Is this a normal feeling? So I lost my brother to suicide a year ago. I’ve got a group of friends that I consider close, but once his funeral was over last September not once did any of them ask how I was or anything, they never mentioned it again. They send a “hope you are okay” message on the anniversary of his death, but other than that they never mention it. They might reply to an instagram story about him with a love heart, but I just feel really annoyed about it. I feel like I’ve changed massively since everything happened, and sometimes I just feel so pissed off with them. I feel like I’ve become really distant but it’s from a place of feeling annoyed. I feel like I need a bit of a break from them just to come to terms with my feelings. The last year was really hard, I lost my brother and then went straight into teaching full time and training for my scitt. Am I being an arsehole?
Hello Doglover, I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. I lost my son to suicide, so I understand some of what you’re describing. I found that friends remembered the first anniversary, but after that the messages stopped. His siblings have always remembered the important dates because the loss doesn’t disappear for them. It’s still there and so is the person we’ve lost. I think one of the hardest things about grief is that everyone else’s lives gradually return to normal, while yours has been changed forever. People may not mention your brother because they don’t know what to say or worry they’ll upset you but sometimes their silence can hurt more. It can feel like they’ve forgotten someone who is still such a huge part of your life.
My counsellor encouraged me to let people know how I want to remember my son and that I actually want people to talk about him. I think sometimes people need to be told because they simply don’t know what we need. We shouldn’t have to pretend we’re okay just to make everyone else comfortable.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re grieving your brother, but you’re also grieving the person you were before you lost him. Sending you love and hugs 
Thank you for your message and I am so so sorry about your son. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in that feeling! Sometimes I feel so angry that people just don’t get it! And I just feel like now it’s been a year I’m about ready to process it
Sorry for the loss of your brother. Grief doesn’t have a timeline but unfortunately some people expect you to haved moved on after a certain period. It’s because they probably haven’t been in your situation and they really don’t get it.. Older people sometimes feel they have been abandoned by friends and family too. It might be more difficult for your friends to talk to you as they fear they might upset you. Have you tried saying to them that you want to talk about your brother?
I lost my partner suddenly eleven months ago and I still struggle. Most people don’t even mention his name anymore, that really saddens me. Take care.
I agree with what you’ve said that people just don’t understand it. I’m quite a stoic person too, so I just try to get on with things, but it’s hard when people don’t even check. It almost makes me not want those people to ask because it’s been too long and it just makes me feel angry.
I’m sorry you lost someone you love. I have every empathy with how you’re feeling.
I hope that you have someone you can talk too. It’s nice to know there are people out there hurting too, even if it’s a terrible feeling, you aren’t alone in it.
I I’ve been through the same thing one person even made it all about themselves when I told them about my brother so instead of supporting me by just simply listening, I didn’t get past the wordsMy brother died before he made it about him. Instead, I listened and.supported him and did not get the same in return but that’s OK because I am there for people and don’t expect anything in return. It’s just nice when it’s a two-way street if that makes sense. I am so sorry for your loss and for what you went through with your friends if you ever need someone to talk to you can always reach out to me. I find the one thing that does help me is being able to be there for someone else struggling with the loss of a loved one even if it’s just listening. I understand the pain.