I recently found out my best friend died alone and I feel like I failed her because we hadn’t spoken in a month. We live in different countries with a 5 hour time difference but until her Lupus got bad we’d always spoken twice a day. It gradually got less and less and I had to wait for her to call me when she felt able. Now I can’t shake the guilt that she died alone and until the coroners report is completed we don’t know how long she’d been alone. I just keep thinking if we’d still been talking twice a day I could have maybe got help to her and she’d still be here.
Don’t let guilt rule your life now. She passed away exactly as it was meant to be. You were a good friend for a long time. Treasure your memories of her and move on as best you can.
Hello, so sorry for your loss. You sound like you were a good friend, hold onto that. My partner/best friend died 5 weeks ago suddenly and unexpectedly. He was alone to. We didn’t live together, I live miles away. How you’re feeling is natural, I’m going through the same, all the what it’s, the guilt. In my head I know it wouldn’t change what happened and there’s nothing I could of done. It doesn’t stop how I feel though. I try and rationalise everything, it will get easier, you will remember the good memories, it will come with time. But at the moment I am too overcome with sadness , anger, all the emotions.
Today is his funeral, one of the worst days of my life, its all I can do to get through today xx
Barb 11, thank you for your kind words. I have such wonderful memories of my friendship and I am trying so hard to hold onto them
Lost48, I wish you so much love, support and strength to cope with your partners funeral. They are never the easiest of days to get through.
It was both strange and comforting to read your reply today because you understand how I feel, I thought no one else would be able to feel what I am feeling. My friend was also my partner for a few years but sadly distance came between us but we decided to remain friends. My relationship with her was the thing that held me together through the tough times, I’d had an unpleasant childhood followed by a disastrous marriage but she helped me to see the good in the world. She made me believe that after a lifetime of hurt I could have a happy ever after and for that I will always be grateful to her.
Right at this moment though my emotions are all over the place. One minute I’m doing ok I can put one foot in front of the other the next I’m an emotional wreck and I’m crying all the time. I like you have a whole range of emotions that I can’t navigate properly … I don’t know how, I’m still coping with the loss of my mum, it’ll be 3 years on 28th Aug, but that grief I can openly share with the family because we all went through it together, we nursed her until the end.
I’m struggling with Pat’s death more because I never shared with my children the fact that she and I were more than friends, so I feel trapped because I can’t discuss openly what she means to me, how much she’s a part of my heart and why I miss her as much as I do.