I’ve been feeling really down today. Working at home today so not seeing or talking to anyone. Today I found myself having really unhelpful thoughts. I even shocked myself by googling a question and the search came back telling me to call the Samaritans. I’ve had a cup of tea & piece of cake and feel a bit better now & will go for a walk later.
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I did the same thing. I googled it and got the same reply. I did shock me a little. I thought do I really want to put my family through what I’m feeling? Will it cause an avalanche of grief and copy-catting? I am 15 months down the line and I must say I am in a better place. Don’t get me wrong, the reason I am on here today is because today is a bad day. I miss him so much. I still can’t believe he has gone and all I want to do is be in his arms. But over the last year, I have realised that there will be bad days. And tomorrow I perhaps won’t feel so bad. Maybe it will be sunny and I will smile at the flowers and the trees. Maybe I will remember something funny and have a little giggle to myself.
But, I could crawl into a corner today - and that’s why I’ve seen your message. We are all trying to get through this as best as we can. We are not alone. Hurting ourselves won’t solve anything, but in fact will cause more pain to those who love us. Keep going Victoria, we will get through this xx
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It’s been almost 3 months for me. I have a group session booked with Cruse soon, anything else has long waiting times. I only have a brother who lives a long way away and 2 cats who wouldn’t find it easy getting a new home, one is scared of everything and the other had an eye removed a few weeks ago. Hopefully things will get better for all of us xx
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It will, I’m sure. This is the worst time at the moment. It doesn’t seem real, and you can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. The pain is unbearable, I know - and you can’t ever imagine ever feeling any better. But keep coming on this forum, it has been a lifeline for me to realise I am not alone.
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I have unhelpful thoughts every day. Still. But my cat wouldn’t be easy to rehome either. Trying to cope with grief while living alone is an herculean task. Sending hugs. 
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Thanks, also doesn’t help that I’ve been suffering with insomnia since January. I think being tired all the time doesn’t help me think straight at times. Sending a hug back x
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The Samaritans phoned me on my mobile today, my first thought was ‘how did they know I’d been having unhelpful thoughts?’ turns out I’d requested some self help cards from them and they just wanted to know where to send them.
So had a phone meeting with my work place Wellbeing Hub today and on the section where you give scores accidentally blurted out that I’d had a few dark thoughts recently but didn’t intend to act on anything. Now they’re going to write to my GP. Don’t suppose they will care anyway.
Its good that they are being proactive and contacting your GP - it takes the pressure off you needing to reach out at least. Your GP may be able to get you access to counselling or help with your insomnia if theyre not already doing that. Its worth a try - when you’re in a bad place, accept every bit of help you can, its too hard to face it all alone 
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My line manager is back from holiday tomorrow and I have a 1:1 with her on Tuesday. Do I tell her what I told work’s wellbeing advisor last week? I don’t want to worry her. I have mum’s inquest on 2 May, my anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment. xx
Its entirely your choice what and how much you tell your manager. if you are struggling because of your mums inquest coming, i personally would make them aware, but you dont have to disclose about having dark thoughts necessarily. If your line manager knows this is a difficult and stressful time, it gives them the opportunity to support you - that might be not giving you any stressful deadlines, or cutting you some slack if youre finding it difficult to focus, or allowing you to take extra breaks if you need it. You dont have to go into all the detail, but just share enough so they know this might be a difficult time for you. Then if suddenly you have a bad episode and needed to go home for example, you hopefully wouldnt need to go through a full explanation with your manager at that point
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Thanks for your advice, it has helped xx
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I needn’t have worried about my work’s Wellbeing Hub writing to my GP last week as they were concerned about my fleeting suicidal thoughts and insomnia as my GP hasn’t even tried contacting me.
If you are struggling and feel you need help, please dont wait for them to contact you, call your GP and ask for a same day appointment. I know sometimes its hard to reach out for help and you can feel like no one cares. My practice has an online form that you can submit each day to get an appointment, you dont even need to pick up the phone if you dont feel able to speak to someone.
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I’ll do an online form tomorrow. I’m really struggling and being tired all the time doesn’t help. Thanks x
If your practice is like mine, just be aware the form may only be open for a short window first thing, and i would make sure its clear how serious your symptoms are, so that you dont get given a non urgent appointment in a months time.
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I’ve done an online form. Don’t know what’s the matter with me, I keep getting emotional over little things x
If you’re not sleeping properly, i always find that makes me very emotional. Plus you’re grieving! Your emotions and hormones are all over the place. If the GP can at least help with your sleep, looking after your body is a good step towards looking after your mind. I hope they come back with an appointment for you
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Got a text back from my GP to say they will phone me on Tuesday. Thanks x
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Oh thats good- not too long to wait.
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