Ups and Downs.

Some days are better than others. It is just over six months since John died. Then our dog died in May. My sister has an asbestos related cancer diagnosis ,since July.
I am trying to function.Some days good,others I do not want to get out of bed.
Other people will know how I feel. I just wanted to let you know,you are not on your own.


Hello @David10,

I just wanted to thank you for sharing this with the community and let you know that you have been heard - you are not alone. :blue_heart:

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Many thanks, Seaneen.

I struggle with the ups and downs so much. 12 weeks 4 days here. I try to keep busy and to break up the day, and some days go well. Others are, as you say, more difficult, and it’s hard to do anything beyond getting out of bed, if I’m able to.

My parents visited at the end of last week. They’ve been wonderful, but I struggled so much with the constant company and trying to keep myself together. I found myself being crabby and lacking patience because I usually try to keep myself occupied in short bursts; a coffee with a work colleague, a walk by myself, some quiet time reflecting, something on the tv. I felt so bad that they’ve been so good about everything, but I just wanted to be by myself after a few hours. But then, once I’m alone, I want to be with people. Well, not people, him. I’ve come to realise we were very much our own little unit and, beyond work colleagues (who are great), I’ve no-one else really. It’s such a wretched life just trying to function and navigate through it.

Sending strength and good wishes. David.


I,understand your emotions. John and I were together for almost 35 years and were a unit also. John was a councillor for 24 years and I got involved with local politics also.However,we did most things together and I miss him so much. I still have John’s ashes and presently feel parting with them is another goodbye,too much. Feel free to keep in touch.Be kind to yourself. I am clearing out the house because I have to move.Small bursts at a time. God bless.


His sister texted the other day to say she had just got his ashes. We’ll do something with them soon. Their mum passed away shortly before he did, so her plan is to mix some and scatter them where he grew up and in places that meant something to them both, and I’ll do something where we lived, probably the beach. We both always drew a lot of comfort and found a sense of peace and calm around water. I’ve spent a lot of time walking along the beach front when it becomes overwhelming, and it would give me a place to feel he was still present. I want to keep some too, perhaps in some sort of locket / chain type thing so I can keep him close as well.

He had given up work due to a lung condition, and I’m a teacher. It’s been such an odd summer being here by myself. Ordinarily we would have been away much of the time or just going for outings and pottering about together. It’s so sad knowing that that’s all over now and we did it for the last time during my Easter break. I go back to work on Monday and I don’t know how things will be. On one hand I’ll appreciate the distraction, but I’ve no desire to do it anymore and the idea of trying to be cheerful and enthusiastic just doesn’t seem possible. Perhaps it’ll be autopilot once I’m back. We’ll see.

35 years. I’m sure they were very special indeed. We had 17. Of course there were the usual ups and downs, but I long for even the days when we frustrated each other and had silly fall outs. I turn 40 this October and it seems so alien to think about entering another decade knowing that life is now so different.

I’ve taken to wearing his clothes; jumpers and tops and things. It feels comforting and makes me feel like I don’t then have to think about going through his wardrobe getting rid of things. He was so eclectic in his interests - there are books everywhere about opera, history, politics, cars… I feel I want to read everything that interested him so that I know everything that he was interested in.

I’m trying to keep going as best I can, with filling the day in short bursts as you say. Some days are bearable. Others more of a struggle. The ache of missing him will never disappear though. It’s the price we pay for loving them so much.

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I, wear some of John’s clothes. I wear his watches and rings and they make me feel so close to John. I, am 64 and John was in his seventies. Life will never be the same ,as you know and sometimes I wish God would take me because life on my own, without John ,is horrible .Sleep well and God bless.

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I’m 60 and have just lost my partner of 23 years to cancer. From diagnosis to death in three weeks, the most horrific weeks of my life and now my entire world has fallen apart. Like you we were a unit and I had recently made a will as I was sure I would go first. He only turned 51 the week before he passed! I just can’t see much point in going on but am trying to take each day as it comes and not feel unlucky for losing him so soon but lucky for having known him for as long as I did.


Marchon,my sincere condolences. 51,is so young. You are young also and 23 years together is a long time together.
John,died in February after six years of illness. Almost 35 years of the best friendship I have ever known. I am 64.

I wish you well and grieve your own way and as long as you need for. Best wishes.

Thank you David

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You are so not alone on here. This forum
Has been my salvation, the place to come to realise that I’m not the only one who feels like this. Please keep coming here, you will find the reassurance you need.

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