I lost my husband of almost 25 years 4 weeks ago of a heart attack. I did cpr whilst waiting on an ambulance but he died shortly after in hospital. His funeral is in a little over a week and suddenly it feels so real my denial is fading ,i believed he was just working away and would be back soon,bu now im dreading the funeral because he finally leaves me . Im not ready never will be ive lost my love my friend my protector. How do i go on without him beside me. i cry everyday and would swop places with him in a heartbeat. The panic i feel is just getting worse i see no way out of this black hole
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He will never truly leave you ever whilst you remember him with love…
My wifes funeral was much easier than i worked myself up to thinking it would be…
Her/my family and friends were/are so supportive and the funeral directors were perfect… you will have the same im sure…
Talking to someone or anyone will help…
Take every hour and day as i comes…
Keep your family and friends close…
Be as kind to yourself as you can be when ever you can…
It will be a horrible rollercoaster of emotions, but eventually there will be a glimmer of light, and it will get slightly easier to carry on…
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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@Heartshredded I am on a very similar journey to you. I lost my husband of nearly 30 years about 6 weeks ago. He also had a heart attack and my attempts at CPR didn’t work. He never regained consciousness and died within minutes of his life support being turned off. It is truly shocking and I have been fooling myself he is just at work or playing golf. His funeral was last week but I don’t think personally it has made things any worse or more final for me. This forum is comforting and eases the feeling of being alone that this grief creates x
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My partner had a massive heart attack just before Christmas. He was 56. I tried to do CPR but failed and he died that evening after a full day in hospital literally waiting for the end. It was horrendous. Looking back now it feels unreal. Like a horrible parallel universe where I was having some sort of strange nightmare. Like you I wondered how I would ever carry on. But I have. I’m stronger than I ever knew and I know he would be proud of me. He was a big advocate for living life to the max so giving in wasn’t an option! Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy and some days I just wanted to lie on the floor and scream but that’s OK. Whatever your gut feels is right probably is. I was dreading the funeral but I decided it would be exactly what he would want and it was. No prayers, no hymns. Just lots of rock music and happy memories. It was nowhere close to the ordeal I expected. And I definitely didn’t feel it was some sort of final goodbye. Alan will be with me always. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and he did. As far as I’m concerned he’s got me for eternity haha. You will get through this you know. Really. Take care x
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I think it’s really hard after that initial shock fades. That’s when the confusion set in for me. I also did CPR till the fire department got there, but to be honest I knew that she was already gone.
I mention this only because I want you to know that I understand your pain, and I’m so sorry that you have to go through it. He is in your heart, I think. That’s how it was for me. My wife was always close. All I can say is for now, take it one day at a time. Let those tears out when you can. I read somewhere that these tears that pour out of us happen because the hearts just to full, and we need to let it out. That’s what I told myself quite often.
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Thank you to you all for your heartfelt messages. His funeral is to be one he would have been pleased with ,he had a wonderful sense of humour and after trying to get him to talk about what he would wish for in a funeral, never believing it would ever happen. He chuckled and said get everyone to where a big false moustache. How can we take it too seriously when well all look so silly . Im so glad you all say it wont be as frightening as im feeling it will ,and yes when i feel calmer i know he’ll never leave . He would be here to hold me if he could. So im starting to find comfort in knowing he would be laughing at some daft things ive done .one being yesterday when i managed to ring the wrong funeral directors to confirm a detail . Its just the emptiness he’s left in me.
Thank you all for your support and i wish you all well in your journey too .
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I love the idea of everyone wearing false moustaches! What a leveller. My husband of 50 years died last August, it was expected, he had throat cancer. Losing them suddenly must be a huge shock. We didn’t have a funeral because Philip travelled to Ireland for a resomation. His wishes were to keep things as simple as possible, so we had a big party in the same pub where we originally met, to celebrate his life. It was great. Lots of the people we had fostered and supported as kids came as well as relatives. Our granddaughter made a storyboard with lots of old photographs. That prompted much reminiscing and conversations. You will get through the funeral, and he will always be in your memories.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write your message. Knowing someone had a very similar tale was comforting in an odd way ,i didn’t feel so alone. The dread of the funeral today has eased because, you have all sent your kind words and assurance, and today im greatful its an easier day ive no doubts in part to all your messages. We share such an awful thing the loss of our loved ones . Im so greatful i found this forum and all you kind people
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