keep going for our 13 year old daughter but we just don’t know how we do this long term, every day I feel like I climb a mountain. I miss Euan so much


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I am sorry for your loss too, we are also thinking he may have had a similar heart condition.

It’s the middle or the night or mornings that I find most difficult. But I guess we just have to find the strength to get through the day and I know time will heal things but I just wish I could fast forward until then.

Thank for your reply x

I feel exactly the same , just want to fast forward though I’m sure we will all feel the same without our lovely boys x it’s difficult to look to the future I know.
I hope that you get some answers though I know it still won’t change anything x thinking of you and your family x

The gp did prescribe something to help with sleeping as you say night is worse and if you haven’t slept the next day can be even harder x do reach out for any help they can offer x

I know how you feel
I lost mine at the end of January
He was 35
I found him dead on his bed
It was natural causes
Sometimes I don’t even want to be here.
I cry every day
I miss him so much
I am a mess still thee months down the line
I often go in his room , it still smells of him and hug his pillow to talk to him
It’s as raw as the day I lost him


I’m sorry for your loss xx I cry everyday and think I will forever x it’s still so hard to believe it has happened. I’m glad you can go to his room and that gives you some comfort, I still can’t, I stand at the door and turn the lights on though every night . I’m hoping I can one day x sending love xx

Hello Lifeissht,
Sorry to hear this. What did doctors say. I lost 24 years old to cancer last year but the sudden death among young adults has been increasing. Yes, I was prescribe sleeping medicine but it is better to take herbal

Hi Jane - I lost my daughter in January last year. I was in the house with her and thought she was sleeping. I found her dead. She was 39. You will know what I mean when I say the anguish and pain and guilt and anger is almost unbearable. I don’t think anyone gets over it, but you can slowly, slowly learn to live with it. You might be traumatised too, on top of the grief. I was and it’s sadly quite common with such a life changing loss. You’ve probably literally had the worst and most painful experience a parent can have so don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. One thing that helped me a lot was Compassionate Friends, they scooped me up and supported me. They understand cos everyone, like us, has lost a child. Coming on here helps too and there’s always someone who ‘gets it’ to talk too. It’s a life long journey but things can get better than the first overwhelming feelings. I can now function ok and even laugh and get some enjoyment and in the early days I didn’t think that was possible. I still think of her throughout the day but I can still do things that I enjoy. So there is hope, as the grief changes over time we find a way to live our lives and keep them in our hearts pocket. Slowly, slowly, and on bad days just keep on keeping on. I send you all the best and I am sure this website will help and support you. There’s a lot of wise people on here, I know they’ve helped me. Xxxxx

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I did him too
I said night love you and went bed
Though in the morning ah I let him sleep in
Went up with my washing
.the door was open he was half on and
off his bed I knew I had lost him
The pain is just so unbearable
I only have to look at his picture and I cry
All he had was a cold
Thank you for replying as you have described exactly how I felt and feel
I have a friend who thinks I should go away for a few days but I Carnt
He don’t seem to understand why

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I know what you mean about looking at photos. I don’t do it cos it hurts too much. After talking about it to other people in the same situation but further in the past, they say just look at photos when you are ready. If it’s too much you can leave it for now and that’s ok. If you feel shit and want to stay in bed and you can, just do that. Anyone who tells you that you should be ‘over it’ doesn’t know what they are talking about. I know I won’t ever get over it but I can somehow learn to live with it. One of the good things about coming on here is it made me realise those overwhelming feelings are ‘normal’ . It’s not just me, it’s how it feels to lose someone you brought into the world and loved. I felt like a jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces thrown in the air and it felt like if I felt this bad it must somehow all be my fault. That’s not how it is tho, it’s an awful tragedy but no one is to blame. I also felt the angriest I ever have at how unfair it is. If I wasn’t non religious I would have been ranting at god. First signs of starting to learn to cope was one day I was doing the washing up and realised I was paying attention to that instead of the non stop thoughts of loss. That moment lasted about 2 minutes, but it’s a start. If you can read a book for just a short while and notice what you are reading, it’s a start. Just little chinks of light, however brief, can help you. I felt like I was on auto pilot grief and misery and it was a huge relief just those few moments of normality. Slowly, slowly and just do what you can, that’s definitely good enough. Sending you hugs xxxxx

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