I lost my wife and purpose two months ago, suddenly and unexpectedly to sepsis. The loss is crippling, compounded by the world carrying on. Today I received a fine of £100 from HMRC for Mags because she didn’t complete her tax return in time. I know it’s nothing personal and just a computer doing its thing, but how do you deal with this stuff? I can’t get past the pointlessness of it all.
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So sorry to hear about the lost of your wife and what you are going through i received a letter from the Department of DWP saying i need to pay a over payment back makes me so angry as he passed away Oct last year and only got the letter last month do not know what to do as i am not working at the moment and do not have the money to pay it back we do not need this with what we are trying to cope with
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I’m sorry to hear that Sue. It’s just a system, purposely built to be ‘thoughtless’, but it can be pretty effective in upsetting us. I hope you get sorted. I’m going to write to the taxman and enclose a death certificate. If that doesn’t work I’ll be back looking for advice. Really hope you’re ok
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@OzMags
So sorry you have lost your wife and had this extra burden to deal with. Officialdom at a time when we can least cope is adding insult to injury isn’t it? I found DVLA worst for me. I could neither SORN or insure his driving school car. You cannot SORN a vehicle you don’t own and I could not insure it due to the dual controls being an adaptation which only driving instructors can have on a car.
For the farm truck they messed up even more.
I hope you can get this sorted soon. CAB could be a good place for help or your MP.
Love
Karen xxx
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Similar advice, @sue11 maybe ask CAB or your MP to help.
So horrible to be dealing with this extra strain at the worst time in our lives.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Thank you @KarenF much appreciated. My Mags was so security conscious I never knew any of her passwords (we were only together 20 years!), so feel your frustration with officialdom. CAB is a great idea thankyou.
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Thank you so much for the advice i will get on to CAB XX
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I am so sorry, a similar thing happened to me when my husband died, I had forgotten to pay off the credit card statement for the month and got a letter stating I was being charged a certain amount of interest. I rang them up and apologised for missing the payment and explained what had happened and immediately they cleared my account of any interest payments. I have stayed with the same company ever since. I am sure if you ring the HMRC and explain what has happened, they will be very forgiving.
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it can be so upsetting to receive and encounter all these officialdom. It feels cold and unfeeling. My husband and I shared a bank account. He had set up online banking for himself as he would keep on top of the bills etc. When he died T rang the bank to say I needed to be set up online and when they asked why I told them he had passed so I need to open the facility for myself. I did have access to his password so could see what had been paid in our account. The bank closed his online banking facility and said I had to drive to the nearest branch with the death certificate and my proof of identity to set up my own online facility. The nearest branch is about 10 miles away. I said I was not up to doing that just yet as my husband had only just passed but I had bills to pay and needed my bank access. They said there was nothing the could do as I was not meant to use my husband’s password so for security reasons I was locked out. I think it is sometimes the insensitivity of others in understanding your situation that compounds your grief further. My son drove me to the bank and it was eventually sorted with very little empathy.
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That was exactly what our son did when Peter died, he had to drive me to the bank to change the details of our debit account. If I had kept my mouth shut, I could have gone online and done it all myself without anyone ever being any wiser as I was the first named person on all accounts due to Peter becoming ill so I was in sole charge of everything. The bank for our credit card account were so much more helpful and did it all over the phone even cancelling charges because I had forgot to pay the last months bill. The eight years Peter was ill I took over all the household bills, and everything was done by direct debit. I had all the passwords and the only thing I had to go to probate court for was to cash in Peter’s ISA as it was in his name as you could only have one ISA each and to have his name removed from the deeds of our home. Having his name removed from bank accounts, energy bills etc. and the deeds of our house was horrifying, it was as if he had never existed on paperwork. Seeing the new accounts with just my name on them broke me, he was vanishing in front of my eyes.
When In received the new cheque book with just my name I just sat down and cried, this was it for the rest of my life.
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@Lonely
I know what you mean about things going in just one name. I can’t bring myself to get rid of my old cheque book with us both on it yet. 
Send an appeal !!! Its hard doing admin stuff for them though isnt it - it just brings the pain back and the reality they’re not here 
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I’ve just received the same fine but completed the Tell us once form online. Do these people not speak to each other !!
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Just in case you or anyone else reading this didn’t know this. It may be an idea to fill in the “Tell us once” online government form. All government departments will then be notified of a person passing, and saves you from having to contact all individual departments yourself . Also if anyone has lost a spouse or partner who died bellow retirement age you may be entitled to Bereavement Support Payments. Bereavement Support Payment: Eligibility - GOV.UK
Hope this helps
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Thanks Mike. As @Ria1 did, I completed this ‘tell us once’ thing early January. It can’t have been early enough it seems. I’ve written to HMRC and enclosed death certificate. I know it’s not personal but it still feels brutal. I miss Mags so much.
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It’s really silly things for me. I was moving some of Martins tools ( he had many) and just went through a few boxes; all the unused nails, screws etc just broke my heart; all I could think about was our frequent trips to B&Q and how stroppy I used to get with him, I hated that store! But my lovely Martin could spend hours reading the labels on an array of things!
How I miss that.
Big hugs x💕
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I find it really hard being around my Husbands brother he really looks like my husband and is always telling jokes like my husband did at his funeral one of my friends had to take a second look at my husband brother and said to me oh my good i thought that was Alan
Aw yeh same here seeing all his tools in shed and cellar ! So sad to think theyre never gonna use them again ! Its heartbreaking isnt it ! Oh dear thats got me going … crying now x
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Sorry @Deb5 i didn’t mean to upset you 
. It’s those silly little things that just can stop you in your tracks. I have a whiteboard in my home office, it’s covered in Martin’s handwriting, his to do list! I look/read it everyday, it always reduces me to tears, but I can’t move it… I’m terrified someone might rub it all away.
Big hug x❤️
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I know its little things like that that really get you … i understand you completely ! I put new seeds and fat balls out for the birds the other day and that was my husbands job ! That did me in too !
I wish he was here ! I miss him so much its not fair : 
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