Upcoming year anniversary of Dad's death

Losing a parent
1

Hello my fellow kind human beings

I wanted to write about my wonderful Dad who we lost nearly a year ago. I still can’t quite believe he’s gone. It seems impossible sometimes to think that he’s not here. In fact, I don’t think he really has gone at times, only his physical presence. I am quite a spiritual person and have felt quite connected to him since he died, often when I’m outside in nature or listening to his old records. I can picture him dancing round to his favourite songs or pointing out some natural wonder to look at in his beloved countryside.

It was so very difficult to see his deteriorate. He always was so strong and present in my life and there isn’t a moment that goes by when I don’t miss his laughter, his kindness, his warmth and ability to make me feel calm and loved and supported. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad and there are many moments where I do feel relatively okay, even happy, but there are other times - like now - when I’m just floored. With the anniversary of his death and Father’s Day approaching my whole being is feeling panicky.

How can it be a year since this happened? It just seems like yesterday. I was with him when he died and thank God it was peaceful but nonetheless it is traumatic watching your parent die. What amazed me was that it felt so biological to me, the process of the body shutting down, the changes in the breathing… He was out of it for days on palliative care medication and I’m so very glad he was as when he was awake he had dementia and was very distressed and in pain.

I just feel so sad at the moment. I feel like other family members are coping better than I am and I don’t like to mention when I’m not doing so well for fear of upsetting them or making them worry. I know they would want to know, I guess it’s a protective thing that I’m trying to do. I’m hoping that someone can normalise this experience for me with the anniversary looming so large in my life. It feels fresh and raw all over again and I hadn’t expected this. I guess this is one thing I am learning about grief - expect the unexpected!

I hope everyone who reads this is doing as well as they can.
Sending love and strength to all.
Thanks for reading x

1 Like
2

Hello @Shiningsun,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us. You write really beautifully and I can feel the love you have for him through your words.

Whether it has been one, five or ten years since the person you’re grieving for died, coping with an anniversary can bring about new feelings each year. You might find our support page on coping with anniversaries helpful to read.

You’re not alone. Many of our members are living with the loss of their dads and will understand some of what you’re going through. If you have a read through the posts here, you can connect with other members who have coped with anniversaries too.

Please do keep reaching out and take care,

Seaneen

3

one year is a hard anniversary. you are moved along but still clinging to them, as part of you always will. mine are gone. miss them every single day.

but with time it does ease … but them not being here is still so surreal. it makes no sense to us bereaved. I always support the idea of counseling and grief groups because I feel loss and death are not honored in western nations as they deserve.