My husband of 25 years has just been diagnosed with a brain tumour, he has surgery very soon (days/week). I may only have little time with him., though I know we should have hope. We have 4 children aged 18-30. Since we found out 2 days ago our world shattered. I am heartbroken & cannot eat/sleep. We are told to have hope but…?
I am treating him with kid gloves & we are just so sad. But not taking about it as otherwise it seems like we have no hope. What should I do? If I have 5 days left what do I do to make them the best? If god grants us mercy he may survive, it’s unknown. I am so sick inside I can hardly speak but worrying I am poss going to regret this gloom we’re currently living in. Please please advise me how to make this the best it can be and how do I manage to put on a brave optimistic face?
@Sandy5, I’m so sorry your family is going through this turmoil and I can understand how frightened you are.
I have a friend whose husband has just come through his second brain tumour operation. They also have children of similar ages. She had faith in the medical team that looks after him and each time he came through.
Have faith, pray and live everyday to the full. Most of all have hope. Sending my love to all your family.
Debbie X
Hello @Sandy5 - firstly, I am sending you positive vibes and loads of love. Your situation is really tough and scary. Talking about important stuff, while you can, is not about losing hope it is about love - love for each other. “Just in case” conversations are important - if you don’t have them now, you may regret that. So try a “I just want to say this, just in case something goes wrong… I love you”. Or “Just in case something goes wrong, can we look at our admin?” I know it feels so negative - but if something does go wrong and things are not up to date, it could make a desperately sad situation a million times worse. I had to piece everything together because we had not prepared. It was really hard. Do make sure you have up to date wills - I know, I know - but we had to complete T’s in the Intensive Care Unit - horrendous at the time and looking back - but at least we did it. And it has helped no end. Preparing for something going wrong is not losing hope - it is about being pragmatic and loving each other. When we knew T was in very, very bad shape, I initiated the “is there anything in particular you want for your funeral”. Ok, that was tough. I hated doing it - but wanted to respect him. He mentioned a few things before we just cried. But those few things gave me the cues for what he wanted when he had gone. I hope and pray that your husband will come through this and that you both can move on. Thinking about you, hoping for the best for you both x
Dear Sandy5
This is such a devastating time for you all and I hope the responses you’ve received so far will give you some ideas as to how to make the most of your husband.
Just keep everything as peaceful and nurturing as you can without fussing him. He has so much to deal with and lose. So sit at his side quietly, hold hands, remember past times together if he feels up to it, and don’t be hard on you - give yourself breaks so you can renew your energy for him.
This is so dreadful for each one of you, but your first priority is to support your husband as he prepares for surgery and what life may bring after this. Right now it has to be all about him. I hope this gives you something to focus on and that you make each day he’s with you count.
We all send you love at Sue Ryder and will keep you in our thoughts. Keep reaching out if you need moral support and we will be here for you.
Miche24
Oh my, what a wonderful message. You’re amazing! It is EXACYLY what I want and needed to hear, some positivity first (thank you, thank you!) & also reality. So very sorry for your loss. I’m sorry given all you have shared with me that is all I can say about your loss but whatever similarities we may share are all to raw and painful for me to say more. Sorry!
But a massive thank you❤
Oh wow! Thank you so much, It is so helpful to hear positive news. I have gone straight to my worst fears and haven’t know there is real hope. This really does help me have faith which makes this horrendous journey not quite so dilibatating.
Thank you so much x
Still thinking of you all and praying everyday.
Love Debbie 
My dear
You are in shock, numb. Try to remain calm, go with the flow of events. The doctors and nurses will do all they can. Just dig deep, tell yourself you will cope no matter what. Most of us here know what you feel and oh how I feel for you. You think you will not get through, but you will. You will. Xx
Thank you si much. I am so very torn with all I have to do in prep for worse case scenario and then also dpending time with him before his op. I struggle with my sadness and how I want to be positive, as I absolutely should & he needs that from me. So when I am sick with sadness does it damage his optimism, should I try harder to block my sadness and embrace the hope we still have? I know I should, but how???
Thank you so much. I am so very torn with all I have to do in prep for worse case scenario and then also spending time with him before his op. I struggle with my sadness yet I want to be positive, as I absolutely should & he needs that from me. So when I am sick with sadness does it damage his optimism, should I try harder to block my sadness and embrace the hope we still have? I know I should, but how???
Just love him, enjoy every moment together, hold his hand and think about the amazing life you have together.
He will pick up you are worried and very sad, it’s only natural it’s hard to hid. But you being at his side and supporting him with be comforting.
Stay positive and be kind to yourself, as you will need energy to get you both through this.
My love to you all. Debbie X
@Sandy5 - when it was me in this situation, before T had emergency surgery and could have died from that, I just leant on the love that we had shared, the love that we knew was rock solid, beautiful, eternal. Just before the doctors came to take him to the operating theatre and potential death, we looked at each other and said, very simply, “I love you”. Nothing more was needed. That time, he survived. As he approached death, 5 months later, we talked about some practicalities, we stayed in the moment as much as we could. We said all we needed to say, held hands, loved each other. The clock ran down, he lost consciousness, as he died, I told him I loved him, that he is loved. And is loved now. Last night, I am sure, he was with me, helping to navigate difficult memories and showing me it is ok. My friend, lean on the love you share, keep going.
Dear Sandy5
I have seen the heartwarming replies from the other’s on here and can see by your responses that they have given you much to draw on, and the support you needed.
Don’t forget, any time you are not coping so well, you have friends here.
Thoughts and hugs
Miche24