Utter sadness


This is my first time posting, very recently joined.

I lost my Mum…my whole world, 12 weeks ago. My Mum was amazing, she was just my magical wee person. We seen / spoke everyday and I cannot imagine the rest of my life without her.

My young children are also struggling with their loss, their Gran was very involved and active in their lives and they are sad beyond believe, as am I.

My husband has always been quite tough on me, hard on me. This week for example he has asked me to hand over my bank cards and wants to check my internet banking, having a go at me about how much I spend and that I’m a spendaholic.

Since I lost my Mum, when he’s been in a mood he’s told me I’ve not to look sad, not to cry, and moans at me about the state of the house and that I’m still not back at work yet.

I’m struggling with everything just now, and I feel he’s trying to push me over the edge. I really don’t know how much more I can handle. My Mum was in hospital for weeks before she passed and that was really hard going…my husband told me that I ruined my kids summer holidays by being at the hospital.

I have never felt so alone. The only person who can cheer me up is my Mum. I’m longing for her. I don’t feel strong enough with her gone. I feel desolate. I know my life will never be the same. I cannot believe I need to go on without her.

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Its hard losing your mum when she meant so much to you and was a big part of yours and your childrens lives. I lost my dad in April and I miss chatting to him everyday about everything and anything and he was a big part of my sons life. We talk about him whenever it feels right and remember the good times and I think its healthy to keep these memories. The sadness will always be there but with time it will get easier to deal with.

I wonder if you should access some counselling and to speak to your gp who can point you to some outside support.

Your husband is being very emotionally unkind and to deal with that on top of what your feeling is very unfair. Its not your fault how your feeling and grief affects everybody differently. Sometimes it can just overwhelm you when you least expect it.
I feel your husband should be providing you with more support both practical and emotional to help you navigate your grief and it is unkind of him to be blaming you things not being done in the house and your childrens holidays. You needed to support your mum in the hospital and he should have supported you with home and the children . You would do this for him if it were the other way round I imagine.

Take care and get some outside help for yourself x


I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s beyond devastating isn’t it :broken_heart:

At the moment I’m just taking it day by day, so personally I feel that if my kids are up, ready and then out to school, I’m having a good day. At the moment everything feels like a chore, even brushing my teeth takes such an effort.

The feelings of grief are so hard, the loneliness, the guilt, the loss. I honestly don’t know how people go on after such a traumatic time in life. My kids are my world, and I adore them…but I still can’t shake off the feeling of dread and unhappiness X


Hi Jel27,

This is sending off horrible red flags to me. I can’t be the only one reading this who thinks so. Your husband sounds very unkind and have you thought about seeking a women’s refuge for yourself and your children? He totally fits the bill for coercive control and I am very worried for you. Of course you are devastated over losing your mum, she was your support system. You need to grieve and you need to be able to help your children. Seriously, you need to look for help from a women’s centre as he is going to make this 100 times worse for you.


@Jel27 I’m in agreement with @Dublingirl … your husband sounds like he is behaving in a very controlling and coercive attitude :tired_face: I think you should definitely be seeking some advice and support. You’re vulnerable at the moment because you’ve suffered a devastating loss. Your husband should be doing everything in his power to show compassion and love. Confiscating your bank cards and telling you off is not acceptable! Please find some support before this situation gets worse. Take care xx