Unmarried & hassle with life assurance/pensions

Thank you, I will start ticking widow. X

So yesterday the life assurance claim was decided. I was awarded 60% and the vile adult estranged son was awarded 40%. I was told that it’s usual to pay all of it to the blood relative when there is no completed expression of wishes. They however could see we had an ongoing relationship (Jesus I should think so after 16 years). They think he would have taken me to court (vile pig) and I may have then come away with nothing. Whilst I sat all night sobbing wishing he was here I would imagine he was somewhere celebrating with no thought of his dad. The very sad thing is that his dad didn’t want him to have anything but sadly I have no evidence anywhere to show this. Lesson for all unmarried couples right there. Now for the pension and who will be awarded those! His financial life has not changed with the loss of his dad … He still has his business and partners wages whereas I will now struggle with my wage only.

hi Onlyme1
my partner Jayne was take hospital 23rd jan and was no longer here on 10th feb its been an absolute nightmare.was with Jayne for 28 years was living together over 20 years.i always believed Jaynes parents and family at least liked me.i was with Jayne every day at the hospital as she was my world and I love her more than life itself.and was with Jayne when she took her last breath whilst holding her hand.Jaynes mother was also there.i was in no fit state make any decisions and I had no reason think I wasn’t liked by the family so when Ann offered organise the funeral I just said all I really want is to be buried with Jayne when I left this world.i received a phone call from her after 4 days saying if Jayne had written will she would of left the house and pension to her and Jaynes Dad.they had already emptied Jaynes bank accounts,and taken the car.i had been house husband for the last 10 years doing all the cleaning shopping cooking etc etc.i didn’t have 2 pennies to rub together,over the 3 weeks Jayne was in hospital and the month that followed I lost over 4 stone my appetite and any thought of looking after my self was zero.as my world had ended when losing my soulmate.i was advised by a friend try get universal credit,took weeks to get was 292 a month barely covered the outgoings.least I had something. i was told fill in all the pension forms etc by a colleague of Jaynes.but so did Jaynes parents and brothers.i had no idea how this worked or and idea who was entitled to receive the pensions.i saw a solicitor for advice,was told at present everything was mine inside the house.i was advised I had until probate had been done,as after this legally everything left would be the next of kins.i had a phone call from one of the trstees of Jaynes pensions asking me questions I had already filled in forms and sent years of bank statements ,Jaynes axa healthcare which I had been on since Jayne started working for the company in 1991.and loads of other statements from else where to prove we were a couple and had been for 28 years.i was asked about the property and told them as far as I know its going to Jaynes parents.i told them about the addiction to gambling id had since I was 14 years old.but Jayne had controlled all the finances since were started dating.not that I wasn’t still a gambling addict,just I had the love of my life who supported and controlled all the monies etc.this lady was very supportive and told me there was a good chance id be ok.i wasn’t counting my chickens as until things are sorted nothing is certain.a month later I was told they needed to see me and I could bring a friend if I wanted.the lady from the pensions arrived with another lady and I had my friend Dave with me.in a previous conversation id been asked the value of the house and any outstanding mortgage.any way they both sat down they gave me all the papers etc id given to try prove I was Jaynes long term partner.they told me an expression of wish had been left to me which would enable me to purrcahse the house to which id shared for 20 odd years with Jayne.my reaction was to break down as over the weeks Jaynes mum had said Jayne never loved me and had told her she didn’t really want be with me.she was a nasty lady who was only interested in making me suffer.well id already known me and Jayne were in love but this just pushed my emotional release button and the tears gushed down my face.as regards the pension they believed it was almost certain go my way to.but needed call in a week to confirm the decision.i actually had a text message from Jaynes mum as this meeting went on asking see me as the house needed be sold.the 2 ladies from the pensions companies left.i sent a text arranging meeting with Ann.i took Dave with me.we sat down and all ann was talking about was me supposedly getting over 200 grand.i didn’t ask the pensions ladies about an amount I just knew it could cover buying the home I shared with Jayne.after a few days I had texts off ann asking for log book and spare keys for car ,I even had the older of Jayne 2 brothers knock on the door requesting the items.i told him I didn’t have them.a few days later the younger brother whose an arrogant so and so called round .I found out that this person had been calling me and treating me with distain for years I asked what the crack was.he said well I always treated you ok at his house etc ,nothing like being two faced.and its mum like son to manipulating people who had set out get money out of their sibling.i decided go through a solicitor offered them an amount for house adter id got it valued.only response was text asking which estate agents id used.at this point id been no longer responding to texts as I didn’t want contact with any of the family.got a letter off her solicitor asking me vacate the property.but they would still consider selling to me.i moved out 1 day before deadline day and moved in with my mum,which was not ideal.the neithbours were great a particular one had help me clean the property.i had a letter asking for Jaynes belongings ie the mobile the laptop and jewellery nothing sentimental.anyway mobile was work phone laptop was works.and jewellery if they have proof they brought it suppose ive not got leg stand on.the house Jayne and I shared had the things I needed to make a new life with Jaynes memory at the forfront hence most things had come with me.ive now got Jaynes bungalow ,yes thats Jaynes, as Jaynelike she as done for over 10 years she is taking care of me.the pension was awarded me a few weeks ago.nothing ive received monetary wise as in any way eased the pain of losing my best friend lover and soul mate ,I would gladly lay down my life to have Jayne here today.im still living in a nightmare.and im so sorry that you have been treated so poorly by the evil son whose sole aim in life is to get as much money from is father and make your life a living hell.wish there was a way I could help.id personally seek a solicitors advice as maybe theres a way of getting the who pension as you certainly deserve it all.
ps sorry for the long story and sorry it may not be coherent

whole …sorry no doubt ive made other errors

Hello, My heart goes out to you all and the terrible time you have been having. The laws in this country definitely need looking into. No long term partners should have to suffer like you are.
Recently on TV they was talking about the laws regarding un-married couples and apparently they are from the 1920’s certainly making them no use in this day and age.
Making will’s must be a necessity nowadays but it seems that even then there can be problems especially when greedy uncaring relatives come out of the woodwork to see what they can get their mucky little hands on. It’s unbelievable. If I had found myself in the position of many of you I would like to have had the money and be brave enough to set fire to everything that their horrid families wanted. House, car etc and watch the lot go up in smoke. Making sure there was no insurance on any of it.
My husband wouldn’t make a will for the first five years we was married thank goodness he did in the end because his daughters (from first marriage) have shown their true colours. They were not going to benefit from his will and after throwing tantrums have now cut me out of their life, however I did have a phone call from the husband of one of them, telling me that they wanted Brian’s scooter and to get it ready for them to collect. They tried to make out that Brian had left it to her, which was untrue. I would have probably let her have it if they had been pleasanter instead I sold it on immediately. I dread to think what my life would have been like if there had been no will, although we was married. They seemed to believe that they was his daughters and I was only his wife of thirty years!!!
Fight on, I say, and don’t give in to these terrible relatives and outdated laws.
Good luck to you all. xxx

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good on you Pattidot.
I can say hand on heart,if Jayne had written a will leaving everything to me id of happily given something to the family.sadly that wasn’t the case and finding out im disliked so much as made it easier for me to now cut them out of my lives for good.as regards the scooter id of done same,demanding things isnt nice,asking for something for sentimental reasons and showing thats the case would make it easier to be civil and give that iten as a good will gesture.id of sold the scooter to.sad that families can be so nasty at such a distressing time in our lives.
take care

Apologies as i have not read ll posts from start to finish just caught the headline topic as i too was not married but not long loosing my partner of 20 years, we had met in our later life…he was 74 i am 68…Yes i too am finding myself in this same boat as not being his wife yet if e had been a man-man couple i would not have any trouble in getting a certain pension, just this world gone crazy…no not even being a common law wife will allow me to receive this particular pension…


Agree Ian, there is ways of behaving in such a situation. I would never have considered walking into a bereaved person’s life and demanding or even taking without discussion.
I have seen terrible acts of greed by families and was determined to never get involved in such a thing, it’s degrading.
My mother and stepfather made out their will and left everything equally to his two children and myself and brother. Seemed simple enough, however my mother passed away first and my stepfathers children took their ninety year old father with dementia to the solicitors and had the will changed so that although my brother and I did inherit they got the biggest cut. My brother and I knew nothing of this until after Stepfather died. I would not lower myself to complain although I should have been consulted as my mothers oldest along with stepfather oldest son we should have been dealing together with their estate but the greedy pair cut me out. How can a will be changed like this beats me though.
In the case of my husbands daughters I originally offered them anything of their fathers that they wanted. He painted and there was many paintings and expensive equipment, he was a photographer and did ask me to let his daughters have his camera’s. They turned their nose up at both offers although they never realised that he had seven very expensive camera’s which was worth much more than his scooter. More like the house and money they was after. I sent his sister all his painting equipment and have never received so much as a thankyou.
Regarding being disliked. I feel the same. I thought I was liked by his family, we all got on well and visited. We went out for meals together and spoke on the phone often but not one of them have been in touch since Brian died. I have been totally forgotten and it does hurt but like you I am now accepting the situation but they are not mentioned in my will. What would I do if any of them knocked on my door. Don’t know, just hope they never do.
Take care and good luck.

Pat xxx

I haven’t been on this site for a while, but I can relate to you all. Simon passed away, suddenly, November 3rd 2018. We weren’t married but lived together for 30 years. He was only 49. He had put me down as the beneficiary on a couple of his pensions, so I only had to send my ID. His life insurance policy was different! It wasn’t a huge amount, not enough to pay the mortgage off, but it was hard to do. I am very lucky that I get on well with Simons family because his brother had to apply to get his insurance, as I wasn’t next of kin. I had to fill in a probate form and send it to a probate office. His brother had to sign it. They then sent me a 'letter of administration ’ that I then sent to the insurance company, who sent it to the underwriters. His brother then had to send a letter agreeing that I could receive the money. All this hassle when your are grieving and your mind is all over the place, is very hard. It took 5 months. It was so distressing having to repeat yourself over and over again to these people and tell them Simon had passed away, when you were in shock and can’t quite believe it yourself. It is now coming up to the years anniversary on Sunday, and though I have some better days, I have been dreading it. I miss him terribly and always will.
Janet x

hi Pat
I to thought the family at least liked me,the family appeared to be nice and caring in the community.Sadly its for show in private they are a nasty bunch.being nice to others especially to those in such tragic circumstances isnt much to ask.even though ive had such evil things aimed at me,the biggest upsdet is them showing their daughter,sister aunty as Jayne was to her mum dad brothers nieces and nephews.no respect for Jayne wishes or feeling,just actions for a family who saw the funeral as a way to promote them selves without an ounce of love show to Jayne.sorry im going on about this treatment of Jayne so much,its that Jayne was my whole world I loved everything about my loving partner and best friend and soul mate.and considering how Ann [Jaynes mother droning on about how losing a child is so sad .she did not show any love at the funeral or in any write ups on the funeral.a case of a (parent) who is not in my eyes or any ones who loved or cared for Jayne,carry about their Daughter.this woman is catholic I cannot imagine were she will be going if there is a god,i would guess it wont be heaven.more like a very hot place.
regards ian
sorry for droning on again.dont ever call me on the phone as I could carry on and on and on etc etc .

…our God can also see the acts of your Janes parents, you just concentrate on your Janes wishes and do your best in making them happen the way i know she would have wanted, let God take care of her parents in his own way otherwise this will just eat you up…Sadly this is the time for all to come together, be on the same page so to speak but if one side is adament in not doing so, they will only have themselves to blame as they would know this was not what their daughter-partner would have wanted, it takes both parties, both sides to work together, not one…


Jackie, what wise words, you are so right we mustn’t let these thoughtless people wreck our lives. The only people it will hurt is ourselves.
God bless
Pat xx

Ian, these dreadful relatives are going to make you ill. You must concentrate on yourself now and your love for Jayne. These selfish unkind people are really not worth the effort and Jackie is right they will get what they deserve. You can now show them that you can make a life for yourself and they are of no interest to you, this will hurt them much more.
In the early days when I couldn’t understand why Brian’s daughters were being so unkind it worried me, I was losing sleep over the situation then in a dream Brian came to me and told me to leave them, he would deal with them, he was letting me know not to worry about them. I haven’t since. I still don’t understand what I have ever done to them but I have my life to find again and that all the animosity towards me will make no difference to the love that their father and I shared for thirty years and wrote and told them this in my last letter to them. So forget this family Ian, they are not worth your anguish. Good luck to you.
Pat xx

hi Pat
im passed caring how they treated me.but how could they show no love for such a wonerful lady who was their daughter and sister.it crushes me.luckily ive had a little contact with the girls who used to work with Jayne.they have organised little events for charity in Jaynes memory.it touched me so much hearing this I sent some wine and chocolates for each of them to thank them for showing so much love for Jayne.they in return sent a thank you card with each putting a message,it hit home how much they had wanted do something for Jaynes memory and although only words in a little card it was a kind gesture which touched my heart and made me realise there are others who thought a lot of Jayne.i feel Jayne is with me,she is my guiding hand and calming influence which I needed big time.
thanks again Pat much appreciated
regards ian

How awful
I got most of the works pensions and 50% of another. The son got 50% of that pension and 40% of the life assurance. I’ve not heard from his son in over a year now thankfully. It’s our own fault for not sorting our Will’s really. The son had no time for his dad and his dad would turn in his grave knowing how nasty he was to me. He tried saying his dad was in a relationship elsewhere and that we should agree 50/50 of all money incase this woman also put in a claim! It was all emotional blackmail. I shouldn’t think he’s still greiving like myself

hi onlyme
seems some relatives are solely money orientated,with no compassion or decency at all.the laws need changing to apply to the way society is now.loads of people live as man and wife who are not married ,to get nothing but grief if a partner dies,yet relatives who have had little or no contact for years still get rewarded before the partners,even though they had nothing much to do with their relatives.dosent make sense.no doubt get the people who still live in the dark ages saying if you live together you should be married.why?if you’ve got kids maybe so but if not .why?glad to hear you at least got something and hopefully that nasty piece of work will keep away for good.
regards ian

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It is helpful to know that a bill is going through Parliament to put right this position in regard to unmarried partners. If it wasn’t for this Brexit business it would probably be law by now. As I understand it it gives equal rights to unmarried partners after a given length of time.

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Hi Ian, what a wonderful response from Jayne’s workmates, this must make you very proud. Hang onto that card it will come to mean so much to you. When Brian died an elderly man that he used to help sent me a letter and at the end his words were “In my long life I have met many people but non quite like your husband I will always remember him”. I spoke these words as I scattered his ashes. He was a remarkable man although quiet, and unassuming and wanting only a quiet uncomplicated life. I am proud of him just as you are proud of Jayne. Of course Jayne is with you just as I know Brian is still guiding me. (probably with raised eyebrows at times).
Pat xxx

…something needs to be done…" the bill going through parliament…" when a male to male couple will automatically get it but a woman to man couple not married cant-wont get it, just something doesn’t seem right, as i mentioned in my previous post " this world going mad…"


hi Pat.
yes im very proud to of been loved and picked as Jaynes partner.and so proud of Jayne she was a lady who always put other before herself and touched those who knew her.[sadly Jaynes family are not nice people we need less of people like them in the world]and I will keep the card from the girls who worked with Jayne very close and I will treasure and from time to time read it with a sad heart knowing this was only possible as Jayne isnt here in person.Jayne will always[ as ive said and posted numerous times over the months]be in my heart mind and soul for ever and a day.
Nice to hear your neighbour make such a nice comment about your husband,its heart warming knowing people have very nice opinions of those we love.

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