On the 5th March I woke up to find my soul mate and best friend for over 40 years in the bathroom and had died. I cried in vein to ask him to wake up but he was cold and he would not wake up. I find myself finding every day harder than the previous because it was not expected. He had gone through weeks of radiotherapy but when I got the death certificate there was no mention and they said the cause was Ischemic Heart disease. He had never been treated for it let alone diagnosed. I am now going through long periods of crying and I feel others around me expect me to move on. I can’t I have known him all my life and I fear being on my own. I just want him to come back.
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Aw … i know … its very recent ! You will be crying ! I cried loads too when my husband passed … this lady said to me grief - is love looking for a home … you will be missing him course you will ! It does get easier to bear but it just takes time 
be patient with yourself and give yourself lots of self love and care … dont listen to anything anybody else says … people talk twaddle !
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Thank you for your reply. People mean well, I think however I just can’t come to terms with it.
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Course you cant … its massive ! You will be in a bit of shock too … very early days x
@Gary56
Thinking of you after this terrible shock.
I lost my husband suddenly with no warning at all last April. He was 60, slim, strong and very fit when he went out to play his weekly football and never came home having suffered a coronary embolus.
11 months on I still grieve for him every day but the pain is less all consuming and the tears less frequent. It will be a long time before you can ‘move on’ as you may think others believe you should do. If people do think that they do not understand how terrible the loss of our life partner and true love is.
There is a life ahead but it’s perfectly normal to not be ready to look that far at the moment. Living for the next hour can seem enough of a challenge so concentrate on that for now. There will be admin which has to be done and is possibly enough to think about at the moment.
Keep with us here as there are many people who understand as @Deb5 has already shown you.
Love to you
Karen xxx
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@Gary56
I lost my partner to the same thing he was out in his bike and just switched off. His death certificate said the same thing, he was 49 was at his fittest and healthiest and was such a shock to find he had heart disease. He had no symptoms and didn’t complain of being poorly at all and was having a really good day. He was with friends laughing, had a really good ride and at the end of the ride he just said he felt faint and fell, he died instantly, right where he was standing. That was 29th Jan 23.
I don’t feel I’ll ever get over it, I’ve cried, screamed, lose endless hours of sleep, cry some more but makes no difference. So I put one foot in front of the other and find things to do to get me through another day, a day closer to end of my life. I hope I won’t live to be old but sods law i probably will.
Ali
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Aw sad story ! Yeh i did same when my husband went on 16th December 22 … it awful isn’t it ! I did same cos didnt want him to go either !! Its so tough !!! You do just have to go slow and wait for time to heal ive found unfortunately cos theres nothing ellse you can do ;( i wish i could bring my man back but i know i did everything i could for him to try to keep him here
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