So today I am supposed to be travelling up to London in order to go to an exhibition at the British Museum. This is something I booked before my world imploded. After Keef left me in February I have found it really hard to go out and have only managed local excursions with a family member or a friend. I keep telling myself that he would have wanted me to go and would be so disappointed if I didn’t, not because of the money but because I should challenge myself. One of the main problems is that I went on a similar excursion at the end of November last year when he was clearly not well so I have that association. I know I need to go but the thought of travelling out of Kent which I haven’t done since last year, is terrifying. I have told myself that if it gets too much I can always get off the train and come home but I know that he would be disappointed with me if I did. Sorry about the rambling but needed to say something before I venture out.
Good luck today. Everything is different for us all now. But don’t put yourself under pressure. Do what is right for.tou. have a lovely day. Xx
@Guineapig65 I hope your trip goes well. So many things now on we’ve lost our partners are daunting. Even if they weren’t with us before, they were only a phone call away. This journey really saps your confidence. Good luck for today.
@Guineapig65 well done for trying that’s half of the battle. Everything is so hard without having someone by your side.
I lost my partner in January. Went on a trip we had planned a few weeks ago. Was meant to be a weekend away but I could only manage one night then came home.
I hope today goes ok
I did it!!! I had made sure that I had a good book to read on the train and it wasn’t very far to walk the other end to the British Museum. The exhibition was amazing and I’m really pleased that I made an effort to go. I am now feeling that this has been a little/baby step forward, even though I am totally drained now!
@Guineapig65 . Well done, I am so glad it was worth it. Be proud of yourself and get some well deserved rest. Every baby step we take is towards the person our partners would want us to be
,
Well done for doing it, you were really brave in what we all know is a difficult thing to do. I’m glad you enjoyed it, one small step forwards. My wife made me promise to take 2 of our grandchildren and their parents on a holiday we booked for us all later this year. I hope i find your strength.
It was a good practice because in the summer holidays I will be taking our grandson, he’s 11, up to London to treat him because he didn’t get any birthday presents from me because it was very close to when I lost Keef. Now I feel that I can do it and he really wants to go to the British Museum. Onwards and upwards!!
It does sap your confidence ! I feel so alone today ! Im fed up ! I think im gonna move …
I don’t even like it around here anymore 
i might move to france and go liive near my cousin … shes a nice lady ! Im so fed up and its so crap living alone !! X
@Deb5 I know what you mean. I live 100 miles from my family and now it is just me and my DD. I have a couple of friends but they have their own families. I really feel alone. I’m 5 weeks in and starting to wonder if I should move back home.but I have a lovely house and DD attends a wonderful school. But really is that enough?? There are also to many memories here I only mooved here for Ian,so what’s the point. Xx
@Deb5 I totally get you. I’m sorry it’s a bad day for you. The weekends are always the hardest I feel. I have toyed with moving too although not abroad. I’m not brave enough! It’s such a dilemma as we have been in our house 20+ years and there are so many memories. I feel every decision I make I think would my darling husband approve. They say you shouldn’t make any big decisions in the first year so I’m adhering to that. Sending hugs.
Thanks @Jan17 thats kind … i kmow won’t make any quick decisions im just fed up with it all xx
I know our lives been turned upside down havent they ? And really does anybody care ? I know my husband cared so much … but now hes gone amd i havent got anyone ! Thats how i feel anyway ! i got my puppy but miss the human contact of my husband so much xx
@Deb5
I feel like that today. It’s so hot, he loved this weather and it’s a constant reminder of all the holidays now lost. All the good times, summers w as out seasons to go to France, family birthdays, Norfolk, family catch-ups. We always had 6 weeks in the summer to spend together and I won’t have that this year. I miss my person, I miss having chats, texts, being loved the only way he could love me. When I really need him, he won’t be there and he always was!!
Aw i know … i just want a little cuddle and to feel him near me ! This journey is so totally devastating … i can see why people have to find another relationship in a way cos the pain of being alone is sooo hard … but i still love my husband even though hes not here -so i cant move on ;( xx
Ive bought myself a bottle of brandy - im gonna have a nice tipple tonight 
my brother and wife taking me to see my favourite band tomorrow night as early birthday present - how weird is it gonna be next week on my birthday with no darling hubby here … we went for a meal last year ! I wouldnt be suprised if im all by myself next week thats the sort of sad life i have these days …
Aww bless you @Deb5 I’m really feeling it but at the same time I do manage a life. I also hope in the future that I am lucky to have love again. I need to love and be loved. I’m no where near ready now, I love my man so much and still feel his love but if I’m lucky enough in the future or happy alone, I will embrace both. I just don’t want to be this unhappy.
Enjoy your night out!
@Deb5 enjoy your tipple & your night out tomorrow. It ‘s my birthday next week too and I’m not sure how I’m going to cope. Xx
Thanks @Ali29 i dont know what’s wrong with me today … feel so sad and cant stop crying ! Think i just miss him ! Sometimes it just overwhelms you doesnt it ? I miss him … he was a lovely man you know !!!
Im so angry with all the family who have not supported me !! Im so thoroughly didgusted but as my counsellor said to me yesterday he was the main one who gave you the love and support u needed ! And he was xxx