I am a widow at 56! A widow ! Overwhelmed by grief at the unexpected loss of my husband of 20 years just 6 weeks ago. An amazing gentle soul who told me “ your are beautiful and I love you” every morning & night. We adored each other and were soulmates. We were fantastically happy.
However my husband was Italian , and his family disapproved of me……… not Italian / not Roman Catholic / English speaker ……… the list goes on! I always knew they would be unpleasant when my husband died but they have surpassed my expectations. They complained his funeral did not take place for 14 days. In Italian it’s 48 hours, They objected to the obituary, even though I gave precedence to his Italian family. They objected to me informing his friends.
On the night before his funeral I received messages via text, social media, and voice mail. Informed they would not be travelling to the funeral and would not watch the live stream. Told very clearly that I am not, never was, and never will be family. I always knew they would be mean to me. But I am so upset that they disrespected my husband. I thought they would at least leave me in peace until my husband was at rest.
Hello, it’s very sad the way your husbands family are treating you, but it does sound as though you knew they might behave like this?
Grief can cause people to lash out & it seems that is what they are doing, that’s there shame to bear.
You have enough on your plate, just forget them as you rightly say your husband would be appalled at there behaviour, you could take the high ground & send them something that your husband owned as a keepsake or a copy of the order of service or if it’s available a link or copy video of the actual service?
Yes - I always suspected they would be mean. My husband was a very gentle non confrontational gentleman. So I tried to hide their nastiness from him over the years. I don’t think he ever understood how mean they would be.
My husband was a seafarer with friends across the globe. He was also Italian and his family live in Europe. So I arranged to live stream his service. I also sent copies of the order of service - but they haven’t responded.
We lived in the Uk, but retained my husbands family home in Italy. It is full of “family” heirlooms. I had planned to invite them to choose items in memory of my husband. But they have been awful and made no contact since the funeral.
Any hopes that I might be able to retain links with the family now seem futile.
I think you’re right there will be no relationship with them going forward but that may be the best for you? In respect of inviting them to pick an heirloom mightn’t be wise to think if you don’t extend that invite they’ll think they have something in their corner to say they were right about you? Rise above it maybe extend the invite & you can then walk away with your head held high?
Youre not alone love … honestly ! Ive had ptiblems with my own family never mind my husband’s ! Cant say ant of thrm hsve hone OTT with looking after me ! And as for his family ! Leave them to it if they wanna be spiteful ! Sound very petty to me and if they were that bothered they should have got off their backside and come help you orgsnise the funeral anyway !!! Take care and just ignore them and look after yourself x
@Angelalouisa
I’m horrified that you have this extra torment to deal with as well as the loss of your lovely husband. I do hope they stop being so unkind but I agree with @Flower_garden, do the best you can to mean you can hold your head up, which also means you do not give them any ammunition.
Love
Karen xxx
Thank you. Sadly I think they made their mind up about me many years ago.
When I married, they realised they had lost their “cash cow”. The wonderful man who repeatedly funded their lifestyles. So much of their hate comes from their sense of entitlement.
I am a professional woman, financially independent, and most importantly absolutely adored my husband for over 20 years. The irony is they could have every penny of the estate in exchange for another day with my beloved husband.
Thank you Deb5. Sorry to hear you have no support from either family. That’s awful.
Fortunately I do have support from my mam. She is all I have left.
My dad died in Dec 2019 , diagnosed with dementia at 59, Both sisters in law died in 2020 aged 52 and 57. They worked for NHS Wales and died from COVID.
Yeh i have support from my mum too but rest of family pretty feeble his brother and wife coming on sunday to c me … they been good and yeh i feel same as you i would give everything away to have my hubby back xx
Oh goodness me up u had your fair share of it haven’t you in a way i feel my husband went indirectly cos of covid. During that time they didnt check him with bloods etc as he used to have yearly check ups … and if they had maybe they wouldve picked up something wrong ? And something was very wrong cos we found out since his kidneys were only fuctiioning at 14 % when i took him to hospital last year:( they are sending his medical notes out today … im sort of dreading reading them but my daughter wants to understand why his care went so badlly wrong … my daughrer was good with her dad but sadly not so good with me when he passed
Oh gosh that’s awful. My partners family have been great, I don’t really have any close family of my own so I’m greatful for that. They sound like absolutely dreadful people. Sorry you have to put up with that at the same time as dealing with your grief
Well in terms of support theyt been abysmal really … awful innit … i dont think i will ever forgive them tbh … how can you !!! My husband brother been a few times and my mum been ok but some of my siblings im disgusted at … and some of his tbf …
Some people are just plain cruel . The last 6 weeks has taught me a harsh lesson on friendship. People I was certain would care have been completely absent from my life. It hurts terribly.
My partner of 10 years passed away 5 weeks ago and since then his family have been vile. We had planned to get married later this year but unfortunately he was diagnosed with cancer in December of last year and passed away in March, although we had the blessing of his best man & my adult son we never made it as his health deteriorated really quickly. I had never had any problem with my bedridden pensioner father-in-law having lived in the house with them both to help with his extensive care needs, now my father-in-laws brother has become rude, aggressive and outrageous in his behavior. He has been opening both mine and my late partners postal mail, threatened our cats & threatened to punch me when I told him he does not have authority to open my mail. My 87 year old father-in-law seems to be scared of his youngest sibling so says nothing which has caused a breakdown of our relationship. When I expressed how this whole situation has made me feel he responding with " well he is my brother " and I live in his house which is obviously no longer viable.
Heartbroken & homeless.
his brother and wife coming on sunday to c me … they been good and yeh i feel same as you i would give everything away to have my hubby back xx