I feel I should say before I share. I have read some of your words, and I feel you are all incredibly brave to put pen to paper to convey your loss. Three weeks ago, I visited my mum and found her wedged between her sofa and a chair, laying on her side, her eyes open but not moving. I tried to rouse her, called an ambulance and began CPR, all the while begging her to wake up. I followed the advice the call handler gave but It was too late. I’m torn between the bitter sweet moment of holding her in my arms before the paramedics arrived and the guilt of feeling if I had just tried harder or turned up earlier, I could have helped her. The last memory I have of her is this moment forever etched in my minds eye and the fact she was alone. I made the difficult promise that I would be with her when it was her time and I broke that promise and some days it eats me up. Logic goes out the window during times like this. I am trying to come to terms with my mother’s sudden passing, being joyful for my son as he is to be married soon, clearing her house as its an Assisted Living property, starting a new job, which they were kind enough to delay my start date and arranging her funeral. I’m rambling on because I feel so overwhelmed. Thank you for providing me with an outlet to put my thoughts into words.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Finding your mum like that would have been very traumatic. I’m sure you did everything you could. I think a lot of us punish ourselves by thinking about things we might have done differently in those circumstances. I hope you have family or friends to help you through this difficult time. Take care.
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